La Lumière d'Amour
by Kihin Ranno
Summary: When Minako grows restless with inactivity, she travels to Paris, France, where she encounters old friends, old flames, and a lot more than she bargained for.
1. Prologue: Le Coeur Caché

La Lumière d'Amour  
Prologue: Le Coeur Caché - The Life She Does Not Know  
1/9  
by Kihin Ranno  
R

Hearts can do many things... They pump the blood through the body, allowing a person to run faster when needed or just live and breathe in any day of the week. They can also be useful in the metaphorical sense. The heart is the center. It is what governs what people feel. It chooses who to love, who to hate, and who to feel the cruelest of all for, apathy. And it beats in quick succession, letting all know that that life still dwells within. A heartbeat is quick and only takes a fraction of a second to occur... And many things can change in a heart beat.

If someone had said such a thing to Aino Minako that morning, for once, she probably wouldn't have cared.

Minako let out a barely audible, unnoticed sigh as she sat out by the edge of the pool in her azure string bikini, soaking up some much needed rays and watching the others around her. Normally she would have laughed out loud at the scene she was witnessing, but she could muster only a slight smile in the heat of the lazy afternoon.

Though the dynamic of Usagi's and Rei's relationship had changed dramatically in recent years, they were still prone to a little good natured spat every now and again for old time's sake. At the moment the two were having a wild water fight not more than three feet from Makoto and getting her quite soaked. The brunette was sitting a few feet away, waiting for the right moment to jump in and make the entire situation even more interesting.

Ami, as in love with water as she was, chose to stay out of it for the time being. No doubt she would swim circles around them when she was good and ready to do so. Although Minako had to admit, she was quite surprised given that normally Ami would fully submerge herself for the duration of their stay at the pool, emerging only when forced to do so. She was a few feet away from Minako, wearing a decidedly more conservative suit. The fact that her nose was out of a book as she sat back with her head phones on gave the blonde pause as well. But she supposed that the textbook workaholic deserved her rest more than any of them. It should have been no surprise at all that her eyes closed, lulling her into rarely experienced calm. She was, in a word, peaceful.

Minako frowned as that adjective came to mind. She readjusted her sunglasses and stretched a little, closing her eyes to block out any more light.

Peaceful.

For the past two years everything had been peaceful in Tokyo. It was as if the passing of Galaxia from their world and back into her own had signified a radical change for the Asian city. They had all been killed and suffered insurmountable amounts of pain and torment the entire time she was there and long before that. It was like that was enough. Like the universe was giving them a break. Like the Fates had at long last determined that the Sailor Senshi had endured enough for humanity and were given the rest of the millennium off.

Quite frankly, it ticked Minako off.

She knew that the others were happy for this development... Even Makoto who often referred to the battles as a fun game most of the time. But secretly, in the depths of her heart, where all of her true feelings and inhibitions lay hidden from anyone else... Minako wanted a fight.

It almost made her sick to think that way. Why did she want such a thing? Did she get a kick out of seeing innocent people in danger? Was it the glamour of fame? The adrenaline rush she got in the battle? Or God forbid, did she actually like killing those demons? Did she get high off of killing?

She tried not to think about that possibility. Ever.

But honestly... she knew the reason. She knew the reason very well.

Minako just tried to ignore it as best as she could... Unfortunately, in quiet moments like this, when all was especially peaceful, it was hard to stop herself.

Of all the Senshi, Minako had the most uncertain future. She was the only one whose future career wasn't a guaranteed success. With her luck, she was also probably the only one of them who would not settle down with the right man and have fourteen children. She was the one taking a risk. She was the one who might be miserable all of her life while she tried to achieve an impossible dream.

But if she was fighting youma, she was doing something useful. Saving the world could distract her from her "real" life. It would prove she was good for something. True, it was nothing Minako could tell anyone about, but it would make her feel better.

As long as there was an enemy, Minako had a purpose, a reason for existing. Without them... Minako had nothing. Without them Minako was nothing.

Not so for the others.

Ami had nothing to worry about. She had been accepted to every college on the face of the planet. The one thing she had bemoaned on the very rare occasion that she allowed herself to complain was that she was still having a difficult time deciding where she wanted to go. Still, no matter what she chose, Minako already knew her fate without Rei's clairvoyance. She was going to be a famous doctor and cure cancer or help women have babies or give little children antibiotics for a sinus infection. She would be rich and successful just like her mother. She would be happy.

Makoto had also been accepted everywhere she applied. Well, every culinary school in the immediate area and beyond anyway. Everyone knew that she was a phenomenal chef. Now it was just a matter of training her to make everything look professional. They all knew it would be a very literal piece of cake for her to get through. Then she would open up some restaurant in town, get rave reviews, and everyone would love her. Especially Usagi because Makoto would continually let her eat all of her food for free no doubt. She would be doing what she always wanted to do and making a living out of it.

Then there was Rei... Actually, now that Minako thought about it, Rei was still unsure about just what it was she wanted to do yet. The priestess had a habit of changing her mind all too often or trying to take on too many things. At the moment, she was still working at the shrine. Her grandfather, bless the old man, had died the year before. It had been a terrible time for Rei, but unsurprisingly, he had left the shrine to her. Rei was considering an option she had always toyed with from time to time in spite of the many talents she possessed and those forced upon her by her father. She was leaning more and more towards the prospect of just staying on there. It wouldn't be a glamorous life, but it would make her happy. Especially when one took the fact that she was now actually dating Yuuichirou after about four years of him begging, flirting, and overt sexual tension. She would have a good life in the end of it all.

Of course, one cannot forget Usagi. She and Mamoru were still engaged, though they weren't anywhere near setting a date. He had just begun his residency (he had taken the rest of the year off after the Galaxia disaster and then gone on to Harvard the next year). He was working nothing but late nights and working himself to exhaustion. He and Usagi were currently living together, though they never saw each other. She had gotten a part time job as an aide for a kindergarten on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Other days, she was taking cooking lessons from Makoto and utterly destroying Mamoru's kitchen. Usagi had related to them several weeks before that she was beginning to think that perhaps she would do more than just be a housewife. When she had told them that she was considering becoming a teacher, they'd all had a rather good laugh at her expense. Still, no matter what she chose, she had a future. They all did...

Except for Minako.

Minako wanted to be an actress and nothing else. Minako devoted just about all of her time to that one dream and had never once thought of a back up plan. It was in spite or perhaps because of her mother insisting on telling her day in and day out that she was never going to amount to anything. Then there was the lovely elaboration about how she was going to die a shameful failure who never made it as an actress. Apparently, she was sure to bring shame on to the Aino family. Even though her mother had a tendency to behave every bit the harpy Minako had called her on several occasions, she was convinced it was better than her father. He still looked surprised at her career choice every time it was brought up. Minako had been to every single agent in town, and had always been told the same thing, just in different variations.

No.

It really got discouraging after awhile. The others did not know about her failed attempts. Whenever they asked her how she was doing, she cleverly turned the conversation on to them. They would go on about some funny thing that had happened to them that day, though in reality it wasn't all that funny, and forget the question. That way they wouldn't figure out that her job at the department store wasn't just something to pass the time and earn some extra money for shopping sprees that she was always too busy to attend. She needed the job.

Her parents had kicked her out right after graduation... or rather her mother had. Her father had been too busy reading the paper to even notice that she was gone. Her mother had told her that now she was officially an adult. There was no need for them to take care of her, feed her, clothe her, and shelter her. She was on her own now to pursue her doomed dream of being an idol all she liked. Then her mother had promptly slammed the door in her face and now called Minako every day at her virtually bare apartment to ask how her so called life was going.

That was one of the many reasons why Minako truly hated her mother.

Minako had somehow managed to keep her secret from her friends over the past few months. She had sworn Artemis to secrecy, threatening severe bodily harm and a boycott on toy mice if he told them. She had also come up with a plethora of excuses as to why they could not ever meet at her house. After several outlandish stories, she had been forced to admit that her parents were actually sexual fiends.

This was also not true, but it no one had brought up going to her place since.

Perhaps she should admit what was happening... but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Maybe it was her foolish pride. Maybe she didn't want their pity. Maybe she knew that one of them would insist that she live with them and Minako already knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it. Whatever it was, she felt guilty for her silence, but fearful of speaking up.

These were her friends. They were there to help her through anything. They had fought together, cried together, and died together several times. But she couldn't talk to them about her terrible living conditions, uncertain future, and a mother directly descended from Satan. But despite those thoughts, they would never know the truth.

Hide your pain with a smile. That was her motto.

She rarely if ever actually confided in them when she felt anything profound or on the depressing spectrum. She just kept acting quixotic, knowing that the crazier she sounded, the less they would hear what she was actually saying.

The one time she had broken her shell of sunshine and rainbows was back when they were fighting Beryl. Minako's sordid past had come back to haunt her, and she had been forced to reluctantly tell all of the necessary details to Usagi and the guardian cats. That was the one time she had really shared any of her pain.

The other Senshi still didn't know what Usagi had meant when she had said, "I think Minako's more mature than any of us..." Minako was eternally grateful for that.

All other times in recent years, Minako had kept all of her torment to herself. Every time something mortifying happened to her, she would suffer in silence and never let them know.

When she had asked a boy out and he had been utterly confused because he had never seen her before, she went off and cried in the bathroom. She had remained there for all of lunch and a full class period afterwards. She had spent the latter half of that hour fixing her make up. When they asked where she had been during class later, Minako pretended that she had decided to cut class and came up with a wild story about how she had avoided the patrolling administration.

When her mother had accused her of doing awful things and being a terrible, disgraceful person for sneaking out so much, she went ballistic on a demon. She had killed it before Sailor Moon could even get there, but she hadn't told the others what was wrong. Later, she had told them she had been experiencing a particularly bad case of PMS and it was now one of those funny stories they brought up at sleepovers and coffee dates.

When Minako had caught wind of some nasty, vulgar rumors being spread about her back in Junior High school, she had searched for a reason. There had been none to speak of save for the fact that some popular girl wasn't fond of her red bow. She had cried with Artemis, never telling him what happened. He knew better than to ask anymore.

With enough dramatic wackiness and staunch conviction placed in her explanations, they believed her.

Minako put up very good facades. She had learned to do that quickly from her time as Sailor V. There were times when she thought about going to Katarina with certain problems... If they weren't battle related, she felt as if she should not bother her older sister, who was used to dealing with drug rings, not the fact that Minako had no other friends.

So she had simply gone to Katarina, Artemis, or Alan and cried. She had never given an explanation, she just cried... She quickly learned that crying with them only created more problems, so she decided to laugh instead.

At first, when she had come back to Japan, Minako had continued it because she didn't really know the others that well. Then they had gotten closer, and Minako found it extremely hard to break herself of the habit she worked so hard to maintain. She tried a few times, but she had found it too difficult to do. She had gotten all too accustomed to bearing her pain with a large, obnoxious grin on her face. She just kept right on smiling, hiding her pain from them all.

It became easier as time went on. Now she didn't even think about hiding things from them. She just did it.

"Hey, Minako!"

Minako's eyes fluttered open at the sound of her name. She sat up, surprised to see a dripping Makoto standing in front of her with a knowing smile on her face. She giggled, probably at the look on Minako's face. The future featured female on Iron Chef shook her head and chided, "I've been standing here for about ten minutes trying to get your attention. Did you doze off or something?"

Minako stared at her for a moment, the truth rising in her throat like bile. However, as always, she quickly flashed a smile that could have blinded from pearlescent hue and sunbeams. "Yeah. I guess I must have dozed off."

She didn't even think about it. Not even for the little things.

Ami took off her headphones and stretched luxuriously. Minako wasn't entirely sure how, but the water nymph currently out of her element seemed to know what they were talking about without prompting. "Did you get any sleep last night Minako? I know you've been staying up late a lot recently."

Minako frowned slightly. That was true. She had been staying up recently. The other Senshi were usually content to remain curled up in their warm beds, but Minako had taken to going on nightly patrols. She was restless at all times, but it was worst when the ominous blanket passed over the metropolitan city. She had, managed to collar a few criminals and interrupt a few muggings. She'd even trounced a peeping tom last week outside of Unazaki's window... And alerted Motoki to the problem. He had been rather surprised when Sailor Venus popped in through his window, but he had soon forgotten about it in favor of rendering a perverted drop out to a whimpering pile of something resembling a human being.

Minako usually went on the patrols alone, rarely taking breaks. However, every now and again Makoto or sometimes even Ami would accompany her. Rei and Usagi were too busy with duties and boyfriends and only attended when their respective males did something idiotic. Of course, Sailor Mars had accidentally melted a fire escape in her frustration once, but that could happen to anyone.

"Not much," Minako said truthfully. There was no reason to lie about every little thing she said after all. "I was at Naru's all night. There's been a jewelry robber working the Juuban district lately, and you know how the Osakas tend to attract trouble."

Thanks to Minako's flippant tone, and the amusing truthfulness of the assessment, the five girls chuckled at the reminder. A number of theories had been tossed back and forth as to why Naru in particular seemed to find favor among demons. One had been more outlandish than the next. It had gotten to the point where topping each other had proved futile and the subject had been dropped for good.

Naturally, Minako had won the contest with her theory of Naru's missing father being an illegitimate child between a Lemur and a Youma with some possible Daimon ancestry.

The blonde beauty shrugged and pushed her sunglasses onto her darkening brow. "It was a waste of time. The robber hit a store on the other side of town. He wasn't even in the area."

"Minako, why don't you let this patrol thing go?" Makoto asked with a sigh.

"Yeah," added Rei, swimming over to the side and resting her elbows on the painful cement at the side. "I mean, I'm not saying you haven't done good things for the city. That one mugger was wanted in Germany for attempted murder."

Ami nodded and put in her own two cents. "You and Makoto busted that crime ring that the police have been trying to infiltrate for three years. Granted that was largely due in part to the accidental electrocution of the majority of the group-"

"And," Makoto interrupted loudly, glaring in Ami's direction. "Motoki sings your praises just about every day. I imagine that Aino Minako and Sailor Venus are going to get an invitation to Reika and Motoki's wedding."

"You should really get some sleep." Usagi chirped with a grin wider than Minako's and a thousand times more genuine. She made quite a picture with one pigtail completely fallen, the other well on its way, and a red nose to rival the suit Rei was wearing. "Actresses need their beauty rest."

Minako managed to keep from flinching at that and continued the conversation as casually as possible. "I'm just bored I guess. Besides, if there's one less thief out there, the more donuts the fat men in blue hats can scarf down and get even more fat."

The police force, now there was an evil institution if Minako ever saw one.

"Still," Ami said in her no-nonsense, practical voice. "Usagi's right. You need sleep. It isn't healthy to stay up late for so many nights in a row."

"Yes, Dr. Ami." Minako said with a smirk.

"Oh, hush."

Makoto bent down, looking at her with a furrowed brow. After a few moments, she sighed and admitted what had clearly been weighing on her mind the entire time. "I don't like this. It was cute at first but... You look exhausted, Minako. I couldn't tell when you had those glasses on, but now I see the bags under your eyes."

Minako blushed slightly as the other three Senshi now found it necessary to lean as close to her face as humanly possible to verify this fact for themselves. Once they found that to be true, they immediately started in on her all at once.

"Minako, you look awful!" Usagi cried.

Ami shook her head in a disapproving manner. "You should be sleeping more. Especially now when we don't have to have so many late nights."

Thankfully, the no one noticed Minako's eye twitch ever so slightly.

"If you're really worried about Naru and her mother, I can watch for you tonight. I don't have anything really important tomorrow," Rei offered kindly.

"No!" Minako nearly shouted, startling a few other visitors to the pool.

The four girls jumped at Minako's outburst, staring at her as if she'd just announced her plans to take over the world in a manner not involving the Ginzuishou. The blonde flushed, running a hand through her bowless hair, adding, "It's just... Well, I think you need to spend more time with Yuuichirou. Not chasing jewel thieves."

Rei scoffed and said, "Minako, I live with the boy. I find myself growing tired of him sometimes. As a matter of fact, I was planning on getting away from him tonight anyway."

Usagi blinked in confusion and said, "I thought you said tonight was movie night for you guys and you were going to-" She jumped back a little when Rei sent her a death glare. She stared at her blankly for a moment and then realized that she probably shouldn't have said that. She laughed nervously and found nothing more adequate to say aside from, "Umm... Oops?"

Minako smiled slightly. Perhaps it was best if she just give in to them. No doubt she would arrive at the Osa-P Jewelry Shop to find the four of them waiting for her to keep her company or send her home. Besides, the grueling pace she had set herself was proving difficult to maintain. At last, she relented and said, "All right. I'll stay home tonight. I promise."

Before the others could so much as heave a sigh of relief, Minako was moving. She was soon on her feet, grabbing her purse. She threw her beach towel with the latest idol's face stamped on it over her shoulder. He had a grin as large and obnoxious as her own stamped on his face. She tilted her head, causing her glasses to fall back into place and said, "Well, I need to go. I need to work on a few monologues. I'm looking into trying my hand at the stage. I'll be the first Japanese native to win a Tony award. It'll be fabulous!"

She waved to the others, said a quick goodbye, and was gone before they really knew what hit them.

A few moments after Minako was out of earshot, Usagi folded her arms across her chest. She laid a finger lightly on her chin, tapping it and looking upwards. She was obviously thinking. The others waited patiently for her to finish processing her thoughts until she was ready to voice them aloud... And voice she did.

"Do you guys ever get the feeling that she's hiding something?"

-----

Minako reached her apartment quickly. She had cleverly found a fairly cheap one in a central location in relation to her normal hangouts. She had been quite surprised that she wasn't living in a cubicle, but thankfully she had a lot of rich relatives and family friends who had never bothered to get to know her. Therefore, they had felt obligated to send her love in the form of the almighty yen. It turned out that both of her parents had come from large families. It was helpful to her cause.

She had managed to amass enough money to keep her apartment for the six months or so. The salary from her job helped, but not much. Especially considering that Minako had nearly destroyed the store on several occasions. Well, maybe not anything that drastic, but there had been a number of unpleasant incidents. Her saving grace was that she was a fashion expert and that the manager had a crush on her.

She had always said her looks were a gift and a curse... but mostly a gift.

The aspiring actress smiled ruefully at the thought as she continued to dig through her large bag in seemingly futile search for her keys. She was going to have to ask Ami at some point if there was some kind of law she had learned in Physics class that would explain this. It did seem as though the most necessary items seemed to be the hardest to find.

After nearly dumping out her purse in the hallway, Minako recovered the modest set of keys and inserted the correct one into the lock. She also had a key to Makoto's place, Usagi and Mamoru's apartment, the Mizunos' penthouse, and her own home. The final was never used and kept only for nostalgic purposes.

She turned the key and walked inside, catching a glimpse of herself at the mirror just beside the door. She really did look awful with split ends, a haggard pallor, and a rather nasty looking outfit. The blonde hadn't had the chance to get to a Laundromat recently.

She continued to study her reflection with an appraising eye. Minako couldn't help but be disappointed. As radiant as she normally looked, she looked positively wretched at the moment. She had thought maybe the others had been exaggerating earlier. Clearly, they weren't.

Minako was running herself down. And there wasn't even a point to it.

She tossed her bag down on the floor where an end table should have been and walked into her one room apartment. It was equipped with a purple beanbag chair, a microwave, a small dorm refrigerator, a litter box and food dish (surrounded with potpourri and scented candles), and a futon. The only thing that made it look even remotely homely was the walls covered in pictures.

There were still frames from when she had first met them, and they had decided to take a photo for posterity's sake. They had all put on their favorite outfits and stood at a particularly scenic area of the shrine. It was perfect, save for the slightly haunted look in Usagi's eyes. But then that was to be expected.

There were pictures from the week that Minako had decided to become a wedding planner and nearly ruined both Usagi's and Reika's weddings. Ami had managed to capture the exact moment when Reika had leapt over the table and attempted to strangle the flighty blonde in mid-air.

There were numerous pictures from when the four girls had decided to spy on Rei and Yuuichirou's first date at the priciest restaurant in town. Makoto had blown their cover by sampling some Italian dish Minako couldn't hope to pronounce and demanding to know the recipe. Rei had then proceeded to chase them all around the restaurant in a rage. Thankfully, her date had found it rather amusing and pulled out his camera.

There were pictures from when Mamoru had finally come home from Harvard and Usagi had attempted to propose to him. Of course, Usagi had been crying so hard that Mamoru still wasn't entirely sure what she had been asking him. They had all decided that the point was moot and rarely mentioned it.

There were photos from the cooking contest Makoto had won the year before and the flower contest the year before that. Minako's favorites were from right after her graduation. Unfortunately, all of her distant relatives decided to send her plants in conjunction with cash. They had successfully turned her apartment into a jungle.

However, the most amusing of the bunch were most assuredly from when they had all decided that Ami needed a makeover. It wasn't because she looked bad. Far from it. As a matter of fact, they had probably only done it out of boredom on a day when they had nothing to do. There had been much debate over the exact like, but they had eventually decided to turn her into a motorcycle chick, a Goth freak, a jock, and a movie star all on different days the same week.

Minako smiled at the memories. She wasn't depressed all the time after all. It was in moments such as those were she was distracted with a true sense of belonging and love and happiness where she didn't pay her fears a second thought.

And then she would come home. There she felt as if they the entire world was closing in on her, suffocating and choking the life out of her. And she could dream of nothing but standing in an empty room, naked and alone. She had accomplished nothing and her mother's cruel voice echoed through the expanse, forever reminding her of her failures.

Minako shivered and put it out of mind.

She was about to get undressed and possibly shower or nap, when two balls of fur streaked in from outside, polar opposites of each other. The golden girl recognized Luna and Artemis immediately and greeted them in kind. They both seemed rather surprised at her hospitality.

That probably had something to do with the fact that Luna especially was supposed to think that Minako was still living at home.

Minako had always known that Artemis would more than likely tell his significant other of her troubles. It was to be expected after all. And she had always known that Luna would insist on seeing her the moment Artemis finally broke down. Minako was rather surprised he had held out for as long as he had.

"Sorry if I interrupted a hot date, Fuzzy," Minako remarked breezily as she patted her guardian on the head. "I'm afraid I won't be going anywhere, so please do not attempt to-"

"I think it is best if I don't let you finish that sentence," Luna interrupted, affecting a stern den mother.

Artemis nodded. "More than likely."

"I assure you, the decision was wise," Minako guaranteed them as she sat down in her bean bag chair. She settled into it, leaning back and once again thanking her lucky stars that she hadn't gotten inflatable furniture. "Seriously, what are you two here for? Impending doom on the rise? Odd sightings in outer space? People disappearing? Small pox outbreak? What?"

Minako felt supremely guilty as she almost wished that at least one of those were true. She wanted to fix something she hadn't caused, not just pick up her own damage. Or worse yet, do nothing at all.

"I'm afraid our business here is mundane," Luna commented, her right ear twitching at Minako's words. The blonde once again wondered just how perceptive their cats were, but thought it best to ignore. "Artemis is worried about you. And so am I."

Minako nodded, not at all surprised. "I was wondering how long it would take him to tell you what was going on."

Artemis straightened at the comment, as if shocked that she would think such a thing of him. Then he realized that it had been true and promptly hung his head. It was a needless act, but Minako did not reach out to comfort him. A promise was still a promise after all, even if she had known it was bound to be broken.

"You should tell them," Luna said plainly.

Minako shook her head and responded the only way she could. "No."

Luna sighed, clearly exasperated and flipped her tail back and forth. Her ears flattened slightly as she continued. "Minako, they are your friends. They can help you! Your financial situation obviously isn't that great."

"I have enough to pay the rent, pay the bills, and feed myself and the cat. That's all I need," Minako quipped smartly.

Luna would have liked to argue that point at length, but knew from experience that it was useless. Each of the Senshi had a stubborn streak in them, and it was just easier in the long run if she picked her battles. It had taken her several years to learn.

"Financial stability aside," Luna surmised, ending that line of conversation, "He is-- We are more concerned with your emotional health."

Minako arched an eyebrow and glanced over at her mentor and friend. Her emotional health? She would have thought more attention would have been placed on the more physical aspect of her problems. For example, she'd lost weight over the past few months. That was something she couldn't hide. But she thought she had kept her emotions fairly well… Had she grown lax around Artemis? Or did he know her so well that she couldn't fool him anymore?

She wondered if maybe she should have expected the conversation to take this turn. Still, she felt somehow betrayed, and in a manner more profound than before. She narrowed her gaze and muttered, "What all did you tell her?"

Artemis did not make eye contact with her. She supposed he couldn't bring himself to do it. "I have just told her what I have seen," he admitted softly. "I've been watching you, Minako. More than you know. I've seen the look on your face when you come back from your patrols empty handed. I've heard your conversations with your mother. And I've watched you sleep, on the rare occasion you do. You seem to be trapped in a constant nightmare, and honestly, it is scaring me."

She stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. A childish part of her wanted to accuse him of eavesdropping, but a rational side of that she often chose to ignore in flights of fancy took charge. He lived with her after all. He was going to hear her phone calls and see what she did.

Of course, that only meant she would have to be more careful.

"I'm just restless," Minako told them quickly.

It wasn't a lie. It was the truth. However, it was not the whole truth, but it was enough to suffice them.

"I don't have any projects or boyfriends to occupy my time... Just a boring job and the occasional outing with the girls and fruitless patrols. And what's worse is, I can't even come up with different ways to occupy my time. Let's face it. Normally I would just go out man hunting or something, but I can't work up the enthusiasm for it."

That was also true. Minako had dabbled in a boyfriend here and there, but none of them proved to be nearly as exciting as their outward appearance hinted at. The longest one had lasted five dates because there was a chance that he was the cousin of a movie director. She had never found out the answer to that question, and honestly, no job was worth suffering his company.

Even Luna seemed taken aback but the statement, but she recovered quickly. "That's what we assumed. And we think we may have a solution."

Minako's ears perked up and all animosity, scant as it may have been, vanished from her disposition. She had often wondered if it was healthy to take advice from a cat, but at the moment, Luna may as well have been an iguana. Any possible answer to her predicament was like heaven.

Maybe she could be happy again. Not just for brief moments, but for long enough so that she didn't identity with Zoloft® and Prozac® commercials. She could do something. She could succeed or at least make a valiant attempt. She'd finally feel whole, complete. She could live her life at long last.

"What is it?" Minako asked hurriedly, slipping and sounding desperate. "Tell me."

Artemis and Luna turned to exchange a glance, as if trying to decide who should speak or what they should say. At the same moment, an understanding passed between them. They turned to her and said the same thing in perfectly choreographed synchronization.

"Get the hell out of Tokyo."

Coming Soon - Part One: Le Voyage


	2. Part One: Le Voyage

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part One: Le Voyage - The Ones She Left Behind  
2/9  
by Kihin Ranno

Minako buckled herself into the uncomfortable seat, attempting to find a somewhat comfortable position despite the overall lack of legroom. As directed by the various and sundry flight attendants as well as the dog-eared paper brochure she had glanced at just for kicks, she pulled the fraying grey strap taught, cutting down on the slack. She pursed her lips slightly, though the change was too subtle for anyone around her to notice. She had pulled the tough fabric nearly to its limit before she felt secure.

She realized, not for the first time, that she had grown too thin as of late.

She laughed lightly to herself, faintly shaking her head. It was good that she was getting away. Of course, she hadn't thought so initially. In fact, she had been quite certain that both cats had either completely lost their minds or they were actually demon kitties from another dimension. It had taken a great amount of convincing for her to abandon the latter notion. It was quite lucky that Luna had managed to alleviate her irrational fears before she finished smothering Artemis with her pillow.

But really, could they blame her? It was only natural for her to be suspicious. A clever enemy would have attempted to split the Sailor Senshi up at their core just when they had grown complacent. And of course, it would be best for them to go right for the weakest link - the doubting Thomas in the group. They would prey on Minako's insecurities of her future and her desperate need to find... something. They would remove her from the rag tag band by any means necessary. With one of their strongest fighter gone, Sailor Moon and her Senshi would quickly be annihilated and the world would be open for domination.

That should have tipped her off immediately. No enemy was that clever.

Minako smiled to herself, thinking back on that previous week. Yes, the five of them really were a rag tag bunch of misfits. They were made that much stranger by Mamoru's continued presence as he and Usagi were joined at the hip whenever they weren't at work. And in spite of all their oddities and differences, they were always there for each other, bound together by some invisible bond that resulted from the fact that they had all literally been to hell and back again. They were meant to be together. And they were meant to help each other no matter what the cost.

It was for this very reason that she was sitting on an airplane at that precise moment. It seemed as though Minako had grown careless in constructing the walls around her true nature, allowing some of the shadows to slip through the cracks. Usagi and the others had been wondering if anything had been wrong with Minako for some time. When Luna had arrived home, slightly dismayed as the aspiring actress had turned her and Artemis down flat, Usagi had confronted her guardian about her suspicions immediately.

It was a strange twist of fate that Minako had been furious about at first, but now she was grateful for it.

An impromptu Sailor Senshi meeting had been called as a result. Hotaru's surrogate family could not attend of course as they were too busy traveling abroad and just being mysteriously elusive. However, Usagi, Ami, Makoto, Rei, and even Mamoru have been waiting for her when she arrived.

Minako had instantly known what it was about the moment she saw the resolved expressions on Luna's and Artemis's faces. She had nearly turned and left them then, but as always, Usagi's endearingly sweet voice made her rethink her instinct.

She had attempted to insist that they needed her there in Tokyo. After all, what if a new enemy came? She couldn't just selfishly take off and leave them to be trampled without their fearless leader. But they all assured her that she was being ridiculous, saying that no enemy could wipe them out that quickly. The moment things looked bad, if they ever did look bad before the Great Calamity (which was their current name for the tragedy that would bring about Crystal Tokyo) befell them, they would contact her instantly. She would be on the next plane out of... wherever it was she would be.

After nearly an hour of playing verbal ping pong on this subject, her four friends had managed to wear Minako down. She wasn't entirely sure when this had happened or what her reasons had been for doing so. Actually, she suspected that she had just gotten tired of listening to them, but that thought only crossed her mind in the most cynical of moments. No matter what the case was, once that argument was settled, there was really only one thing left to do...

Figure out where she was going.

This proved to be easier said then done. Since Minako had never actually considered leaving Tokyo seriously before then, she didn't have any desire to venture anywhere in particular. Still, the other girls had big dreams just like she did, and their help proved to be vital in making the final decision.

Numerous possibilities had been brought up and quickly discounted for one reason or another. It had quickly been decided that Minako had to get out of the country. Minako had not been a part of reaching this conclusion, but she wasn't really against the idea, so she let it pass.

Rei had initially brought up London, seeing as Minako had already spent some time there. It was for that very reason that the two surface sisters had practically flattened Rei in their haste to erase that from the list of possibilities.

America had been shot down because Usagi had managed to convince herself that anyone who went there wound up subjected to some horrible fate as a result of what had happened to Mamoru. Of course, while she had been blubbering about that, she had been hanging on his arm like she was drowning and making a rather unnecessarily large scene. Minako had finally said she wouldn't even think of going there when she noticed that Mamoru's hand had begun to turn blue.

Then there came a list of other countries that Minako couldn't see herself going to... China was too crowded. Ireland was too wet. Scotland was even wetter. Canada was too useless. Germany was too... German.

Minako had been just on the verge of telling them all to forget it. After all, it was quite nice to think about, but there was no way she was actually going to go through with it anyway. Well, not if they couldn't think of any suitable place for her to go. She had even opened her mouth, the words poised on her lips, ready to fall out of her mouth and onto the ears of her eternal companions.

"What about Paris?" Mamoru had asked.

That was all it had taken for Minako to shut her mouth.

Every girl in the group glanced over at Mamoru in surprise. Three little words, and the group was struck dumb, astounded by the simplicity of the answer. They had all exchanged glances, waiting for one of them to find fault with the suggestion. After nearly a full minute of blissful quiet, the girls had all leapt to their feet in celebration.

Aino Minako's destination had been found.

The memory faded into the depths of Minako's mind, leaving the traveler staring out the window as if it were a TV screen, replaying all recent events. She smiled softly, lost in nostalgia, wiping away a stray tear from mascara dark lashes. She was always almost painfully aware of just how much her friends cared for her. Nevertheless, it was in moments like that in which it was so clear that they placed their whole hearts into their relationships. It had moved Minako to tears on more than one occasion. Now that she was leaving them, she was surprised more did not spring from her eyes. But then, perhaps she had done enough crying at the going away party their girls had thrown her a few days before.

_

* * *

_

_Flashback_

* * *

It wasn't often that Minako could actually recall proverbs or adages correctly, but there were some that were so simple, even her mixed up mind couldn't get it wrong. One of those scarce few was the saying, "You learn something new every day."

As Minako's hip banged into what felt like the eighth piece of furniture, she learned that it was very to difficult to walk when someone was covering your eyes with their hands.

"Oh! Sorry, Minako!" cried the voice that eased wander lusting girl where others would have spurned her anger.

Which was when Minako learned that Usagi was rarely if ever helpful in these situations.

"Usagi..." Minako whined, affecting a cute pout even though it was essentially useless given that the bunny on a constant sugar high was standing behind her and a heterosexual female. "I'm going to be black and blue if this keeps up! Why can't I just open my eyes?"

Usagi scoffed, probably rolling her eyes as if this should be painfully obvious.

"Because it's a surprise!"

"Usagi, you already told me it's a surprise party," Minako muttered good naturedly.

"Remember? The first time I asked you why you were doing this and you said it was because you didn't want me to see the decorations before everyone popped up and yelled surprise?"

"Umm..." Usagi said sheepishly.

Minako grinned, holding back the urge to giggle. "So, doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of this whole thing?"

The future queen of Earth didn't respond for a few moments.

"But Rei and Mamo-chan and everyone **else** doesn't know that I accidentally told you about the party," Usagi whispered conspiratorially. "You're the actress. Act like I didn't slip!"

Minako shook her head vigorously, momentarily throwing Usagi off balance. "I'm afraid not. I haven't had nearly enough time to prepare. I couldn't possibly pull off a perfectly executed performance worthy of Aino Minako's standards with mere minutes to get ready. Sorry. No can do."

"Minako!" Usagi whined, sounding eerily like Minako had just minutes before. "You have to! Rei said she wouldn't let me have any of Makoto's Double Fudge Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream Cake if I couldn't keep a secret!"

Usagi stamped her foot for emphasis, eliciting a giggle from her temporarily blind companion. The latter waved her hand flippantly and said, "Don't worry Usagi, I'll make sure you get a piece"

The smaller girl hugged Minako from behind, keeping on hand over her eyes. "Thank you Minako! You're my only real friend!"

"if you let me walk on my own."

There was a long, smoldering pause. However, in the interests of food, Usagi released Minako, hunched over and grumbling irritably in spite of Minako's stellar smile. Usagi didn't even crack a smile when Minako blew her a kiss and flounced up the remainder of the stairs merrily, throwing open the door to Mamoru's apartment with her usual flourish.

"Surprise!" Minako shouted, beating the assembled party goers to the punch. "Now let me at that cake!"

* * *

Minako giggled aloud at the memory, momentarily attracting the attention of the stern businessman she'd been seated next to. He glared at her, but his type was easy to disarm. One glance at the wedding ring that was on the verge of cutting off his circulation that finger said all that Minako needed to know about the man. She flashed him yet another one of her movie star smiles. He became quite flustered, fumbled about a bit, and eventually buried himself in his newspaper that he had already thoroughly perused at the gate. Judging by the flush in his cheeks and the way he kept glancing at his wedding band indicated that he wouldn't bother her again for the remainder of the flight.

Satisfied that she could continue to reminisce without interruption, Minako continued to think back to that night. An argument had ensued once Usagi had dragged herself into the apartment, but Makoto and Minako managed to calm Rei down enough to climb down off the chair and stop holding the scrumptious cake out of Usagi's reach.

As it turned out, the party had been a lot more elaborate than Minako had originally assumed. The girls had invited all of their friends including Motoki, Yuuichirou, Naru, Umino, and even Asai whom Minako hadn't seen in years. A little digging revealed that he was single, but she wasn't about to pursue any kind of relationship when she was leaving in all of three days.

But she refused to let the boy leave until she had procured his phone number. What kind of love goddess would she had been otherwise?

The party had been a clear success, filled with a lot of laughter, dancing, karaoke (in which Minako obviously received a standing ovation), eating, and everything else that one could expect to see at such an event. The highlight of the night had been when everyone had gotten up to say what their favorite memory of Minako was.

A lot of jokes had been made at her expense, particularly when Mamoru read a list he had compiled of his favorite mixed up phrases. Makoto recounted just about every embarrassing moment in Minako's boy chasing history while Rei chose to recount all of her relatively amusing klutz attacks. Motoki talked about the arcade, Yuuchirou talked about all of Minako's failed attempts to get he and Rei together, and Asai talked about her spinning dig... And Ami talked about how she was smarter than people told her and how proud she was of Minako. And Usagi talked about how she still looked up to her after all these years. And just about all of them said the same thing in one way or another.

"I don't know how if I'll like it's going to be without you here."

All of the available Kleenex had been broken into immediately. The party had quickly degenerated into a sobbing extravaganza, filled with hugs that left her breathless and fragile promises to call every day. She'd even had to assure Usagi on several occasions that she would come back.

Minako smiled wistfully as the airplane began to taxi to get to the runway. She ignored the flight attendants giving instructions on what to do in case of emergency. Seeing as she'd helped save the world on numerous occasions, she didn't think a plane crash would be all that difficult in the long run. She was going to miss all of them terribly. And she knew she probably wouldn't call them every day as promised. Not because she was busy... but because it might be too painful to listen to Usagi trying not to cry over the telephone line.

Her smile suddenly changed to a frown, her unmanicured nails digging into her palm. She had promised herself that she wouldn't think about the bad things that had happened to her recently, but such vows were easily broken. There were, after all, some people she wouldn't miss at all.

_

* * *

_

_Flashback_

* * *

Minako was sprawled out on the dirty floor of her apartment, attempting to find a comfortable position as stiff carpet fibers dug into her bare arms. Doing this at a table would have been much more efficient and less uncomfortable, but she didn't have that option as she didn't own a table. She'd always thought that it was a largely unnecessary item, but she was beginning to rethink that.

The blonde rolled over onto her back, flinching as a discarded pencil dug into the small of her back. She arched her back to get at it and then stuck it behind her ear in annoyance as she surveyed her options. The reality of what she was doing was sinking in more and more as she surveyed the prices of the flights. Thus far, it didn't look good. The cheapest she could find was 209,822 yen. She had known that the trip was bound to be expensive, but she had been hoping to find something that didn't hurt her wallet so much.

Not to mention, all of Ami's advice had done nothing but mess with her head. She had met with Ami at a cafe for lunch. She had taken the liberty of looking for reasonably priced flights over the internet for Minako. It was something Minako greatly appreciated since she hadn't owned a computer since she moved out. However, she would have been perfectly fine if Ami had just told her what the cheapest flight was. That was initially her main concern.

But no, Ami had also given her a complete breakdown on the various airlines' safety ratings, lawsuit history, flight times, and a prediction of the jet stream. All of it had made Minako's head hurt, but now she couldn't get the girl's words out of her head. It gave the blonde a headache no amount of Advil could get rid of.

Minako knew that Ami was hardly at fault in the situation. After all, she and the others were still under the impression that Minako was living with her parents. They were also under the impression that while the Ainos had their difficulties, underneath it all, they were basically a group of loving individuals. Her parents would be happy to pay for Minako's excursion to find herself.

She scoffed at the very notion and folded a nearby slip of paper into a paper airplane. She hurled it at her microwave, feeling some satisfaction when the nose crumbled upon impact and crashed to the ground.

The fact of the matter was, in Minako's opinion, the matriarch of the Aino family was a self serving, temperamental, unlikable harpy who could think of nothing better to do than continually remind her daughter that she was a hopeless failure. Aino Kaida was not a kind woman. Minako could think of no happy memories involving her, not even from childhood. The woman with bottle red hair and grey roots had a perpetual scowl on her face and stone where her heart should have been. She claimed it was all for the good of her daughter's welfare, but Minako had stopped listening to that line almost a decade ago.

Her father wasn't much better. When she was younger and he hadn't been as busy, he had been the ideal dad. But as time went on, he grew reserved, silent, and cold. Never once had he come to Minako's defense, although the look on his face seemed to suggest that he was sympathetic to his daughter's cause. Still, he was too busy or too afraid of his own wife to fight for her. His apathy burned Minako far more than her mother's cruel intentions ever would.

But her friends didn't know much about the situation. Minako would casually mention her extreme dislike for her mother, but it was attributed to the usual discord that existed between mothers and their teenage daughters. She never mentioned her father, treating him with the indifference he deserved after his years of silence.

Artemis sometimes wondered aloud if she had been too hard on them, but Minako never allowed such conversations to get very far. It was thanks to Aino Kaida that Minako had a tendency to be so strange. She even maintained that the older woman would land her in therapy yet. It was really no surprise that Minako had stopped answering her phone calls and was putting off telling her parents about her trip for as long as humanly possible.

As if on cue, the phone rang.

Minako reached over for the cell phone, resisting the temptation to throw it against the wall when she saw the display name. Of course, it was her mother.

She debated whether or not to actually answer the phone call, but seeing as she would be leaving in a few days, she figured that she may as well. Minako flipped open the phone, not even bothering to say hello. As expected, the lecture began immediately.

"Aino Minako!" Kaida screeched over the other end. "Where have you been? Your father and I were worried to death when you stopped answering the phone. We were positively beside ourselves! I almost called the police to find you until I ran into one of your friends today. Aki was it?"

"Ami," Minako corrected. No matter how many times she told her mother what her friends' names were, Kaida never remembered. Still, that was her best guess yet. "Her name is Mizuno Ami."

"Right," Kaida said, paying her little attention. "Lovely girl by the way. Very polite. She should learn to look people in the eye when she talks and not stammer so much."

Minako's grip on the cell phone tightened. "She's shy, mother," Minako ground out

through clenched teeth. "And what do you think gives you the right to judge"

"Well, we're all shy," Kaida continued, oblivious to the fact that her daughter had been attempted to stand up for her friend's character. "She should get over it. Anyway, she assured me that she'd just had lunch with you."

"And I assure you that I'm alive," Minako grumbled, preparing to hang up the phone. She just wouldn't tell her mother that she was leaving. What business was it of hers anyway? "Now if you're through ranting and raving, I'll be"

"She also told me something else quite interesting," Kaida said in the tone of voice Minako had grown to fear in her youth and despise as time went on.

Minako flinched, realizing what must have happened. Poor Ami had no idea that Kaida and her daughter weren't on speaking terms. She would have mentioned the trip without realizing the potential damage it would cause. Kaida may have even vented her anger at Ami once she found out about what Minako was doing behind her back. Minako could only hope that Kaida had kept a civil tongue in public as appearances were so important to her.

Minako finally broke the tense silence that had grown between them. "What did she tell you?"

"That you're going to PARIS!" Kaida shouted, causing Minako to hold the phone away from her now throbbing ear. "Aino Minako, what gives you the right to plan a trip out of the country without telling me? Were you just going to leave without even bothering to mention it? Where are you getting the money for this? You aren't doing anything shameful are you? I know that none of you auditions have gotten you any jobs. And why are you going? You don't know anyone in Paris! Just because you did reasonably well in the French classes you took in High School"

"I got an 'A,' mother," Minako finally interrupted, her voice icy as she held back the screams that threatened to spill over. "My teacher said that I'm considered fluent in French. And I took that class because I passed the English Efficiency Exam with flying colors. I want to get out of Tokyo, so where else would I go?"

Kaida sighed, exasperated. "That isn't the point. Why are you leaving at all? It doesn't make sense. You're perfectly happy here"

"What do you know about how happy I am!" Minako snapped, her voice cracking without her consent. She swallowed in an attempt to get it back under her control, although she knew it was useless to fight. "You have made it your mission in life to make me miserable. You don't care about my happiness."

There was a long, stunned pause on the other line. Finally, Kaida spoke again, her voice very small. "Minako"

"And another thing," Minako continued, silently cursing the way her eyes burned no matter how much she fought against it. "I'm leaving Tokyo because I want to get away... I want to get away from you, Mama."

Kaida sputtered over the other end of the line, trying to say something. Minako wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise, rushing through a monologue she had prepared days earlier. She was trying hard not to cry and failing. She was glad her mother wasn't there to see it.

"All I've ever heard from you are lectures on how I'm going to be useless like Daddy. You've told me that I'm clumsy and flighty and dimwitted and frivolous and superficial and... And I don't even want to think about what else.

"But I know that all of that isn't true. I'm a good girl, Mama. I have friends who care about me. I'm talented. I'm driven. I have a pure heart that wants to help people and a beautiful dream to be an actress.

"But every time I go to an audition, I hear your voice in my head. You telling me that I'm foolish. You telling me that I'll never be the famous idol that I want to be. You have never said one good thing about me.

"You've never said, 'I love you just the way you are,' or 'I'm proud of who you're becoming.' You've never said one good thing about me. Not ever. Not even when I was a little girl.

"And maybe you are right about some things... I don't know where I'm going. I'm still not sure where this life is taking me. I don't even really know why I'm going to Paris or anywhere at all.

"But I don't really give a damn because you won't be where I'm going."

Minako hung up the phone, paying no attention to Kaida almost begging her not to do so. She sat on the floor for awhile, trembling with the effort it was taking her not to cry. Then she grabbed the piece of paper with the cheapest flight information, dialed the telephone number Ami had given her, and vowed never to speak to her mother again.

* * *

"Attention passengers. Flight 901 on Korean Air is now departing Tokyo, Japan. We ask that you please make sure that your seatbelts are securely fastened and that your tray tables are secure in front of you. Please turn off all cell phones, computers, games, personal CD players, or other electronic devices. We will let you know when it is acceptable to use any one of these items. Please keep your cell phones off for the duration of the flight. If you wish to place a call, please use the telephones located in the seat in front of you.

"We will be landing in Seoul, Korea at Gimpo in approximately two hours and twenty minutes. There we ask that all passengers bound for Paris, France please remain on board the aircraft or you will risk giving up your seat. We will then depart for Charles de Gaulle Airport. We expect to arrive there in approximately seventeen hours from now. Thank you for your patience and please enjoy your flight."

Minako watched out of the corner of her eye as her flight companion grumbled irritably as he turned off his cell phone and began to put away his computer. She almost wished she hadn't completely alienated the man.

After all, she could use the company.

* * *

_Flashback_

* * *

Minako struggled to get her suitcase closed, discovering that not even sitting on top of it would do the trick. The added weight of her cat finally managed to get the stupid thing to snap shut, but the fact that it had made Minako break out in a sweat annoyed her considerably.

"I was beginning to think that the stupid thing was actually a youma," Minako joked flopping down on her futon dramatically. "It's certainly ugly enough," she added, regarding the thick puce fabric covered in duck tape to hold it together.

Artemis snorted, flipping his tail back and forth. "Minako, lately you've been thinking everything is a master plan of some new enemy. Face it. You're going to Paris. You're not going to get out of it."

Minako smiled at her fuzzy companion, scratching him gently behind the ears. "You're too young to be ornery."

Artemis butted his head up against her palm before walking away, saying, "I've never told you how old I am. You can't make that kind of assumption."

She shrugged. "I've always been good at guessing people's ages."

"You have not."

"Let's pretend then."

Artemis chuckled as he padded over to her purple bean bag chair. He was about to leap up onto it when he saw a little cloth tail sticking out from underneath it. He gasped in surprise and yanked a little toy mouse out, turning to her with a scandalized expression. He somehow managed to speak to her with the mouse caught in his teeth, his blue eyes wide. "Minako, you almost forgot my favorite mousey."

Minako flinched. She'd put this off to the eleventh hour as usual. But she hadn't known how to break it to him. Not that she knew any better now.

"And come to think of it," Artemis said softly as he spit out his cherished toy. "I didn't see any food or catnip or anything in your suitcase. And you haven't gotten out the Pet Escort or anything. Did you think they'd just let me sleep on your lap the whole time?" He laughed, still painfully ignorant of why all of this was happening.

"About that..." Minako whispered as she forced herself to sit up. She didn't make eye contact with her guardian, confidante, mentor, partner, best friend, and surrogate father.

Artemis chided her gently, winking at her as if to mock her. "What? Were you just going to leave me here?"

Minako flinched.

That was all the answer he needed.

Artemis's face fell, his whiskers drooping so that they dragged on the ground. He stared at her in disbelief, jaw agape. Finally, after several moments of what the most painful silence Minako had ever been forced to endure, he spoke. The sound of his voice broke her heart all over again.

"You're... leaving me?"

Minako sighed, forcing herself to look at him. She could see the tears welling up in his eyes. She almost thought he was being melodramatic, but she understood. The two hadn't been apart for more than a few hours since she was thirteen. This prolonged separation that she hadn't even told him about in advance was bound to scar him deeply.

"Artemis," Minako said gently, reaching out and petting him gently. He didn't spurn her touch. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before... But I never said you were going."

He shook his head slightly. "No, you didn't. I just assumed I would. I mean... We do everything together, Mina."

She offered him a watery smile and whispered, "That's why I have to go alone, Artemis. I have to finish this mission on my own. I can't have you trying to guide me. I need to figure out where I'm going by myself. That's why I have to leave. And that's why... you can't come with me."

He nodded, although he didn't look as though he wanted things to be the way they were. She knew that Artemis wanted to be by her side through it all. That was just the way they did things. But this time, the way they did things just wasn't good enough. "I understand..." he whispered sadly.

"You know," Artemis continued, turning from her and looking out the one window that they had a decent view of the moon. "Luna warned me this might happen a few years ago. She told me that I should prepare for the day when you told me that I couldn't come with her. But I... I never thought that day would ever come. And I didn't think it would be this soon."

Minako swallowed. "Artemis..."

He turned to her, the fur under his eyes darker than it was before. "I know this is something you don't want me around for. But... is it wrong for me to want to there?"

Unable to hold back her own tide of emotion, Minako had reached for her guardian cat and held him. She didn't let go until the taxi she had called arrived to take her to the airport.

* * *

They lifted off the ground. And for the first time, it finally hit her. She was really leaving.

Minako looked out her window at the airport that was quickly growing smaller and smaller in the distance. She knew it wasn't possible, but she could almost make out the silhouettes of her friends... Usagi's crazy hairstyle. Makoto's imposing height. Rei's self assured posture. Ami's demure stance. Mamoru's strong hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. And two little cats, one running after her plane in a desperate, foolish attempt to catch up.

"Goodbye everyone," Minako whispered, waving slightly even though she knew they couldn't see her. "I'll come back to you."

She glanced at what was left of her ticket. She hadn't even put it in her purse when she boarded the plane. The flight information glaring back at her was far too ominous to ignore. She hadn't told anyone the specifics of her flight information, never allowing anyone else to glance at it. She knew that she should have told them and broken the vicious cycle... But how could she explain this to any of them? Especially Usagi who seemed so convinced that she might never see Minako again?

She couldn't have told them that her ticket was marked one way.

"Someday."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Big thanks to Sophia Prester for telling authors in her commentary for "Descansos" (awesome Setsuna centric story. Go read it now!) to check sites like Expedia for travel information. Their site was a huge help in this chapter, and they'll probably be quite useful again. ;

Also, another little tidbit, if anyone ever needs information on exchange rates and currency conversions, I suggest Their conversion is very easy and free. Side note, 209,822 yen is approximately 2,004, which is the cheapest flight I could find.

I do not own Sailor Moon, Codename wa Sailor V, Korean Air, Gimpo Airport, Charles De Gaulle Airport, Advil, or the aforementioned websites.

Coming Soon - Part Two: L'Amie - The Woman Who Loves Her


	3. Part Two: L'Amie

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Two: L'Amie - The Woman Who Loves Her  
3/9  
by Kihin Ranno

Minako woke many hours later at the Hotel Losserand feeling quite cold. She shivered, rubbing her bare arms as she looked around the hotel that was only familiar because it vaguely resembled every other hotel room she'd ever stayed in. Even if it had slightly better decor, it had the same impersonal, empty feel that they all had. She looked around at the warm colored walls, which were some sort of cross between gold, butter, and peach. She was used to badly painted landscapes in hotel rooms, but this one had poor imitations of Monet's masterpieces that were no doubt located in Paris. She looked down and examined her bedding. There was no question that it was gold. She could just barely make out the images of fleur-de-lis and flowers woven into the monochrome fabric. There was a modest dresser and a desk to her right. Otherwise, everything was made of wrought iron. To her left was the one window in her room located under a small alcove that curved at the top. All in all, it was a very nice room, one she would have never been able to afford without the thirty-nine percent discount she'd managed to obtain.

In fact, the only thing that Minako could complain about was the overzealous air conditioner currently turning her room into the arctic circle. Of course, this would have been made better by Artemis's warm, purring presence, but there was nothing that could be done about that.

After trying to curl up in a ball and contain her body heat for several minutes, Minako gave up. She was going to have to move and fix the problem whether she liked it or not. So she took a deep breath, braced herself, and flung the covers off her with a pained cry, half-running and half-skipping over to the air conditioner strategically placed on the opposite side of the room. Her hands couldn't quite grip the dials correctly nor could she stop hopping up and down to increase blood flow. "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!"

Finally, she managed to turn it off, wanting to turn on the heat, but knowing that was a rather silly thing to do that in the summer.  
Instead, she ran back to the bed, snatching off her tourist information off the desk in the corner. She leapt back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin and sticking her arms out to hold the brochures, maps, and restaurant guides Mamoru had scrounged up for her. He had never been to Europe, but his trips, both attempted and successful, to America had taught him a thing or two about preparing to go overseas.

She had already decided that she could spare enough money for at least a daily dose of breakfast. Minako had also been happy to learn that her Aunt Keiko, renowned socialite and prominent wife of a surgeon, fully supported her trip to Paris and anything else that would upset Minako's mother. She'd called Minako when she arrived in Paris and offered to forward her any money she'd need while she was over there.

Minako had always loved her Aunt Keiko very, _very_ much.

Even so, Minako would try not to sponge money off her if she could help it. If she wound up making this trip a bit more permanent than she'd intended, she'd see if she could get a waitressing job or something. She'd probably become famous for being the only nice waiter in France if the stories she'd heard were accurate.

Minako giggled at her own private joke and then turned to look at all of the papers in her hands. "Now let me see. Where does Minako want to go first?" Minako shut her eyes and selected a random slip of paper, deciding that would be her first place to visit. Her eyes flew open, bright with anticipation of what she'd see.

"The Louvre?" Minako made a face very much like the one Makoto had made when she'd sampled some cookies Usagi had once made where the future queen accidentally used salt instead of sugar. And that was only part of the problem with them.

"How did this get in here?" Minako certainly didn't remember taking anything remotely connected with the numerous museums in Paris. Of course,it didn't take her long to pinpoint the culprit. Minako narrowed her eyes suspiciously, frowning comically. "Ami must be trying to culture me. Come to think of it, she probably wouldn't let me back in the country if I didn't go."

So it was with great pain that Minako decided she would actually have to set foot inside a museum. Such was the dedication to her friends. She would no doubt spend the trip thinking of a suitable retaliation. It would probably have something to do with male strippers and a lot of sake.

Minako then decided that her first selection had just been for practice. She'd go, but it wasn't the sort of thing she wanted to do on her first day in Paris.

She tried the system once more, and this time things worked out in her favor. She smiled and nearly hopped out of bed for dramatic effect when she remembered how could it was. Instead, she completely burrowed under the covers and exclaimed, "Eiffel Tower, here I come!"

-----

That was the plan anyway. Unfortunately, Minako had forgotten one very important detail as she'd been planning her morning. Well, two important details. First, she had always been hopeless with maps. Second, if there was a chance that she was going to get lost, it was a very bad idea to do it in high heels.

"Ow..." Minako moaned, rubbing the back of her heel where her sky blue sling backs were creating a nasty blister. "This is ridiculous. How is that I can fight youma in heels, but I can't walk around Paris in them?"

Of course, the other option was to take the Metro. Ami had literally spent hours making sure Minako understood the subway system, but the fundamental problem with that option was fear. She'd been taught from an early age to avoid public transportation if she was alone. Japanese salarymen did not have a glorious reputation for keeping their hands to themselves. And since the heat and a desire to be fashionable had dictated that Minako wear a skirt, she decided that she may as well suffer the pains of walking rather than get felt up on the metro.

She'd never been wary when she'd been with Makoto. Although Makoto's curves had a tendency to invite attention, usually a hard look and her height dissuaded any unwanted advances; and if that didn't do the trick, her left hook would.

Not that Minako had been a shrinking violet. She'd once lectured an entire bus full of people for four blocks before they finally threw her out.

Minako smiled wistfully, stopping and pulling a small photobook out of her purse. She opened it to the first photo, taken at a New Year's party the year before. Minako had fought her way to the epicenter as usual, her smile brighter than any other in the room let alone the photograph. She had linked arms with Rei, who was usually so elegant and reserved in public. Now the miko laughing from Minako's infectious energy. Makoto was raising her glass of wine in a toast, an arm slung around Ami. The girl who had once been legendary for her shyness, was winking at the camera, kicking her foot up like someone out of a 1950s movie. And then there was Usagi, preparing to leap on Makoto's back for an impromptu piggy back ride. That had resulted in the five of them being tackled to the floor. No matter how silly they'd looked, none of them had particularly wanted to get up because it was peace time. They were happier in a way they hadn't been in years, exhilarated knowing that they didn't have to worry about this perfect moment being ruined by a youma or a daimon or anything else.

She wiped the water from her eyes and quickly placed the photobook back into her bag. It was probably better if she didn't reminisce. She did not need to think about how Ami would have been able to read the map, Rei would have been assertive enough to deal with snotty waiters and hotel management, Makoto would have pointed out any cute French boys Minako missed, and Usagi would have whined about her aching feet so that Minako wound up looking like the mature blonde in the group. It would have been the perfect arrangement.

And yet, Minako knew that they couldn't have come with her. They all had school, boyfriends, family, and lives that had to continue existing without her magnificently radiant presence. Granted, she knew that there would be am emotional void in their lives, but they had to keep on living. She wasn't the kind of person who was going ask them to drop everything so she could find herself, even though she knew they would have done so.

"Still sucks," Minako muttered.

Sadly, Minako's distracted mind was going to once again prove itself more than a bit troublesome. Trained as she was to notice when people were coming up behind her, she was sorely out of practice. So she was completely unaware of the seedy looking man coming up behind her. In fact, she failed to notice his presence until he'd yanked her purse off her shoulder.

Minako stared after him, briefly confused about what had just happened. The minute she put two and two together, she knew there was really only one thing she could do in this situation. Her purse had her money, her passport, and a very expensive lipstick in it. She was just going to have to take it back.

"Oh, great," Minako said loudly as she started after him. "Now I have to run after you! Did you take a look at the shoes I'm wearing?"

He didn't appear to have heard her. Or perhaps he did. That would explain why he was speeding up.

"Hey, crap-face!" Minako shouted after him. "Give me back my purse, and I won't kick you!"

As he rounded the block, Minako used the corner of a building to push herself off the wall and give her a bit more momentum. It was a trick she'd picked up from Haruka. It had always come in handy during a chase like this.

From there, Minako ran full out, trying to ignore the pain her shoes were giving her. This proved to be impossible, but she'd certainly been in more painful situations. She caught up with the purse-snatcher easily. He was only human after all. She grabbed his arm and whirled him around, clearly not pleased.

"I'll be taking that back now, if you don't mind," she informed him pleasantly in slightly accented French.

Unwilling to give up a perfectly good wallet, the greasy looking criminal actually took a swing at her. He came around too wide, giving her ample opportunity to duck under his arm. Minako bent down, using all of her body weight to propel the nasty kick aimed at his jaw. She hit him hard, knocking him to the ground. She reached over and plucked her purse out of his hands, slinging it back over her shoulder in one graceful movement. She couldn't resist the urge to grin down at him as he stared up at her in a mixture of pain and disbelief.

"Now then, you see what happens when you don't do as a lady tells you?" Minako chastised gently, wagging her finger at him. "I mean, I told you if you didn't give it back, I was going to have to kick you. You left me with no choice in this matter. Taking it was bad enough, but then you make me chase after you for two blocks. I didn't appreciate that very much."

He glared silently. For some reason, he didn't seem to find this amusing.

Minako pretended to look guilty. "I guess your jaw hurts too much to talk, huh?"

He growled at her and started to get to his feet. He spoke French as well, but it was clumsy. He was barely masking his accent, which Minako thought was German. "You are going to pay for that, you little--"

"I certainly hope you were about to say glorious ray of sunshine or vision of loveliness, Monsieur Faust," another male voice said behind her. Suddenly, there was a rather portly gentleman wearing a blue uniform standing next to her. He had a graying mustache that obscured his face and was panting heavily. She couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't been tied down to a desk already if he couldn't run a couple of blocks.

The purse-snatcher said something nasty in German, and judging by his inflection, Minako decided she was glad she couldn't understand him.

"Now, now," the officer said, striding forward pompously. "There are ladies present, Monsieur Faust." As if just remembering her presence, the officer looked over at her as he hauled Faust to his feet, pulling out handcuffs with well-practiced movements. "Are you alright, Mademoiselle?"

Minako smiled sunnily and didn't bother to mask the arrogance in her tone of voice. "I think you should maybe be asking him that."

The officer laughed in a way that Minako decided must be distinctly French, glancing down at Faust to ensure that he didn't lunge for Minako in reprisal for the comment. "Very true. That was quite an impressive kick. I don't suppose you're in law enforcement?"

Minako shrugged. "Something like that."

As the officer straightened, Minako noticed for the first time that he wasn't any normal police officer. She recognized his uniform instantly from her time in London. "You're Interpol?" she asked, her voice taking on a strange tone.

"Oui, Mademoiselle," he said cheerfully. "And you've been more helpful than you realize. We have been trying to find this man for several weeks now."

Minako quirked her eyebrow cutely, hoping to garner some more information to satisfy her curiosity. Not that it was at all satiable. "Interpol has been tailing a purse snatcher?"

He laughed again, eyes twinkling. Minako wondered if he was the one who dressed up as Santa Claus for the family Christmas celebration every year. "No, not just a purse-snatcher, Mademoiselle. This man was actually the head of an international smuggling ring until very recently. Interpol intercepted a drop and rounded up every member except of course for our dear Monsieur Faust. He has been living off petty crimes until we got tired of looking for him so that he was able to set up a whole new crime ring."

Faust seemed unable to contain himself any longer. He had been glaring at her murderously for some time, but now he began yelling at her in German, spittle flying in her general direction. She wisely took a step back.

"Well, thank you, Officer," Minako said graciously, bowing slightly before remembering that this wasn't Japan. So, keeping with custom, she kissed him on one cheek. She didn't risk the second one with Faust there,  
but hopefully it would suffice.

The officer's cheeks colored, which gave Minako a feeling of immense satisfaction. He cleared his throat slightly and added, "You should thank my associate as well. She was lunching at the café on the corner when she saw this man and followed him. She was about to take him into custody when he took your purse."

He gestured forward to the woman who had been standing near Minako. The stranger was panting as well, but Minako had just assumed she was one of those people who enjoyed watching the drama of other people's lives, existing through them vicariously by being close to danger without actually being a part of it. Minako and the other Senshi had to deal with a lot of those squatters.

Minako turned, plastering on the biggest fake smile she could muster. When she saw the woman who had just happened to be in the right place at the right time, Minako's jaw unhinged a little. Standing before the Japanese tourist was a brunette whose hair had a slight red tinge. She was taller than Minako, but that didn't mean very much given her height. The other woman was wearing a pantsuit of muted earth tones on a casual outing, something Minako had only encountered once before. She was put together, professional, and the last person Minako expected to see in Paris.

"Katarina-onee-sama?" Minako asked quietly, clutching her purse tightly.

"Oui, Minako-chan," Katarina said softly, smiling as much as she would allow herself. "It's me."

Without another thought, Minako flung herself forward, throwing her arms around Katarina's neck. Without quite knowing why, Minako felt tears dripping down her face. Katarina didn't hesitate before hugging her back, sniffling a little herself. Minako heard herself babbling in a mixture of Japanese, French, and English, but one sentence stood out from the others.

"I missed you."

-----

Several minutes later, both Minako and Katarina were seated at a table at the corner café Katarina had been lunching at. Both were clearly foreign to the country, but Katarina had the ability to at least appear completely capable and in control no matter what situation she was in. It was a quality Minako had always envied.

Minako dabbed at her still damp eyes, feeling immense gratitude to the man who had invented waterproof mascara. "Remind me never to get homesick in the middle of the sidewalk again. And I thought my feet were killing me before."

Katarina chuckled, sipping at the tea she'd been drinking before Minako joined her. "Look at it this way. In Prague, the streets are still cobblestone. You would have good reason to weep if you'd chased after a purse-snatcher there."

Minako laughed. Just then, the waiter came and Minako ordered her lunch. It wound up being a substantial amount of food, but Katarina had already insisted on paying and the prices weren't unreasonable. At least they were if Minako was converting the money in her head correctly.

Once he had gone, Minako leaned forward, interlacing her fingers and resting her chin on the top of her hands. "God, Katarina it's been ages, hasn't it?"

"Four years since the last time I saw you," Katarina marveled. "I know I sound like a doting aunt, but you've really grown up."

Minako fluffed her hair slightly and nodded in assent. "Haven't I just aged beautifully?"

"Men must weep every time you pass them on the street," Katarina agreed with a grin.

Minako's eyebrow twitched violently. "Heh. Well, that does tend to happen, but not really for the reasons you're thinking."

Katarina laughed again, but kindly let the subject drop. Minako's love life wasn't the most comfortable of subjects between the two women, all things considered. "So, Minako. What brings you to Paris? Aside from the glamour, the lights, the magic, and of course--"

"The men," they both concluded.

Minako shrugged perkily. "I don't really know. I was sort of in a rut back in Tokyo. I don't go to college with the others. Far too busy pursuing my dream of becoming a star to be stuck inside a lecture hall for hours and hours and hours. Unfortunately, my auditions... Well, none of them have been all that fruitful as of yet, and I needed a bit of a break. And thanks to a hefty amount of graduation money and a very generous aunt who loves everything my mother hates, I came to Paris."

"Not London?" Katarina asked, sounding hurt. "Last you heard we were living there. Didn't you want to visit?"

"I was thinking of taking a side trip," Minako lied, dropping eye contact in favor of looking down at her drink.

Honestly, that had been the last thing on her mind. While she would have liked to see Katarina and even Alan, she wasn't sure if she wanted to meet with them in London. There were too many bad memories there. She would have preferred to see them again in Tokyo, where she had a home advantage. But seeing Katarina in Paris worked well enough. It was neutral territory.

"I would never have forgiven you if you were in Europe and didn't pop over to London," Katarina informed her. "And I would have visited you back in Tokyo just to tell you that."

"Still hate phones that much, huh?" Minako queried, raising a knowing eyebrow.

Katarina screwed up her face unpleasantly. "Ghastly things. I don't understand why you fancy them."

"Cause I'm a perfectly normal teenage girl?" Minako said with just a hint of sarcasm. Senshi or not, there wasn't much of Aino Minako that could be considered typical.

Katarina laughed again. "Oh yes, Minako. You're the epitome of the every day. I'm falling asleep just looking at you."

"Eh, at least I'm pretty," Minako said. "My turn now. Katarina, the last letter I got at Christmas was still postmarked London. When did you get transferred over here?"

"Just a month ago actually," Katarina told her after thinking about it for a moment. "Seems much longer, I'll tell you that much. That smuggling ring was absolute murder to take down. And of course, the moment we have that one under control, another one pops up. Very frustrating."

Minako nodded sagely before puffing out her chest a bit and straightening her posture. "Well, when you don't have Sailor V around to clean up your messes--"

The older woman scoffed. "YOU clean up MY messes?"

"I'm just saying that I understand how hard it must be for you without me," Minako said, making sure that no one else was listening to them. Of course, the other diners were far too wrapped up in their own lives to pay much attention to theirs. And if the patrons did hear, Minako was already planning to feign insanity. It had worked before.

Katarina paused, considering this while looking at her now lukewarm tea. She nodded after a moment and said, "It is actually. Hard without you."

Minako blinked in surprise. "But-- Katarina, I was just kidding."

"I know," Katarina said with a bit of a sigh. "It's just... Well, you know my job doesn't leave much time for socializing. It seems rather silly that a thirteen year old was one of my few friends in London I suppose."

"Hey, I was mature for a thirteen year old," Minako insisted, knowing that it probably wasn't true.

"Of course you were," Katarina said dismissively. "But honestly, when you left... Well, not only was I grieving, but I was virtually alone. That's why I was so happy when I learned you were still alive. It didn't change much of course, what with us being on separate continents, but it was still nice to know I had a friend out there."

Minako smiled softly. "Same here."

The two women sat in silence for a moment, simply enjoying each other's company. Then, out of no where, Minako sat up again, nearly spitting out her drink. She was grinning stupidly and barely managing to suppress a laugh. "Do you remember the day that I showed up at your office in my Sailor V gear?"

Katarina didn't even pause to recollect that memory. "I have tried valiantly to forget it, but so far no luck."

Minako reached over and lightly hit Katarina on the arm. "Why forget it? It was hilarious!"

"Yes, it was very funny the way you came in through the window - I don't understand why you always feel the need to make a dramatic entrance. We had a perfectly functioning door you know," Katarina chastised.

Minako waved her hand flippantly. "I am an actress, Katarina. I cannot be expected to just walk in. It lacks flair."

"It would have saved us some property damage considering you neglected to open the window before you leapt through it," Katarina reminded her. "I swear, I've never been so scared in all my life as I was when you came careening in through that window. I just remember the glass spraying everywhere and this huge blur of gold and blue. I thought it was an attack by one of those demons."

Minako nodded. "That is one thing me and the enemy had in common. We lacked subtlety."

"You still lack subtlety," Katarina reminded her.

"Yes, but now I choose to be obnoxious," Minako stated. "Before I was completely unaware."

Katarina didn't appear convinced. "Anyway, all of a sudden, there you were, grinning at me with your feet propped up on my desk. Then you very loudly informed all of the occupants in the room that you weren't thrilled with the wanted posters that had been posted."

"Well, I wasn't!" Minako exclaimed. "I was helping you people!"

"Yes, but what you always seem to forget is that you put up the wanted posters, Minako," Katarina drawled.

Minako did her best to look entirely innocent in that manner. When that failed, she simply rolled her eyes and said, "A girl has to generate her publicity somehow."

"And so we were the scapegoats," Katarina remembered with a sigh. "The higher-ups were utterly confused. They spent weeks trying to figure out who had put the signs up. The last thing they wanted was the people's hero to be their enemy."

Minako grinned and pointed at Katarina cutely. "You never told them though."

"No, I didn't," Katarina admitted. "I just sat there every time I heard them arguing about it and tried desperately to keep a straight face.  
Failed miserably."

After a few more moments, Minako once again initiated a new conversation. She hadn't been looking forward to this, but she figured she might as well get it over with. Besides, she was curious about it, and it didn't hurt like it had before. It was just a dull pinprick now. She barely noticed it.

"So, how's Alan doing?"

Katarina's easy manner slipped away like water over the edge of a cliff. All at once she was tense, gripping her freshly refilled teacup so hard that her knuckles flushed pale. Minako even heard her jaw crack a little when she opened her mouth to answer.

"Alan is... Well, he's a bit out of sorts to be honest." Katarina looked none too pleased to be reporting this.

"Oh, no," Minako murmured, clearly concerned. "Did something happen? Is he sick?"

"No, nothing like that," Katarina reassured her before Minako's imagination ran away with her and Alan wound up lying in a coma in the cancer ward. "He's just... Well, for one thing, his French is terrible. Nonexistent really. He can't speak a bit of it. I've tried to teach him a little, but he needs to be fluent if he wants to get a job. That certainly won't happen at the rate he's going."

Minako pursed her lips slightly. "What does he do again? I always forget."

"He was a copy editor," Katarina said, stressing the past tense. "Now he sits around the house and doesn't do all that much. Well, he broods."

Minako laughed mirthlessly. "The boy always knew how to brood."

"Yes," Katarina agreed brusquely. "He does at that."

Just then, the food came, allowing the women to drop the subject that was clearly awkward territory. Minako didn't immediately try and initiate anything again, putting all of her concentration into eating her lunch. She wished she'd never brought Alan up in the first place and just given Katarina leeway to bring him up when she pleased. Minako hadn't thought Katarina would have been as uncomfortable with it as she was, but perhaps Minako had overestimated her a bit. And maybe Katarina saw the blonde as a bit of a threat now that Minako was older. Of course, that didn't sound anything like the Katarina that Minako so admired and adored, but she supposed people changed over time.

After a few more minutes, Katarina set down her fork and knife with a loud clatter. It was enough to startle Minako out of her reverie. The brunette's sharp features softened apologetically. "I'm sorry. I was rude, wasn't I?"

Minako had never quite been sure how to answer that question when it was posed to her. Thankfully, Katarina didn't give her enough time to do so.

"Alan and I... We just had a bit of a spat this morning, and I'm still out of sorts about it," Katarina admitted slowly.

Minako furrowed her brow gently. "Is everything all right?"

"Of course," Katarina assured her. "It was nothing serious. It's just rather frustrating to watch him sit on his backside all day, but I don't really know what I expect him to do. He knows his way around the city, but only because I'm there to translate."

"We have opposite problems," Minako observed. "I speak the language, but I don't know where the hell I'm going."

Katarina chuckled lightly. "You'd be the perfect pair."

Before Minako had a chance to overanalyze that statement, Katarina reached forward and grasped her hand. "I hope you'll forgive me for my attitude, Minako. It really had nothing to do with you. I know how it must have--"

"Forget it," Minako said brightly. "Harm scores no fouls."

Katarina blinked several times, going over that mangled statement in her head before finally hitting upon what Minako had actually meant to say. She laughed, seeming to relax. "I've missed that."

"You won't miss it by the time I leave." Minako pursed her lips a bit when she said that. For all she knew, she'd be staying in Paris longer than Katarina and Alan.

Katarina smiled. "We'll see." Katarina took another sip of her tea when something seemed to dawn on her. Minako was briefly worried that the woman was going to ask just when she was leaving, but thankfully, that proved not to be the case. "Oh, how stupid of me! I should have thought of this before. Why don't you come over for dinner? We all have so much more catching up to do."

Minako blinked in surprise. Come over? Of course, it would take care of one meal, always a plus for a girl on a budget. On the other hand, it would mean facing Alan after all these years.

Minako didn't love him anymore. In all honestly, she probably hadn't ever loved him. She was just a thirteen year old super hero in a strange city who latched on to the only people who really cared about her. One became a sister and the other became a future husband. He just hadn't seen it that way.

Still, Minako was unsure if she wanted to dredge up the past. Surely Alan knew why she'd left London by now. And the knowledge that Minako had loved him and faked her own death so that her infatuation didn't interfere with him and Katarina was just... mortifying. It had been a hasty decision fueled by Minako's penchant for the dramatic and a nasty head wound. It was probably her main regret in life, and one she might never completely absolve herself of. Honestly, how could she have possibly interfered with their relationship? She had seen them together and realized how very much in love they were. What could her silly crush have done to change that?

She knew she could face him after all that. She'd faced much worse in her time. She just wasn't sure if she particularly wanted to.

As if reading her mind, Katarina said, "I know Alan would just love to see you. He misses you too."

Minako's ears perked up. "Does he?"

"We both miss those old days a lot, Minako," Katarina said seriously.

Minako took another long sip of her soda, pondering this once more. She had a choice. She could either decline and head back to the streets where she would inevitably get lost and have to spend money on dinner at the first restaurant she was able to find once her feet couldn't take it anymore... Or she could go with Katarina and face Alan.

For a moment, she honestly wasn't sure which would be more painful.

Eventually, Minako grinned and gestured cutely. "Sounds like fun."

-----

The two women still took as long as they could to finish lunch. Minako knew that Katarina's offer had been made out of courtesy, and she probably wasn't looking forward to going home. She almost asked Katarina about the nature of their fight but kept deciding against it. It wasn't her business. And she could certainly tell that it hadn't been minor based on the way Katarina kept stalling.

Once they made it out of the café, Katarina and Minako walked the short distance to Katarina's car. Minako was very glad that there would be no more walking in her very frivolous shoes.

"Maybe you'd better let me or Alan take you around for awhile, Minako," Katarina offered as she buckled herself in. "With your luck, you'll wind up kidnapped."

"And I probably won't be dressed the occasion," Minako admitted with a sigh as they sped off.

The drive to Katarina's home wasn't too far, but it was long enough for Minako to wonder if perhaps she'd turned her map upside down without realizing it at some point. Eventually, she just stopped watching and engaged Katarina in some more pointless, slightly forced conversation that always took place between friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time.

After a few minutes, the pair arrived at 9 rue St Germ l'Aux. Katarina's apartment wasn't very far from Minako's hotel, or much of anything actually. She'd managed to find a studio apartment in nearly the center of the city. Thankfully, Interpol was subletting a lot of the cost.

Minako was just grateful it was on the first floor.

As the two were walking up to the house, Katarina realized she'd left her purse in the car. "Why didn't you tell me?" she teased.

Minako shrugged. "I'm a little too busy watching my own bag nowadays. I can't afford to split my attention like that."

Katarina snorted in a manner that somehow still managed to be demure. It was just a little bit infuriating. "Go ahead and knock. He'll take awhile to answer it, but there's no danger in him not being home."

Minako couldn't help but think that there was just a tiny note of bitterness in that statement. Still, Minako decided that the best way to deal with that observation was to completely forget about it. After all, making this an enjoyable evening might be a hard enough task.

Minako walked through the small courtyard and strode up to the front door. She took a deep breath and raised her fist to knock, tapping out a little tune for her own amusement. Just as Katarina had promised, it took a few minutes before she heard any movement from inside. And then it was nothing but discontented grumbles and the slow shuffling of feet.

A few moments later, the door opened. Minako actually gasped when she saw the figure standing before her. This man towered over her just as Alan had, he had his same dark hair, and he had the same hands with fingers a bit longer than they should have been.

All that being said, this man simply couldn't be Alan. He looked as if he hadn't shaved in weeks. There was a dark, scraggly beard hanging off his chin. His hair wanted cutting, reaching near his shoulders. Though Alan had always been relatively svelte, this man looked as if he could stand to gain a few pounds. But most disturbing of all were his eyes. He wasn't quite looking at her, but her height gave her an advantage in that regard. She'd seen Alan brood, she'd seen him angry, and she'd seen him as she always remembered him - happy and vaguely amused by her over the top antics. But she'd never seen his blue eyes faded grey. It unsettled her.  
It made her think it was a dead man who had answered the door. Perhaps it was.

"Oh, my-- Alan?"

She never would have known him if he hadn't looked up.

* * *

Coming Soon: Part Three: L'Amant - The Man She Loved


	4. Part Three: L'Amant

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Three: L'Amant - The Man She Loved  
4/10  
by Kihin Ranno

Alan didn't appear to recognize her immediately. Actually, it was probably more appropriate to say that he couldn't see her immediately. Minako felt that the look on his face when he finally looked at the person at the door was like someone straining to look through thick fog. It seemed he was struggling to shake himself awake, and this was so unsettling that she nearly did it for him.

A second later, he blinked and it all became clear. His eyes seemed their normal shade, widening in surprise. He reached forward, his hand shaking slightly. Alan stared at her in utter disbelief as he laid a hand on her cheek. "Mi... Mina?" He had never called her by her full name.

At first, she was thrown by his gesture. Then she remembered that the last time Alan had seen her had been just before she and Katarina had left for the docks the day she faked her death. Even though she knew Alan had been told that she was alive, it was one thing to hear and another thing to see.

"It's me," Minako whispered.

Alan stared at her for another moment longer before enveloping her in the second warm embrace of the day. He sounded like he was half-laughing and half-crying, trying to decide which would reign supreme.

Minako hugged him back without hesitation. After all, friends hugged. There was absolutely nothing wrong with two friends hugging each other after a five year separation. Particularly when one of them was in a rather deadly line of work.

There was, however, something wrong with Minako inhaling his familiar scent and allowing the thirteen year old in her go a little weak at the knees. It was then that she broke away, chastising her inner child.

Alan wouldn't stop staring at her, not that Minako could blame him for a variety of reasons. "God, I... I can't believe you're here."

"Sometimes I can't believe I'm here either," Minako joked, playing with the strap of her shoulder bag a bit more than necessary. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, right!" Alan said, embarrassed that he hadn't offered in the first place. He was only slightly more mortified by the state of the apartment. "Sorry about the mess. Katarina doesn't have much time to clean and... Well, you remember my old room."

Minako feigned a shudder as she stepped inside. "Don't remind me. Artemis got lost in there once for three days."

Alan noticed Katarina coming up the walkway and his demeanor seemed to change immediately. He tensed up just as Katarina had in the restaurant, erasing any doubt over the severity of the argument. He quickly excused himself, going out to meet Katarina and shutting the door behind him.

This left Minako alone to explore her surroundings a bit. The apartment had a very small, unremarkable foyer, with the same gorgeous hard wood floor and plain white walls that ran through the rest of the apartment. There was a set of double doors just to her left which were already slightly ajar, so Minako saw no harm in peering inside.

She had found the kitchen, and it was then that she realized that Alan had not been exaggerating about the state of the apartment. Minako was no immaculate housekeeper herself, but even she had not allowed her kitchen to look this bad. The sink was overflowing with dishes waiting to be washed. She didn't want to think about how long they'd been left there. The tiled walls, microwave, and stove tops also looked as if they could all use a good scrubbing. The limited counter space was filled with things that could have very well fit in the cupboards. Minako was certain of this because most of those doors had been left open, allowing her a full view of the space inside them. Of course, things were piled so haphazardly in them that it would have been impossible at the moment, but some organization would have made it possible. There was a sizeable pile of clothes by the window. At first, Minako wasn't sure what they were doing there, but upon closer inspection saw a very small ironing board. The mid-size refrigerator was covered with wanted posters and newspaper clippings about local criminal activity. Minako also saw that there were a few pictures of Alan and Katarina on there, but they were mostly obscured by the other papers.

Minako decided to venture into what was hopefully safer territory before she felt the urge to actually straighten some of this up. She walked out into the living room and discovered that she might have been safer in the kitchen.

The room itself was gorgeous. It had light wicker furniture, an entertainment center made of the same wood as the flooring, a fantastic beveled ceiling, appealing pictures, and an elegant faux marble table to her immediate right. It must have looked very nice before Katarina and Alan lived there.

She supposed the apparent lack of food made the living room a better option than the kitchen, but Minako couldn't help but feel that the larger room had created a need for the couple to make a larger mess. The desk built into the corner was covered in books and papers and what appeared to be a man's gym sock. She also saw a number of empty tea cups that hadn't been put away, but that seemed to be an on-going theme throughout the room. There were still more papers piled on to the table as well as some half folded laundry. It also appeared that Alan and Katarina had purchased a cheap couch during their short time there. It was powder blue and looked entirely out of place with the rest of the apartment. It was covered in blankets and pillows. There had been a stack of magazines sitting next to it, but it seemed that someone had knocked those over. Minako noticed that they were all in English. Minako also noticed that several of them were the sort of magazines Minako's mother was deathly terrified of her daughter one day appearing in. To spare the three of them from any more embarrassment than was necessary, Minako pushed the magazines around with her toe until the offending ones were covered.

Minako was suddenly very glad Makoto was not with her. The girl would have surely dropped dead at the sight of all this, and not even the power of the Ginzuishou would have given her the ability to recover.

"Would you just listen to me for one minute!"

Minako jumped slightly, spinning around to see Alan and Katarina standing in the courtyard. They were arguing in English, no doubt to mask whatever it was they were saying from the neighbors. Of course, Minako could understand them quite clearly.

"Alan, I already told you. I am not going to apologize for what happened this morning," Katarina snapped. "You're the one who created the situation in the first place. There's no reason to be upset with me just because of your regrets."

"I did not create the situation, Katarina," Alan ground out, clenching and unclenching his fists. Minako could tell that meant that he very much wanted to yell, but he wouldn't let himself. "You are the one who--"

"Do we have to have this argument now?" Katarina asked wearily. "Minako's inside, and I don't want her to be dragged into--"

"I am trying to talk to you about this because I don't _want_ Mina to be dragged into this," Alan interrupted. "I don't see why we can't just clear the air and make this a pleasant evening."

Katarina regarded him for a moment and then shut her eyes, walking past him to the door. "If that means apologizing for something that isn't my fault, then I'd rather have an awkward evening."

Katarina walked out of view from the window. Alan shortly followed after her, but the fight was hardly over. In fact, it was escalating. Minako decided to slip into the bathroom, which would hopefully muffle the noise enough so that she could pretend she hadn't heard any of what had just transpired.

She slipped in through the door at the back of the living room, locking the door behind her. Minako exhaled deeply, slumping against the door. She had pictured Katarina and Alan's life a lot after she'd received the letter that they were getting married, when she'd been fifteen. Of course, she'd been up to her ears with the Deathbusters and the impending Silence at the time, so she couldn't attend the sudden wedding, but that didn't stop her from thinking about how things went with them. It usually involved Alan's spontaneous but simple romantic gestures that Katarina had loved, like pulling her away from her papers for an impromptu tango. Or Katarina slipping away from the office early to meet Alan at their favorite restaurant for their anniversary, where she would turn off her hated cell phone for a few hours in order to be with her husband. It certainly didn't involve them having rows in the courtyard outside their flat.

Of course, this was nothing compared to her parents' relationship. Minako thought of all those mornings when Kaida would be shrieking at her father, Hisoka, her face turning colors and her hair standing on end. And her father would just sit there without registering her presence and continue to peruse the business page. The fact that Katarina and Alan were still talking reassured Minako that this was just another one of those ill-timed lovers' spats. It would no doubt be resolved within the few minutes Minako had given them by locking herself in the bathroom.

Minako finally looked around and saw that they had managed to mess up this tiny room as well. There was a clothes line strung up in the shower, where Katarina's panty hose, as well as a few items that couldn't be placed in the dryer, were hanging. Damp towels were slung over the side of the tub, sink, and every other surface except, of course, for the towel bar. They'd even left the door to the medicine cabinet open.

She considered this another invitation to snoop. She leaned forward, glancing over its contents. Alan did own a razor, but it obviously had not been touched in awhile. There was also some nail polish remover, face wash, aftershave, and a few prescriptions lumped together on the bottom shelf. They seemed to be the same bottles everyone had in their home. Some cold medication they'd never used up, Katarina's prescription for her migraines, and painkillers kept around for emergencies. There was only one that she didn't recognize. It was something called Nestabs FA. It looked as if it had barely been touched.

Minako was about to see if a closer look would reveal its purpose when there was a knock at the door. Judging by its gentle authority, it was Katarina. "Minako? Are you in there?"

Without missing a beat, Minako threw the door open, a wide smile on her face. "No, Minako decided to go ahead and fly back to Tokyo after being left alone for so long. I am merely a holographic projection to help you deal with the loss."

"Very funny," Katarina chuckled, smiling back at her. Minako noticed the subtle strain around her eyes where some crow's feet were developing very prematurely.

"No need to tell me what I already know," Minako teased, all but bouncing back into the living room. She glanced around at every seat in the room and finding that none of them were currently available to be sat upon. But Alan was already hard at work getting the room to look liveable. "It really is a nice apartment," she complimented, setting her purse down on an end table. "You guys were lucky to get it."

Alan looked up, seemingly startled again by her voice. Minako smiled and nodded knowingly. "Yeah, Katarina kept doing that when she found me in Tokyo."

He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry, I just... I mean, I knew you weren't... But seeing you..." he trailed off.

"Glad to know you haven't lost that ability to articulate your feelings," Minako quipped. "I told you it would come in handy."

Alan rolled his eyes and threw a sweater at her head, which she caught and folded dutifully. She walked it over to the pile of laundry on the table, acutely aware that he was watching her the whole time. Of course, Katarina had also done that when she first met her after her "death." She also couldn't stop touching her, reassuring herself that Minako was real and not some horrible illusion.

Alan seemed to become aware of it when she turned back around. He shook the cobwebs from his head and went about his business. At the same moment, Katarina walked into the room.

"I really am sorry about how this place looks," Katarina apologized. "I'm not usually so messy, but things have been so busy lately--"

Minako scoffed, waving her hand at Katarina flippantly. "Please. This is nothing compared to my apartment," she lied, glad to see that Katarina seemed relieved by that bit of information. "Artemis keeps telling me that we have a roommate hidden under the filth."

Both Katarina and Alan gave her a strange look at the mention of Artemis saying much of anything. Katarina was the first to remember that he was hardly an ordinary feline. "Talking cats," she marveled. "I never thought I'd see the day... And that is putting it mildly, I'll tell you that." She glanced over at Alan and then looked away, clearing her throat. "Well, I'm going to start on dinner. Nothing special tonight, Minako. Just whatever I can throw together."

"Then do you really need to start now?" Alan asked.

Katarina came to an abrupt halt at the sound of his voice, but responded pleasantly enough. "First, I have to find the kitchen and wash everything. Then, perhaps, I can actually start the cooking."

Alan laughed uncomfortably, watching as Katarina exited the room. He relaxed a bit after she'd gone. Actually, Minako thought it was more like he relaxed a lot.

"So," Alan said, continuing with his and Minako's possibly useless attempt to straighten up the room. "How is that going?"

Minako blinked, unsure of what he was talking about. "How's what going?"

"You know," Alan continued, waving his hands about. "Saving the world and all that."

"Well, you're still here," Minako informed him, just in case he didn't know it. "So, I'd say we're succeeding."

Alan shook his head at her, throwing some other piece of clothing in her direction after checking to make sure that it wasn't offensive in any way. "You know very well what I'm getting at. Give me some details! You're always so vague in your letters, and even more so when you're on the phone."

"I have an overdeveloped sense of paranoia," Minako admitted genially. "Standard in my business."

"I'll say," Katarina called out from the kitchen. "If you're going to give details, you need to speak up. I want to hear all of this."

Minako laughed. "Katarina, I never thought of you as a busybody!"

"There is a difference between snooping and a healthy interest in another person's life," Katarina countered, and Minako decided to file that away in her brain for later, in case either of them caught her looking around (because really, it was bound to happen again). "I promise I won't tell my superiors..."

"No sense worrying them over what's already been handled," Minako said, tossing a folded shirt over to Alan and receiving another one in return. "Well, let me see... Would you like to hear about the Dark Kingdom; the aliens; the time travelling; the almost apocalypse; the other Sailor Soldiers… or the circus?"

Katarina immediately came out of the kitchen, a smile on her face and a dish rag in her hands. She set it down and began to help straightening up the living room, taking a place right next to Minako. "You know, we can always order out."

Minako giggled at her, but Alan was too busy gaping to notice. It was a few moments before he managed to force out, "The circus? There was an evil circus?"

Minako looked over at Katarina and pouted. "I was so sure I made the other things sound more interesting."

"You did," Katarina soothed. "But you forget that Alan is afraid of clowns."

Minako looked over at him and pointed, laughter bursting out of her mouth even as Alan looked rather insulted. "I am not **afraid **of clowns. I merely find them to be creepy and disturbing."

"Even so, be sure to speak of that one in extra detail," Katarina insisted, looking over at Alan in a way that was probably just teasing him. "I want to smell the grease paint."

Minako shook her head, saying, "All right, we'll get to the evil clowns. But I really need to start in order." She glanced upward, trying to think of how best to begin the story. "Let me think... Oh, Luna is so much better at this than I am." Minako took a deep breath and said, "It all started a thousand years ago--"

Katarina nodded. "Ordering out was definitely a good idea."

"Oh, hush," Minako said, hitting her with a nearby pillow.

-----

As it turned out, telling Katarina and Alan about everything that had happened to her over the past five years or so took Minako a lot longer than she would have anticipated. It was now approaching midnight and Minako was only just now getting to the end of the story of the Silence. Of course, it probably would not have taken her so long if she hadn't had to keep stopping to mull over the details. For one thing, she had to constantly consider if Alan and Katarina had to be told the entire truth about everything that had happened. For example, she had seen no reason to tell them that she had actually been killed in the final battle with Beryl, but because she'd excluded that detail, she'd had to come up with an alternate story (in this case being that all four of the Guardian Senshi had been kidnapped and then executed a daring escape, led by her of course) that had to sound plausible. Unfortunately, sometimes that took awhile.

Luckily, Alan had suggested breaking out the wine about halfway through the Silver Millennium discussion, so at least Minako had something to blame her pauses and tangents on.

In addition to that, Minako was also prone to adding certain embellishments to most of the stories. She saw no reason not to make herself appear a little bit better than she had actually been, crediting herself with a few more saves than her associates would have found prudent. She never would have dared to go on like she was if Alan and Katarina were residents of Tokyo, but there was little to no chance of the two of them ever actually meeting the other Senshi. If they did, she'd just have to make sure they didn't talk about this subject.

"So then, Uranus launches another one of her World Shaking things at poor, defenseless, possessed Hotaru," Minako lamented sadly. "Naturally, I had no choice but to make a daring leap and push her out of the way, putting myself at great personal risk might I add. Because her World Shaking things hurt like a bitch and a half, let me tell you."

Katarina laughed a little too loudly at Minako's joke, but it was Alan who reached over and plucked the wine glass from Minako's hand. "All right. No more for you."

Minako pouted again, saying, "Alan, I've only had three, and I ate a lot, besides."

"Yes, dear," Alan said patronizingly, poking her on the nose. "But you see, you've told us that part of the story four times now."

Minako blinked, attempting to remember. "I have?"

"Admittedly, you keep getting distracted by shiny things," Alan joked, earning him a punch on the arm that Minako was a little too tipsy to restrain. He flinched in a way that made Minako's arm hurt in sympathy.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Minako said a little frantically. "I forgot to--"

"Well, I know the world's safe in your hands," Alan ground out through clenched teeth. "As for my body parts..."

Katarina found herself laughing again, and in the course of doing so, happened to look over at a clock. She gasped and said, "Oh, Minako, I'm so sorry! I had no idea it was so late!"

Minako gave her a strange look. "My God, you've gotten old. I hate to remind you, Katarina, but this is early for me."

Alan shook his head tragically. "It's true. Youth really is wasted on the young."

"Watch it, or I'll kick you," Minako threatened with a giggle. It was enough to make Alan skitter away, taking the empty glasses into the kitchen. Though where he could possibly fit them, Minako had no idea.

"Oh sod it, I have work tomorrow," Katarina fretted. "I have to be up in six hours, and I am going to have an awful hangover, I just know it."

Minako nodded, taking the less than subtle hint. "Well, I should head back to my hotel then." Minako paused, her arms poised to help pull herself to her feet. She blinked, frowning, and added, "Although, it occurs to me that I haven't the faintest idea about how to get back to my hotel."

"You could stay here," Katarina offered, though Minako could tell from her tone that she would rather come up with an alternative solution.

Minako also noticed that right after Katarina said that, a very loud crash came from the kitchen.

"Alan, are you all right?" she called, getting to her feet to make sure that he hadn't hurt himself.

"Is anything broken?" Katarina added.

"Yes and no," Alan responded. "But why don't I just drive her back? I'm well enough to drive."

"Ah yes," Minako said, remembering. "I remember hearing about your obnoxious tolerance for liquor."

Alan shrugged casually. "University was fun. Where are you staying, Mina?"

Minako had to think about it for a moment to remember. "Hotel Losserand."

"Do you know where that is?" Katarina asked as Alan emerged from the kitchen.

He nodded in response, reaching over to grab the keys off a low table. "I think so. It's about a thirty minute drive each way."

"Oh, that means you won't get home until one," Minako observed apologetically.

Alan shrugged, putting his finger through the key ring and twirling them about for a minute. "It's no bother. I have nowhere to be in the morning."

"You most certainly don't," Katarina muttered, perhaps a bit louder than she meant to. Alan and Minako exchanged a somewhat awkward glance afterwards, and Alan abruptly stopped his movements in time for Katarina to continue. "Well, I'd better head off to bed," she said, this time at a normal volume. She quickly moved over and wrapped Minako in a tight hug, kissing her on both cheeks as was French custom. "You be good. Don't go crashing through any windows or jumping off buildings or any of that rubbish."

Minako turned back to Alan and said, "Well, there goes all of my suggestions for the rest of the evening."

"You mean the morning," Alan reminded her. He looked back up at his wife who was already heading back to their room. She hadn't even bothered to bid him goodbye. "I'll be back a little after one then."

"All right," Katarina called, shutting the bedroom door behind her.

Alan stared after her for a moment, somewhat wistfully, but with his jaw clenched in a way that made Minako wonder about just how bad that morning spat had been. She almost asked, but quickly decided against it. Alan would no doubt get touchy about the subject, and that was the last thing Minako wanted.

After a moment, Minako sighed loudly to attract his attention, bending down and gathering her things. She smiled as she stood up again, and said, "Well, we'd better get going if you want to make it back in time for your curfew."

Alan looked at her for a moment before chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck. He turned to go, beckoning for her to follow. "I very much doubt Katarina will be awake enough to notice, but I might as well, right?"

Minako nodded in as perky a manner as she could muster and followed after Alan, the usual spring in her step a little more pronounced to fill the somewhat awkward mood.

The pair walked out to the car quickly, Minako wincing quietly as her shoes were still being terribly disagreeable. Her expression didn't change until Alan moved in front of her, holding open the door. Then she raised an eyebrow and said, "I thought you were only chivalrous to women you wanted to date." Minako thought back to how Alan had opened doors open for Katarina to the point where it stopped being cute and started being annoying. She also thought back to how he had never done it for her.

Alan shrugged and said, "It's become something of a habit now."

"Well, I certainly feel special," Minako drawled, earning her a light smack on the back of the head. Once she was inside, she held out her hands to stop him from closing it. "Just so you know, you hit like a girl."

"Then what do you hit like?" Alan asked, leaning against the top of the car.

"A superhero of course," Minako said, a little insulted that he hadn't come up with that on his own.

Alan snorted and shut the door on her, eliciting a little squeak as she hadn't been expecting it. He circled around and climbed into the driver's seat, wincing a bit as his legs were crammed up a bit too close to his body. "Oh, wonderful. An hour of this."

Minako looked at him inquisitively. "Why don't you just adjust it?" she asked as he turned the key in the ignition.

"Because," Alan began, waiting until the engine had turned over to continue his sentence. "We'd be sitting out here for twenty minutes waiting for me to get it right, and then Katarina would have to right it in the morning. She drives it more than I do." He exhaled and craned his neck over his shoulder, making sure that nothing was in the way.

Minako gazed at him for a moment, her mouth thinning into a small line. "That's nice of you."

"I suppose you could see it that way," Alan said cryptically as they pulled away from the flat and onto the Parisian streets.

They sat in silence for a minute or to, giving Minako an opportunity to look at Paris at night. She sighed dreamily, leaning her head against the window. "It's beautiful," she said softly. "Don't you think?"

Alan glanced around, not looking particularly moved. Then he looked down at Minako and smiled, more impressed by her reaction than Paris itself. "It's not nearly foggy enough for me."

Minako rolled her eyes, waving her hand dismissively. "Of course, you prefer London. How silly of me to think otherwise?"

"Oh, come on," Alan chastised. "We are infinitely superior. We have Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the Tower, better accents--"

Minako laughed, leaning back against her seat. "Better accents?"

Alan nodded, very sure of this fact. "I have heard plenty of single American girls go on and on about a British accent. But no one goes weak at the knees due to the French accent. And that is because it is ugly."

Minako giggled, shaking her head a bit. "You never struck me as particularly patriotic."

"You just like Paris because it's shiny," Alan accused, grinning when took another swipe at him. "Oh, stop denying it! That must be why you came here."

"I came to get the hell out of Tokyo," Minako said, remembering that Alan hadn't been told of what she was doing in France to begin with. "Normally, Japanese students are all expected to take English, but because I'd spent time in England, I was offered a rare opportunity to take French instead."

Alan raised both of his eyebrows, impressed. "So you're special."

Minako nodded. "Well, I decided I might as well give the language a test run. I'm not quite fluent, but I'm good enough to get by." It was then that she remembered what Katarina had said earlier, and sat up a little bit. "Hey, did you say you're not doing anything tomorrow? Or just the morning?"

"I'm free all day, every day," Alan said with a sigh. "Didn't Katarina mention?"

Minako decided that it was best to bypass that subject for the time being. "Well, she did mention that you know your way around the city. Is that right?"

Alan nodded, saying, " I did wander around Paris while Katarina was at work, at least, at first. I thought I was so romantic and old-fashioned. Then I realized I was just pathetic and boring, so I stopped. So now I sit around at home all day, which may be pathetic and boring, but at least I don't have witnesses."

Minako laughed again, though she could sense some amount of frustration lying underneath the joke. Rather than dwell on it, she continued on with her thought. "I was just thinking, if you wouldn't mind and if you didn't have anything better to do, maybe you could take me around the city tomorrow? You see, I'm... somewhat hopeless with directions, and--"

It was Alan's turn to laugh, letting out a quick bark that made her jump a little in surprise. "The superhero can't read a map. Oh, that's wonderful."

Minako stuck her tongue out at him. "Don't make fun of me. At least I can finally tell my right from my left without doing the L-thing." In case he had forgotten about that idiosyncrasy, she held out both hands in front of her, making her thumb and index finger stretch out to form the letter 'L.' "See, left is the one that actually looks right."

"Left is the one that looks right?" Alan repeated, grinning at her in the dark.

It took Minako a moment to figure out what he was driving at. Once she did, it sent her to scowling again. "Oh, shut up, you."

Alan chuckled, shaking his head at her. "Anyway, how did this conversation start? Something about you asking me to show you around?"

Minako folded her arms across her chest, grumbling quietly. "Well, if you didn't want to do it, you could have just said so."

"Don't sulk," Alan said, chastising her lightly. "Of course I'll show you around."

Minako perked up immediately, almost bouncing up and down in her seat. "Really? You will?"

"Yes," Alan reiterated, sounding a bit surprised that he might have said otherwise. "I will show you around and make sure you don't take a wrong turn and end up in Belgium."

"That would be a feat," Minako observed.

Alan nodded in agreement. "And yet, I would not be surprised if you somehow managed it."

Minako shook her head, considering the possibility of hitting him again, but then deciding against it. Instead, she settled back into her seat, a smile firmly planted on her face. She turned her head back towards the window, watching the lights and the people move past her at an amiable pace.

They fell back into silence for a few minutes, completely comfortable with each other. Normally, silence had a tendency to make Minako jumpy. It gave her the opportunity to think, something that genuinely wasn't one of her favorite pastimes. She had a tendency to think about unpleasant things and unwanted memories. It forced her to examine parts of her life that she would have otherwise preferred to leave alone.

But with Alan, things were different. She wasn't sure if it had more to do with him or the alcohol, but for once, Minako didn't find herself panicking about things she had no control over or remembering the past and making herself ill with memories. She found that the silence was full and relaxed. She felt no reason to break it immediately, and that was something she hadn't felt in a long while.

It was quite some time before Minako sighed in contentment and said, "Do you know how long it's been since I haven't said anything to someone for that long?"

Alan smiled softly. "I remember that you always hated silences. Sometimes you'd make it so we repeated conversations so you wouldn't have to endure it."

"It was better with you than most people," Minako insisted. "Then again, you had a tendency to get into those moods where there was no talking to you, yet you insisted on company. I seem to recall that I was one of your favorite witnesses to your brooding."

"Sometimes I'd have to threaten physical violence just to get you to shut it," Alan recalled. "I'm surprised you let me get away with it."

"I had to restrain myself from thoroughly kicking your butt on numerous occasions," Minako assured him. "But I'm being serious. I haven't felt this... content in a long time."

Alan glanced at her quickly, his brow furrowing a bit. "Is that why you left Tokyo? You weren't happy?"

"I wasn't unhappy," Minako clarified. "But I... I don't know. I have issues with my friends, with my career, with my mother--"

"As I recall, you always had issues with your mother," Alan reminded her.

Minako nodded in assent. "True. But my point is that I haven't been able to relax around the girls - the ones I fought alongside for years. The ones I would give my life for. I've been tense and secretive and... a lot of other things. It's a relief not having to do that here."

"You'd give your life for them?" Alan asked her, his voice suddenly quiet. "Really?"

Minako nodded without hesitation. After all, she'd done it before, but he didn't need to know that. "In a heartbeat."

Alan pondered this for a moment, the corners of his mouth drooping a bit. A few long moments passed before he responded, his voice so close to a whisper that Minako almost didn't catch what he said. "It must be nice."

Minako stared at him, blinking a few times in succession. Something was clearly bothering him, and she was quite certain she knew exactly what it was about. She opened her mouth to ask him, when Alan suddenly came to a stop, throwing Minako forward a bit.

"Sorry," he said, still a little distracted. "I forget how sensitive the brakes are. We're here."

Minako glanced out the window and saw that he was right. They'd made it back to her hotel, though glancing down at the clock, they were a few minutes ahead of schedule. She could have kept him and troubled him into talking about whatever was wrong, but she decided against it. After all, she was going to be in Paris for some time. There was plenty of time for that, and it was best if he went home to his wife rather than stay out any later with her.

She turned to face Alan, smiling as if she didn't think anything was the matter. "Thanks!" she chirped, gathering up her purse.

"Not a problem," Alan assured her.

"So, you'll be here tomorrow morning for the grand tour?" Minako asked, slinging her purse strap over her shoulder.

"Yes," Alan promised reaching over for what Minako assumed was going to be another hug. She was surprised when he planted a kiss on each cheek and found herself blushing a bit when he pulled back. After a moment, he grinned and said, "I will say one thing for the French. They have an excellent greeting system."

Minako laughed, trying to keep it steady so as not to betray anything. She nodded a bit and said, "Well, the Japanese have you all beat."

"Do they?" Alan asked, quirking an eyebrow as Minako climbed out of the car.

Minako nodded, quite assured of her position, and bowed to him after she had shut the car door. She looked up to see him return it respectfully, a smile on his face. She did her best to return it, trying very hard to ignore the unpleasant feeling in her stomach. "See? I win."

"If you say so," Alan said, giving her one last wave before pulling away from the curb. "I'll see you in the morning."

Minako watched him go, her fingers wrapped tightly around her purse strap. She stood there for a few minutes, trying to force her heart to stop beating and her head to stop thinking about how he'd just kissed her for the first time. She was failing rather miserably on both fronts.

"Stop it," Minako ordered herself, wondering how obvious it had been when she blushed or if he'd just assumed it had to do with the wine. "You're being utterly stupid. He was just teasing you, just like he always does. Get it out of your head."

Minako continued to tell herself that all the way back to her room, but it didn't change the fact that her inner thirteen year old could barely contain herself. It stayed on her mind from the time she walked into the hotel to the time she climbed in to bed. Even as she started to fall asleep, it stayed on her mind and made her blood warm her body in the chilly room.

After all, a first kiss was a very important thing.

Coming Soon: Part Four: La Tentation


	5. Part Four: La Tentation

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Four: La Tentation - The Memories She Cannot Ignore  
5/10  
by Kihin Ranno

As Minako should have guessed, she did not have the easiest time getting to sleep that night. She had the rather unnatural problem of being unable to turn her brain off. She kept either thinking back on that night with Katarina and Alan or projecting on to how the next day would be with Alan. She imagined the places they would go and the people they might meet. She imagined catching up on old times and learning how his family was doing. And then they would track down Katarina and the three of them would get together for dinner, and Alan would not be so stingy with the wine.

Every once in awhile, she thought of the painfully blatant tension between her friends, but that wasn't something she cared to dwell on, for obvious reasons. She'd left so that they could be happy, after all. She might have known that she'd been foolish in doing so, but she still didn't want to think her efforts had been in vain.

Besides, it was likely just a common lovers' spat. The fight would likely be resolved quickly, no doubt hurried along by Minako's radiantly healing presence. That way, the three of them could get together without any of the awkward silences from last night.

Nevertheless, with all of this on her mind, Minako found that sleep was evading her. She finally managed to settle down around dawn, but she woke up five hours later, jumping a bit as if she had been startled by something. She could pinpoint no noise and remember no dream that could have caused this. She had nothing to blame her wakefulness on but jet lag, a fact that she found incredibly irritating.

Minako heaved a great sigh as she threw the covers off her bed, squealing again when her bare legs were exposed to the chilled air. She all but flew back over to the air conditioner, smacking it once she'd turned it off again. She made a mental note to complain about it (and to remember to turn it off when she came home that night).

She was now undoubtedly destined to be awake for the rest of the day, so it was with a heavy heart that she turned on her smooth heel and walked into the adjoining bathroom. Her path was a bit wobbly from the hour and from the mild hangover, but she made it into the small room without running into any doorframes, and she decided to consider that an accomplishment. She quickly turned the tap, not paying any particular attention to the temperature, and stripped. She drew the curtain back and stepped inside.

Minako let out a loud yelp and threw herself to the back of the shower the minute the water hit her skin. Naturally, she'd turned the knob too far and had nearly scalded her flesh off as a result. She carefully reached around the jet stream (the shower had a surprising amount of water pressure for a hotel) and turned the dial backwards. Just to make her life difficult, the slightest touch turned the water from scalding to freezing.

"At least in my apartment, I knew I was going to get a cold shower, like it or not," Minako muttered, continuing to fiddle with the temperature until she was satisfied. After all, she wasn't in her apartment now, and she had no intentions of suffering through a sub par shower.

It took Minako what seemed like an eternity to get the water situation rectified. In fact, it was probably only about five minutes if that, but everything seemed to take longer in the mornings. She had just managed to thoroughly wet her hair (no easy task given its length and volume), when she heard a knock at the door to her hotel room. The fact that she heard it at all was a testament to just how loud the person was knocking.

Minako sighed, considering the idea of ignoring it, when the person knocked again. This time, she could have sworn it was even louder and perhaps a little panicked. The urgency was enough to make her anxious, and she began to wonder if perhaps the hotel were on fire or if there was a gas leak or some other horrible disaster that could possibly result in her death that naturally **had** to come about while she was in the shower. Minako made a noise that couldn't quite decide if it was a groan or a whimper as she popped out of her shower. She grabbed one of the hotel towels, finding it just about two inches too short for comfort, just like every other hotel towel. She rolled her eyes and ran out to see who was at the door.

The person was knocking again, this time hard enough to make her worry about whether the hinges could stand up to it. She sighed and undid the various latches, shouting, "I'm coming! I'm coming! Keep your shirt on!" She paused before opened the door, glancing down at her own lack of attire. She laughed wryly, turning the knob and flinging the door open. "What is it?"

She was just as surprised to see Alan as he was to see her.

"Oh, my God!" Minako shouted instinctively, trying to somehow make the towel stretch to cover those two inches of her thighs she'd been fretting over. Of course, when she did that, it almost resulted in her breasts popping out, so she quickly abandoned that venture and merely held the terrycloth in place.

Alan stared at her for a few moments before remembered that he was a English gentlemen. He then occupied himself by staring at a variety of things that were not blonde and practically naked. "Good morning, Minako. You're looking... wet."

"I'm so very, very sorry," Minako apologized, a little ridiculously. She could see steam rising off of the water droplets on her shoulders, and she couldn't help but wonder if perhaps her entire body was blushing from embarrassment. She would not have been surprised.

Alan shook his head, admiring the carpet. "No. No need. It's not your fault. Exactly."

"It's just you were knocking so loud, I thought maybe... I don't know, that the building was collapsing or something," Minako confessed, feeling quite foolish. "I thought it was going to be that German maid."

"Thought you'd give her a thrill?" Alan quipped.

Minako shrugged. "I very much doubt she'd mind." Realizing that Alan's humor was prolonging her humiliation, she sighed and said, "God, I am an idiot, and you are not making me feel better about it."

"Well, that wasn't my intent," Alan admitted. "Though you really can't blame yourself. I mean, this sort of thing just happens to you. I'm not entirely sure that you could avoid it if you tried."

"I should at _least_ try. So, someday, I will learn to check the peephole before I open the door," Minako vowed, hoping that Ami's assurances that one could not die from embarrassment were, in fact, true.

"And miss this fun?" Alan joked. "Why ever would you do such a thing?"

Minako glared at him, though it was really rather pointless. He couldn't see her after all. "It might be fun for you, but I, for one, am mortified."

"I didn't see anything," Alan assured her. After a moment, he chuckled a bit and added, "Though not for lack of trying, I must admit."

In that moment, Minako realized that Ami had been very far off the mark. "I'm going to die," Minako declared. "I am going to die soaking wet in a towel in front of my best friend's husband, and when my soul realizes what happened, it is going to die, and my entire existence will be negated. Surely that is what's happening."

Alan continued to try and suppress the fact that he found the entire situation incredibly amusing. "Oh, come on. You have to find this at least marginally funny."

"No," Minako insisted. "No, I don't." She narrowed her eyes, tempted to reach out and poke him, but also afraid to move either one of her hands. She wasn't sure how secure the towel was after all. "What were you doing knocking so loud, anyway? I thought you were aiming to break it down!"

Alan shrugged sheepishly, still looking in every direction but hers. "I thought you might be asleep."

Minako blinked, trying to process the complete nonsense Alan was telling her. "So... You came over to wake me up? A deed that could have meant the loss of a limb had I been sleeping and dreaming of spending a wild night with Gackt?"

It was Alan's turn to be dumbfounded. He was so surprised that he actually looked at her, and then promptly began studying the hotel ceiling. "Who?"

Minako shook her head. "You British know nothing of good music."

"Oh, yeah. The Beatles were complete hacks," Alan drawled.

Minako decided that it was best to ignore Alan when he started talking like that, and she once again changed the subject. "What are you doing here so early, anyway? You know that I don't get up before noon by choice unless my mother sets me on fire or something equally horrible."

Alan didn't immediately indicate any intention to respond, so she almost repeated her question. Before she could get the first two syllables out, Alan shrugged again. "I had insomnia, so I went ahead and came over. I would have called, but you didn't give us the phone number."

"Of course," Minako said miserably, bending her neck so that her head was hanging low. "Amazing. A few digits could have saved me from this humiliation."

"I would pat you on the head, but I'm afraid of what would happen if I missed," Alan said nervously. "Anyway, I thought that as since I couldn't sleep, I'd annoy you until you woke up and then we'd get started on that sight-seeing."

Minako nodded. "Right. The tourism." She sighed, slowing backing into the room. "Why don't you just... let me finish, and then we'll get going?"

Alan returned her nod, following her inside. "Sounds like a plan."

As soon as Alan was three steps inside the hotel room, Minako turned around and ran back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, and locking it for good measure. Then she whipped the towel off and buried her face in it, emitting a wordless scream.

Alan was right that these sorts of things always happened to her. But he'd never been on the receiving end of them before. If she had known how much worse it would be with him, she would have had a good luck charm tattooed on her forehead to repel her misfortune.

Minako snorted as she stepped back into the shower. "As if that would have done any good."

-----

A few hours later, Minako found herself wandering around a museum. And not just any museum. The largest and possibly most boring museum ever built in any country in any time. The Louvre. Its one saving grace was the occasional statues and paintings of naked men, though Alan never let her look at those for very long.

Minako pouted as Alan once again dragged her away from a particularly chiseled specimen. "You are the meanest tour guide ever," she observed.

"You've been saying that ever since you got here," Alan chided.

"No, I've been saying it since you told me we were coming here," Minako corrected. "Honestly, why did you have to bring me to a museum first thing?"

"I am trying to expand your horizons," Alan informed her. "Educate you."

Minako made a face that normally would have looked quite unpleasant, but she had practiced it in the mirror when she was twelve and trained herself to still look adorable when she would have otherwise looked revolting. Her mother called her vain and Rei called her frivolous, but she felt it had been time well spent. "You and Ami are always trying to force knowledge upon me. I think it's shameful! School is over! There is no need to thrust these intellectual insights upon me anymore. I'm done. Through with it. I've laundered my clothes of it."

It took Alan a moment to figure out that she had meant to say that she had washed her hands of it, so he did not immediately respond. "I fail to see what's wrong with learning something. You're in a foreign country. The very act of coming here was a learning experience."

"Yes, but I wasn't aware of it at the time," Minako countered. "Besides, there are so many other things to do in Paris. There's romance! Excitement! Men who are not dead and only living on through the magic of art! Men who will check me out while I am checking them out! Men who dress well but are most definitely not gay!"

Alan glanced down at her, smiling wryly. "And you don't think my presence will hinder them at all?"

Minako winked and wagged a finger at him. "Not if I call you _mon frère_."

"Curses," Alan muttered. "Foiled again."

"_Naturellement_," Minako chirped. "But back to my earlier point. Museums are boring. And by taking me to a museum, you are a meanie. Ergo, you are a meanie in a museum that is quickly boring me beyond the point of human comprehension."

Alan sighed, holding out his hands to the hundreds of paintings lining the walls around them. He even did a spin for dramatic effect, a move that made her swell with pride. He only could have picked that up from her, after all. "How can you find all of this boring? Hundreds of years ago, men managed to capture beauty on canvas. They pursued it relentlessly and they captured it, preserving it for the rest of eternity for all generations after them to appreciate." He gestured to her, looking a little befuddled by her. "You of all people should be able to appreciate that."

If Alan had been available for her to flirt with, Minako would have said something about being more impressed by the beauty of what he had said than the pictures that surrounded her. And though she would have been telling the truth if she said that, it was not the sort of thing one told a married man that one used to have a very large and embarrassing crush on. So instead, she glanced around, looking as disinterested as ever. "It's pretty," Minako admitted. "But still boring."

She paused, having found another picture of a man who seemed to regard his portrait as clothing optional. "With certain exceptions," she giggled, stopping to crane her neck to get a better view. "Hello there."

Alan rolled his eyes and grabbed her wrist, pulling her along before she was completely aware that he was doing so. "You are insatiable. Did you know?"

"I've been told as much," Minako agreed.

"Allow me to reiterate," Alan said smartly. "Insatiable!"

Minako pouted and whined, "But the nudity is the only thing keeping me awake!"

"You are a sensationalist attracted to glitz and glamour who refuses to acknowledge that anything has value if it isn't neon colored or wearing leather trousers," Alan accused.

Minako furrowed her brow. "And that is a bad thing because...?"

Alan rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend to be dull. You know I can't stand it."

"No, really. I don't see your point," Minako insisted.

Alan sighed, waving her off. "Never mind."

Minako shrugged and fell back into step beside Alan, skipping a bit just to make the promenade a bit more interesting. After awhile, she glanced at him askance and said, "I don't understand why you get all jittery about nudity."

"I do not get jittery," Alan retorted, sounding a bit fussed.

Minako smirked. "You do so. You get the same look on your face that you had--" she was obviously about to bring up the incident that morning, but she had no real interest in doing so. In fact, she had sworn Alan to silence on the subject while she'd been blow drying her hair, forcing her to repeat her request several times over before he actually realized what she was asking. Nevertheless, he had agreed to keep it quiet only for fear that Katarina would find out.

Alan returned her grin and said, "Same look on my face as when, Mina?"

She closed her mouth, falling into a sullen silence without bothering to answer. He laughed at her for a moment, before joining her in the quiet.

The pair wandered around for a bit more, Alan glancing around and soaking up the culture and Minako glancing down at her watch and wishing the minutes would pass faster. Suddenly, he came to a halt, holding out his hand to stop her walk. At first, she was confused, but then she managed to follow his gaze to the opposite wall. Then she understood completely.

"Ah," Minako said, walking over to the painting in question. "_La Joconde_."

"_La Gioconda_," Alan added, smiling in a way that made him almost look at peace, very different from the tense look he had in his eyes around Katarina and the energized one he had around Minako.

Minako turned to him, frowning. "You just had to trump me with the original Italian, didn't you?"

"_Naturellement_," Alan quipped, tapping her on the nose.

The two turned to look at what was arguably the Louvre's most famous painting, created by the master Leonardo Da Vinci sometime in the 16th century. They studied it for a time, allowing themselves to fall back into their silence. Alan looked at it with the scrutiny of someone who had contemplated the painting before, while Minako took it all in with the innocence of someone who had never seen the painting before, even though she had seen representations of it all her life. And the Mona Lisa smiled back at them both, and though her paint was faded, no one could deny that she had retained her beauty over time.

Well, almost no one.

"I don't get it," Minako confessed to the question she knew Alan would eventually get around to asking.

Alan's shoulders sagged in misery. "What do you mean you don't get it?"

"I just don't understand what all the excitement is about," Minako continued, feeling a bit guilty that she was disappointing him. "There's nothing wrong with it, obviously. For heaven's sake, even I can appreciate that Da Vinci was one of the greatest painters in history. But I've never been able to understand why people are so attracted to this particular painting. It's just a woman." Minako leaned in as far as she could, squinting her eyes. "And she doesn't have such a great smile. I bet she's never made any delivery boys drop their packages with that smile. I did that once. And he walked into a pole afterwards."

Alan arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure all you did was smile at him?"

"Meanest. Ever," Minako repeated, glaring.

Alan shook his head, choosing to ignore her. "Anyway, while I'm sure you have made many men nearly commit vehicular manslaughter with a glance, that isn't the point of her smile."

"You're going to lecture me, aren't you?" Minako asked crossly. "You have dragged me to a museum to force education on me, you have prevented me from appreciating the male form, and now you are going to lecture me. Alan, there is a reason why I never went to university. You are it."

"The purpose of the smile," Alan pressed forward, "is unknown. _La Joconde_ is almost always described as having an enigmatic smile. Her thoughts, her motives, even her identity are a complete mystery to us. Many men have sat in front of her and tried to puzzle out what she could have been thinking when Da Vinci painted her. They have obsessed over it. Perhaps some have been driven to madness searching for the answer, and I bet not even you could boast that."

"I'm young yet," Minako countered, though it was quite clear that he hadn't heard her.

"Every time I come here, I have a different theory," Alan continued, the intensity of his voice and his convictions grabbing her attention and holding them where otherwise she would have drifted. He'd always had that talent. "Sometimes I think she's flirting with me. Other times I think she's completely naive. Sometimes I think she's plotting something. The answer to the question changes every time for me, and that's what makes the pursuit of it so frustrating. No one is ever really certain when they look at _La Joconde_. No one can be. She's too mysterious for us to grasp and too far away to ever be reached."

Minako stared at him, briefly amazed by his passion, which she had feared he had lost when she first laid eyes on him back at his flat. She clenched her hands at the memory, quickly willing it away. It still chilled her, even though a day had passed.

"Why do you keep looking if you can't find the answer?" Minako asked.

Alan looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Shouldn't all questions be answered? Isn't that the point of the question to begin with?"

She felt a little put off by his query, but it didn't stop her from turning back to the painting and studying it again for a moment. Eventually, she shook her head and said, "I don't see the question. I just see a fact. She's smiling. Does it really matter why?"

Alan laughed, flabbergasted. "Of course it does."

"You see, I don't think so," Minako said, pursing her lips. "I don't think I really want to know why she's smiling. It's her secret isn't it? Why not let her keep it?" She could feel Alan looking at her, and it made her slightly self-conscious where it would have otherwise been appreciated. Nevertheless, she did have the presence of mind to add, "Besides, I've seen what secrets can do. I've seen empires fall because of secret affairs and wars begun over secret passions. And all because someone could not handle the truth when the secret was revealed. What might happen if we learn the truth behind her enigmatic smile?"

Minako quickly cut herself off as she realized she was drifting off into fantasy. After all, there was a difference between the fall of the Silver Millennium and a mere painting. It had been foolish of her to project her life onto it, and she realized that her behavior had been foolish since she arrived. She stood in silence for a moment, but this was the same as it was with any other person. She was tense as her mind ran away with her, threatening to make her implode with her own rashness. In that moment, Alan was just like everyone else. Another person judging her for being impetuous.

"I'm sorry," Minako said quietly after she had finished, unable to stand the clearly critical silence any longer.

Alan turned to her, blinking rapidly. "Sorry? For what?"

Minako sighed, rocking back on to her heels. "I know that this was important to you, and I just had to keep whining about everything. I didn't mean to be a brat about it. I was just joking, but I think I might have taken it too far."

Alan stared at her for a moment, once again befuddled by her words. He blinked again, a wry smile spreading on to his lips. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, saying, "You didn't disappoint me, Mina. And I wasn't thinking you were a brat at all."

Minako tilted her head to the side, her hair spilling over her bare shoulder like a waterfall of molten gold. "You weren't?"

He shook his head. "No." He opened his eyes and looked at her again, suddenly seeming very serious. "I was just thinking of how much older you seem now. I suppose I never expected you to grow up." He chuckled. "Silly isn't it? Me assuming you'd be young forever."

She straightened in surprise, and she felt her cheeks go pink again. She laughed, perhaps a little too loudly, and said, "But I'm not old enough to be entertained by a museum. So it isn't that bad."

Alan shrugged. "That has nothing to do with age or maturity when you get down to it. It's mostly about personality. I suppose I just wanted to show you something beautiful." He stopped there, perhaps a bit surprised at his own words. He shook his head a bit and turned back to look at the painting, studying it again.

Minako found herself staring at him again, unsure of what to make of what he had said. First he had made her feel so very young, and now he was insisting that she had matured. She had no idea what to believe, so she merely turned back to the painting, hoping to stare at it until the smile made her forget other questions that would likely never be answered.

"I thought you preferred London," Minako said finally, after the painting failed to deliver.

"What's that?" he asked.

"I thought you preferred London," Minako repeated. "But you've been sitting here defending the Louvre and art and everything cultured about France like you're a Frenchman. Why are you defensive of Paris now?"

"I do love London. I miss it terribly," Alan admitted. Without warning, he turned away from the famous Da Vinci painting and met her eyes. They were darker than she remembered them being a few moments before. She felt her heart flutter in a manner that she thought must have been unhealthy as he held her gaze with the frightening intensity Alan sometimes had. "But I love beauty, too."

Minako swallowed the lump in her throat, wondering why he had chosen to look at her that way when he said that.

-----

Several days passed in a similar manner, and those days quickly turned into weeks. Alan took her every place imaginable in that span of time. Minako was certain that she had seen every monument and historical site ever erected in Paris. Thankfully, Alan had agreed to keep the museums to a minimum, which made Minako very happy indeed. Unfortunately, the trade off for that was that her partying was kept to a minimum. Alan refused to leave her alone in a strange city with her supposed intolerance for alcohol, and Minako hardly felt comfortable dragging him out at night given the fact that he was married. He kept insisting that Katarina wouldn't mind, and Minako was beginning to think he wasn't lying in order to be polite. She found it worrying.

But she tried not to dwell on that and simply enjoy the time she was spending with Alan. They reminisced a lot over that time, and Minako found it refreshing to have a conversation with an old friend that wasn't occasionally peppered by a memory of a battle or something along those lines. Not that she didn't enjoy remembering her time as a Senshi. The lack of activity was what had driven her to distraction in the first place. It was still a welcome change, and Minako was eternally grateful to Katarina's bosses for transferring her to Paris.

Though she wasn't grateful for the workload. In all the time Minako had been in Paris, she had only seen Katarina three times, excluding running into her on the first day. Minako was spending all of her time almost exclusively with Alan. It wasn't that she minded, but there were occasional moments when she would have liked for her to have been there. Not to mention the fact that she had missed Katarina just as much as Alan. She wanted to spend time with her Big Sister too.

They were currently on a day trip to the Palace of Versailles, wandering around the grounds by themselves. They were walking around the Run of the Sun, a large fountain adorned with statues depicting the story of Apollo. Minako was staring at the magnificent structure, blinking rapidly to account for the spray that was blowing into her eyes.

"This is quite different from our old walkabouts," Alan observed suddenly.

"How is that?" Minako queried, still looking at the fountain.

"You don't trip and fall into my arms anymore," Alan answered.

Minako blinked, turning her head to the side. "Well, of course not. Why would--"

The gods once again chose that particular moment to remind her that they enjoyed laughing at her, causing her to trip a little. She yelped and reached out for Alan instinctively, but he was already reaching out to steady her. Once he was assured that Minako wasn't going to topple over again, he righted her.

"I suppose it's my own fault for bringing it up," Alan said, smiling softly.

Minako looked down, pretending to fix her skirt when in fact she was just hiding her rather self-conscious blush. She just couldn't stop herself from doing this sort of thing, could she? Alan had been right after all.

"You said it. Not me," Minako chirped once she was sure that any trace of embarrassment had vanished from her face. "What made you think of that anyway?"

Alan paused, making Minako would if he was not quite sure how to respond. Before she could examine that theory, he had shrugged and continued walking, a little bit slower as if to accommodate for her occasional clumsiness. "Just letting my mind run away from me I suppose."

Minako raised an eyebrow and continued after him. "And the first thing you think of is my fake-tripping?"

"In my defense, you did do it a lot," Alan reminded her. "I always used to wonder how a gymnast could possibly be that unsteady on her feet."

Minako shrugged noncommittally, not particularly thrilled with the current line of conversation.

Alan shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing up at the clear sky thoughtfully. "So, just out of idle curiosity, exactly how massive was your infatuation with me?"

Minako found herself blushing yet again, wanting nothing more than to drown herself in the fountain. Too bad she would have likely been arrested if she had. "Who knows? I was thirteen. Everything was terribly important and dramatic."

"Well, I suppose it was great enough to fake your death for," Alan teased.

Minako studied the ground she was walking on with increasing intensity. "Must you bring that up? I've admitted that I was being ridiculous, haven't I?"

"Oh, it doesn't mean I can't rub it in every now and again," Alan joked. "I find it amusing."

Minako shut her eyes, not sure how she felt about Alan finding it amusing. Still, all she did was laugh, saying, "We all did silly things when we were young. Mine just happened to be a bit more operatic than most."

Alan chuckled. "Still, I can't say that I wasn't flattered when Katarina told me. I mean, once I got beyond the shock and the outrage and all that."

"You were," Minako muttered quietly, wishing that he would take the hint and find something else to talk about.

"Indeed," Alan agreed. "In a rather odd way, it was like you died for me. Wouldn't you say?"

Now thoroughly tired of the conversation but unwilling to hurt Alan's feelings by being nasty about it (as she was so very tempted to do), Minako decided that the best course of action was to change the subject. "So, how's Katarina doing?"

Alan's easy nature seemed to vanish faster than Minako could blink. She was given pause at how his eyes suddenly darkened and his jaw tightened, stretching the skin on his neck. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, for one thing, I haven't seen her in over a week," Minako pointed out, laughing a bit in order to hide her nervousness. In truth, it did little more than draw attention to it, but Alan didn't seem to notice. "I do want to see her too, you know."

Alan glanced down, and Minako noticed that his hands hand curled to form fists, his knuckles flushing pale. "Oh. I see." With that, his natural pace seemed to triple, leaving Minako behind before she knew what was happening.

She stared after him for a moment, utterly bewildered. She hadn't wanted to hurt Alan, but he didn't seem to have any qualms about doing it to her. It seemed that she'd somehow made the situation worse than it was, though she had no idea why.

Minako quickly jogged to catch up with him, calling out, "Alan! Wait a minute!" He didn't, for whatever reason, but Minako was the type of person who could be easily shaken. She laughed again, hoping to somehow improve his mood, and asked, "What's the matter with you?"

Alan shrugged stiffly. "I don't know. I suppose I just assumed we were having fun."

"I am," Minako reassured him. "What does that have to do with--"

"Katarina's busy," Alan interrupted somewhat harshly. "I've told you that."

Minako nodded. "Yes, and I was asking if there's a chance she'll not be busy any time soon because I would like to see her. Why--"

Once again, Alan refused to let her finish a sentence. "I don't think so. There's something big happening at work I think."

"Is it dangerous?" Minako asked anxiously.

Alan shook his head sharply. "No. Just some bureaucratic crap. But she's still busy, so you probably won't be able to see her until the weekend. If that."

Minako again nodded in understanding, but she was quickly becoming irritated with Alan's behavior. "Well, you could have just said that, Alan. There's no need to bite my head off."

Alan stopped suddenly, turning towards her. "I just thought that..."

Minako lifted both of her eyebrows. "You just thought what?"

He stood in silence for a moment, simply looking at her. Just when Minako was beginning to become uncomfortable, he sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. "Never mind. I'm sorry, I... don't feel all that well. Would you mind calling it off early for the day?"

"Oh, no," Minako responded, a little surprised. He'd seemed perfectly fine a moment ago. She almost questioned him about that, but she decided against it. She'd seen enough of Versailles, so there was no point in harping on the subject. "We can leave right now, if you want."

"I do," Alan said, turning around and walking away from her, back to the direction of the main building.

Minako stared after him for a moment, her eyes clouded with worry. Alan had already displayed a tendency to become uneasy when she mentioned Katarina previously, making Minako think that perhaps their "morning spat" had been one of many. She'd wanted to ask Alan about it, but she'd always been afraid that he would become brooding and unresponsive. Now all she'd done was mention the women's name, and Alan had become unbearable. It was beginning to confirm her worst suspicions, and she didn't like it one bit. She wanted to know what was going on. She wanted to help.

"Too bad I have no idea how to accomplish that," Minako murmured sadly before following him to the exit. Seconds later, Minako was prattling on about the flowers as if the last conversation hadn't happened at all. It didn't change the fact that Alan remained sour for the rest of the trip home and that Minako couldn't quite bring herself to look him in the eye anymore.

-----

Hours later, Minako was back in her hotel room, nursing a tension headache.

The remainder of the trip back to Paris had thoroughly exhausted her mentally. She had continued to try and engage Alan in light conversation, but he had been more than content to stare out the window of the train sullenly. She once joked that if he kept staring at the window like that, he might break it, but he hadn't even heard her. Eventually, she'd given up, and spent the rest of the journey sitting on her hands, trying very hard not to scream at him.

Honestly, she couldn't understand what had set him off like that. She was beginning to accept the fact that he and Katarina were having problems, but that was no reason to take it out on her. Even in his worst moods, he had been careful not to do that. It left her with the idea that perhaps she actually had done something wrong, and that wasn't a thought that she regarded with any joy.

Minako sighed, lying back on her bed and staring up at the ceiling reproachfully. She had been trying hard not to rock the boat, and she'd wound up overturning it. It only made matters worse that she was utterly clueless as to what it was she had done.

She remembered things like this happening back in London, though in retrospect, she could actually pinpoint what she had done to put Alan in his moods. It had been stupid, ditzy comments a thirteen year old was likely to make and not realize just how stupid or ditzy they were being. He'd only had so much patience with the occasional disconnect between her mouth and her brain after all. But she was older now, arguably wiser, and hours of pondering the altercation hadn't shed any more light on the subject.

She had considered calling Makoto to commiserate on the subject, but she'd decided against it. A conversation between Minako and any of the girls might trick her into saying something out loud that she was trying very hard to ignore. Thinking it was one thing. She couldn't very well control her thoughts. But once she told anyone else about it, she'd have brought it into existence and given it more power than it deserved.

And that was precisely why she did not call anyone and let them know that she was beginning to have feelings for Alan. Again.

Minako had spent a week trying to ignore the possibility before finally coming up with the idea that there was absolutely nothing wrong with thinking about it. Thoughts did not constitute betrayal. They didn't even really make the feelings real. After all, she had never really gotten closure with Alan after she'd fled London, so it was only natural that some of the old feelings would arise. All she had to do was keep from talking about them and eventually they'd go away.

Though again, seeing Katarina more often would really improve things on that front.

But her theory was the only thing that kept her meetings with Alan from being a complete awkward mess. Her feelings had not been validated, so therefore, they had no consequence. He didn't know about them. No one else knew about them. Only she knew about them, so there was absolutely no reason for them to have any effect on their conversations whatsoever. There may have been an occasional uneasy silence or sometimes her blood chose to pool at her cheeks without her consent, but it was nothing unmanageable.

So, of course Alan had chosen to actually talk about the first time it had happened and nearly ruined this foolproof plan of hers. Really, she had no earthly idea what had possessed him to bring that up. It was about as acceptable as bringing up ex-lovers on first dates. She hadn't even done anything to prompt the conversation. In all of their nostalgic dialogues, she had made certain to steer clear about that aspect of the relationship. She knew that bringing it up would only complicate things and possibly prompt her mouth to do that disconnect thing and say something horrible.

Before Minako could continue to fret about that afternoon, her phone rang. She flinched at the noise, but reached over quickly to prevent it from doing so again. "Hello?"

There was silence on the other end at first, but then Minako thought maybe she heard the sound of sniffling. She sat up, leaning back on her elbows. "Hello?" she repeated. "Who is this?"

"Sorry to call you this late, Minako..."

Minako's eyes widened as she recognized the voice. "Alan?" she asked. "Alan, are you all right? You sound--"

"Drunk and sullen?" Alan finished.

Minako paused. "Well, I wasn't going to be that blunt."

"I probably shouldn't have called you," Alan admitted quietly. "I just... Katarina isn't going to be home, and I needed to talk to someone, and..." he trailed off again, and this time Minako was certain that she heard him sniffling.

"Alan? My God, are you crying?" Minako asked, now getting to her feet.

"Not so much anymore," Alan muttered.

"I'm coming over," Minako insisted. She heard him start to protest. "Don't try and talk me out of it. I'll be there in half an hour." Before she hung up the phone, Minako was sure to add, "And for heaven's sake, put away the wine."

She heard him mutter something about scotch, but she was certain that she didn't want to know what it was he was saying. She quickly pulled on her shoes and her coat, running down the stairs rather than waiting for the elevator. A few minutes later, she was in a cab, promising not to pay attention to the meter if he sped the whole way.

Minako was still quite sure that she couldn't get there fast enough.

Coming Soon - Part Five: La Trahison


	6. Part Five: La Trahison

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Five: La Trahison - The Desire They Should Not Fulfill  
6/10  
by Kihin Ranno

Minako arrived at Alan and Katarina's apartment twenty minutes later, a record time. She threw open the door before the taxi had come to a complete stop and jumped out so quickly that she almost forgot to pay the driver. She had a hard time getting into her purse to find her wallet, something that always seemed to happen when it was raining or she was in some sort of hurry, such as this one. Once that was finally done, she practically ran up to the door, her foot slipping off the path at one point, which got her heel caught in some mud. She groaned and pressed on, not even bothering to knock on the door before pushing it open. She wasn't surprised to find that he'd left it open for her.

"Alan!" she called out, setting her purse down by the door. She almost walked into the foyer, but remembered her shoes. She kicked them off without any of the ceremony she'd learned in her native culture, and moved further into the flat. "Alan, where are you?"

"Bedroom," he responded, his voice sullen and heavy.

Minako sighed, shutting her eyes for a moment. "Great," she muttered. "That's not awkward." Still, it didn't stop her from plowing forward, making her way through the clutter that had reaccumulated in the living room. She almost banged her knee on the doorway to the bedroom, but she noticed the wall at the last minute, jumping out of the way and into the room.

She'd never actually been in there, so she was surprised to see how much cleaner it was compared to the rest of the house. For the first time, Minako actually saw some of Katarina's need for order, though it didn't quite register at the time. She was a bit too preoccupied with Alan, lying prone on the bed with a bottle of scotch in his hand. It was close to being empty, and Minako was quite glad that Alan wasn't a lightweight. She didn't know what she would have done if he were completely smashed. He looked bad enough as it was.

"Oh, Alan," Minako said, caught between being worried and saddened by his state. She moved over to him with as much urgency as she would have had if he were bleeding. She took the bottle away immediately, setting it out of his reach. He didn't seem to notice that it was gone. She hovered over him fretfully before walking around to the other side of the bed, just to make sure there were no other bottles. There weren't. "What happened?" she demanded.

"I'm having one of my moods," Alan explained, his voice surprisingly steady considering the amount of alcohol he'd had. It was a bit shaky, but she'd seen her father after he'd had that much to drink. He wasn't nearly as coherent. "Isn't that what you call it?"

Minako swallowed, feeling a bit guilty, though she couldn't exactly say why. "Alan, when I talk about your moods, I mean you sit in a dark room and brood. I don't mean that you--"

"I did that," Alan interrupted a bit too loudly. "I sat in here and I brooded. It didn't make me feel better, so I started drinking."

Minako wanted to ask him if that had made him feel better, but she decided it was best not to antagonize him. "What happened?" she repeated softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and scooting towards him. Once she was beside Alan, she propped him up into a somewhat upright position, finding his previous one worrying. It was no simple task, as Alan had at least a foot on her in height, but she had more upper arm strength than most girls.

"Does it matter?" Alan asked.

"Yes, it matters," Minako insisted, her voice sharp. "I've never seen you like this, Alan."

Alan snorted. "You haven't seen me in five years, Mina. How do you know I haven't been like this before?"

Minako frowned, narrowing her eyes. "Because Katarina would have called me to come to London and kick your butt, that's why."

Alan's eyes darkened just as they had that afternoon at Versailles. His lips tightened around his teeth and he said, "Katarina would have… wouldn't she?"

"And where is Katarina, anyway?" Minako asked. "You said she wasn't here, but you didn't go into detail. Is she really working this late?"

Alan shut his eyes, and she was rather happy that she didn't have to look at their stormy look anymore. She'd loved Alan's eyes the best when he'd allowed himself to be carefree, and seeing them like that made her hurt a little. "She's not working."

Minako waited for him to continue, but he seemed to need prompting. "Then where is she?"

"Not here," Alan repeated unhelpfully.

Minako sighed and took a hold of Alan's head, turning it towards her. She forced him to make direct eye contact with her, hoping to break through the haze of the alcohol and said, "Alan, focus. I need to know where Katarina is. Tell me."

She could tell that he wanted to look down, but she'd always been told that she could have an arresting gaze when she wanted to know something. She used that now on Alan, piercing through the fog and thunder covering his irises. Finally, his shoulders sagged and he said, "She's staying at a hotel."

Minako furrowed her brow. "But why would she be at a--" she cut herself off, her eyes widening in realization. The change was enough to make her gaze lose its effect, causing Alan to look away from her again. She would have stopped him, but she could only process one thing at a time. There was only one reason for Katarina staying in a hotel away from her husband. It could only mean that their relationship had been worse than Minako had originally feared. "Oh," she said softly. "Oh, Alan, I'm so sorry."

"She just packed a bag and left," Alan explained, the pitch of his voice changing frequently. "Said she'd be back tomorrow. She's telling the truth. She only took one change of clothes."

Minako nodded, glad for that at least. She scooted closer, gently laying a hand on his elbow. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Alan shrugged, drawing his knees up to his chest. "I just came home and she was in a bad mood, but then she's always in a bad mood when you aren't around. And I was in a bad mood, and we got into a fight, and… She decided to leave."

A part of Minako wanted to get more details from him, mostly to satisfy her curiosity, but she resisted the urge by actually biting her lip and waiting a moment for the inclination to pass. That done, she leaned forward a bit and said, "Was the fight really that bad?"

"Probably not," Alan admitted. "Things just… haven't been good. Katarina said she couldn't stand to be in the same flat with me anymore." Alan paused, swallowed hard and making his Adam's apple jerk violently. "It's not like she can banish me farther than the sofa."

Minako felt a pang in her chest after hearing that. It was worse than she could have possibly feared. She was about to offer sympathy when his chin fell forward onto his chest. He closed his eyes so tightly that Minako's skin ached in sympathy. She wasn't quite sure what to do, not wanting to touch him immediately for fear of making things worse, or because of her own feelings that were still very present, despite the circumstances. She merely sat at Alan's side, waiting for him to give her a clue as to what he wanted from her. It was a long moment before his shoulders heaved, a strangled sob shooting out of this throat.

"Oh, God," Minako whispered, finally caving in and wrapping her arms around Alan. She could tell that he needed it, and perhaps she should not have waited as long as she had, though it had only been a few seconds. He settled into the embrace easily, laying his head on her chest and clutching at her back. His fingers were digging into her spine and he was holding on to her so tightly that it was almost painful. But all she did was stroke his hair; she wanted to tell him that everything was going to be all right, but on the other hand, she didn't want to be that clichéd nor did she want to promise him a solution when she didn't even know what the problem really was.

"I'm sorry," Alan said suddenly. "I'm sorry about this afternoon and that I'm drunk and acting like a--"

"Stop it," Minako soothed. "You have nothing to apologize for. You're my friend, and you're hurting. I should have seen that early, but I just wanted so badly for you to be happy. I thought you weren't, but I didn't want to face it."

"And now I'm making you face it," Alan moaned. It would have been laughable if it hadn't been so pathetic.

"Forget that," Minako instructed, still trying to calm him down. "Just... tell me what I can do, Alan. Please tell me that there's something I can do."

He didn't, not immediately. For several more minutes, he just kept holding onto her. Occasionally, it would seem that his crying was subsiding and that he was about to speak, but as soon as she thought that, another wave of desperation would pass over him. It began to get so upsetting that Minako's own eyes were filling with tears, but she didn't dare let them spill over. She didn't want to think of what Alan would do if he thought that he'd made her cry. She was certain that it would only make the situation worse, though it was contemplating the degree to which that could happen which made Minako hold the tears back.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Alan spoke. "Do you know what she told me?" he said softly, his voice muffled as his lips moved next to her collarbone. "A few months after... after we'd thought you'd died?"

Minako blinked, unsure of what this could have to do with that evening's row or the ongoing problems with his marriage. Even so, she knew better than to direct the conversation. She shook her head, but he hadn't really needed her answer. Still, he paused to let her give it before continuing. "She told me that when she had a kid, a girl, she was going to name it Mina." He paused. "Or Wilhelmina and just call her Mina. I don't know. She kept changing her mind."

Minako furrowed her brow, unsure of what to make of the statement. She wondered if there was any sense to his rambling and, fearing that there wasn't, began to speak. "Alan, I'm flattered, but I don't see what that has to--"

"I decided that I loved her when she said that," Alan said softly. "Or maybe I just realized it. You said that you saw it right after the explosion..."

Once again, Minako wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to that or even if she was meant to. She felt completely ill at ease and confused. There was a strange feeling in her stomach that wasn't quite painful or queasy, but she felt like it should have been. She felt her hands press against Alan more fervently, willing him to go on and perhaps in an attempt to circumvent her nervous energy.

"She was so happy when she got pregnant," Alan continued, his voice sounding distant, and higher than Minako was used to.

Minako sat up straight for a moment from the shock, but slouched again when Alan's head didn't move with her. She stared down at him, completely shocked and repeated, "Pregnant?" Her head began to spin. Katarina certainly didn't look pregnant and she'd been drinking wine the other night. And Minako thought Katarina would have told her if she was pregnant, since they hadn't spoken in so long.

Alan nodded against her chest. "But she wouldn't actually tell anyone when she found out."

It was at that moment that Minako realized he was using the past tense.

"You know Katarina's an only child: her mother had a few miscarriages before she finally had Katarina, so Katarina didn't want to jinx the pregnancy or anything like that." Alan paused to laugh, desperate and lost. "Still, we... We never actually thought anything was going to go wrong."

"Oh, God," Minako whispered, unable to stop the tears from slipping past her lashes. Her eyes fluttered shut at the same rate that her throat started to constrict. He didn't need to finish, but he was going to anyway.

Alan sniffed loudly. "I'd never seen her lose it like that before," he recalled, his voice shaking, as if fearful that just remembering the tragedy would bring it back into the present. "She went to the doctor because there was some bleeding, but she didn't want to think anything was wrong. It didn't necessarily mean anything. She told me that lots of women..." he trailed off, taking a deep breath. "I had to go pick her up because she was hysterical. She just cried and cried and... I'd never seen her like that before. I mean, before that, I'd only seen her cry three times : When she thought you were dead; when she found out you were alive; and the day we got married. I was... terrified. I didn't know what I was supposed to do … I had no idea how to help her… I didn't know anything, and I was so fucking scared."

Alan shook his head, his hands curling into fists at her back. He latched on to some of the material of her shirt, bunching it up in between his fingers. "She did everything she was supposed to do!" he exploded. "She stopped drinking, she ate the right food, she took vitamin supplements... She wanted that baby so badly."

Minako swallowed hard as everything began to make sense, though she found that the clearer everything became, the worse she felt. "But you could try again, right? It wasn't so bad that she can't have children, was it?"

"It was a miracle she even got pregnant," Alan said miserably. "She always knew it would be difficult for her... Damn it!" he swore suddenly, making Minako jump, almost releasing him. "I should have been more prepared. I knew it was risky, and I knew that even though she was being careful, she wasn't letting herself think about that. She just knew that she wanted to carry one child to term and she wanted it to be a girl so we could call her Mina. But I was just so happy that she was happy, I wouldn't let myself think about it either. And then when she lost it, I..." He scrubbed his cheeks, looking at Minako, his eyes begging her to understand. "Katarina's always been the one in control, Mina. She's always been strong and sensible and it seems like she knows exactly what to do in any situation, but she was just... She cried all the time and she wouldn't get out of bed for days. And then when that stopped, she worked like a maniac."

Minako shook her head, subtly dabbing at her eyes. She wanted to be angry that Alan and Katarina hadn't told her. She wanted to ask Alan what he'd expected to happen when he knew that Katarina wanted that baby so much. She wanted to yell at him for not calling her when Katarina lost the baby. She would have dropped anything, even the potential end of the world, to help her big sister. She would have told Galaxia to shove it or whatever else she had to do, she would have hitchhiked to London if necessary so that Katarina would have had someone else by her side. She wanted to, but she didn't. Instead she asked, "Did you try and get her help?"

"That's what started the fighting in the first place," Alan said irritably, finally pulling away. He wiped at his eyes while Minako kept her seat next to him. When it looked like he might start up again, she grabbed his hand and held it tightly, which seemed to settle him down for the time being. "I tried to get her to go and see someone, at least talk about it to me, but she kept insisting that she was fine. After awhile, I got frustrated with her being in denial and I said some stupid shit and... things have been awful ever since."

"How long?" Minako asked, her own voice shaking a bit.

Alan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "About a year I think."

Minako covered her mouth with her hand, gazing up at the ceiling. She'd heard from Katarina fairly regularly up until about a year ago. Then it had been next to impossible to track her down, and when Minako did get a chance to speak with her or write to her, Katarina was less than forthcoming. Katarina had said she was busy, and Minako had believed her.

"I should have known," Minako said softly. "Oh, Alan, I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you, and I--"

"No, it's my fault," Alan insisted, waving at her so sharply that he almost knocked her off the bed. "I thought about calling you and telling you what was going on, but I..."

Minako leaned forward, trying to look him in the eyes. "But what? Why didn't you?"

Alan shook his head miserably. "In my head... you were still a kid."

Minako looked down, her chest tightening at the familiar words. They were the same ones Katarina had said to her four years earlier. Even now, she could think back on that moment and still be hurt that Katarina had thought she'd been too immature to fall in love. She was old enough to risk her life and fight monsters and nearly die on several occasions, but not old enough to love Alan? She'd wanted to say something to her about it, but she'd been too happy to have Katarina back at the time to suddenly make things pessimistic again.

And now, hearing similar words from Alan made that dull ache throb as if the wound were fresh. She was too young to understand her big sister's pain, too immature to be of any use, to much of a baby to be told of their marriage problems in the first place. And, she thought selfishly, it meant that she was too young for him, and even if he was out of her reach by marriage, that hurt the most.

"But you aren't anymore," Alan said, his voice suddenly sounding just as despondent as it had before. "You're... You seem so old sometimes, Mina. You've changed so much, and it's like that girl I knew doesn't even exist anymore."

Minako blinked, looking up in surprise. Odd: something she'd never been called before. At least not by anyone above the age of five. "Alan--"

"And I know that it's stupid," Alan said, his voice tight as it was pushed out from between clenched teeth. "But sometimes it's as if... It's as if I don't even know you. Even though you're right there, it's like you're not, and then I remember that I'm alone, because Katarina certainly doesn't give a damn anymore, and if you're not there, who is? And that scares me so much, I don't know what to do with myself, so I drink to make it go away, but it never does."

Minako once again found herself feeling guilty, even though she hadn't done anything to make him feel that way.

"That's why I got so upset this afternoon," Alan admitted, rubbing at his nose like a kid. "I know that it was stupid and childish, but I couldn't help thinking that you would have rather been out with Katarina. And then, once I'd convinced myself I was a git for thinking that, I was thinking about her and how she won't even look at me anymore." He leaned forward, his forehead suddenly resting against hers. "I just feel so alone all the time, but when you're around, it's not like that. Everything's... better. I didn't want to lose you. Not to her."

Minako wanted to look into his eyes, but their current proximity was giving her vertigo, so she glanced down at her hands. She was painfully aware of his breath, hot and ruffling the collar of her blouse. It was the closest they had ever been to each other when they weren't hugging, and their position on the bed did nothing to alleviate the anxious feeling in her stomach. "Alan, that's ridiculous."

"I know," Alan agreed desolately.

"I wouldn't leave you," Minako insisted, deciding to ignore his gloomy admission. She took a deep breath to steady herself. "I promise. You're my friend, and... I'd be the last person who would ever do that." She paused and then decided she might as well reciprocate Alan's confession with one of her own. "My friends are all moving forward, Alan," she said, knowing that turning the conversation on herself wasn't normally the correct protocol, but she wanted to distract Alan from his own troubles, as well as distract herself from where his body was in relation to hers. She hoped that he was having an easier time of it than she was. "They're in college or doing some kind of training, and I got kicked out of my house and I'm living in a crappy apartment never knowing where my next meal is coming from. I'm getting turned down at every corner, but I can't tell them that. I just can't. They all seem so happy, and I don't want to be the reason that changes. I'm not supposed to be a failure," she whispered, tears prickling at her eyes. "I always thought I'd be successful straight off, but I'm not. And the only one who knows about it is Artemis, and he tries, but he's just a damn cat. There's only so much he can do. And I feel alone, too, every second of every day."

She licked her lips, swallowing. "But I don't feel like that here," she whispered fervently. "It's like I told you in the car. I can be silent with you. I can tell you the truth. I can tell you the truth like no one else and I don't know if it's because of that... stupid crush or what." Minako couldn't help but feel a bit violent towards her old feelings, now brought to the surface so that it was more appropriate to say they were her current feelings. "But that's how it is. I'm not alone with you. I'm not."

She could feel Alan staring at her, his head tipping up so that the side of his nose brushed against her. They were silent for a moment except for the sound of Minako breathing, as the last monologue had come out in a rush. Finally, he whispered, "Neither am I."

Even though Minako was surprised by Alan's lips suddenly pushing against hers, she could never say that she had been unaware of what was going on. Her response had been almost immediate, inhaling sharply and closing her eyes. She kissed him back on either impulse or instinct.

Her heart nearly exploded and her stomach began doing a gymnastic routine. She'd kissed boys before, but Alan was different. Alan had been her first real crush, the first guy she'd ever pursued whole-heartedly for any extended period of time. He'd been funny and charming, and goofy at times. He'd been a friendly boy in a strange city who didn't mind her tagging along. Falling in love with him had been nigh inevitable.

And now he'd been a friendly man in a strange city who didn't mind taking her around. He hadn't always been as happy as before right off, but she'd always strived to cheer him up when he was down. He'd been nothing but kind and made her forget about all of her troubles in Tokyo, which was just what she had needed. He had been there and he had been so attentive. He'd made it so clear that he wanted her around and that he'd missed her while she'd been gone, and she couldn't help buy daydream that maybe he wanted and missed her for entirely different reasons. But she'd always stopped those thoughts because regardless of her interpretations, Alan was a married man.

Alan was a very married man, problems or no.

She pulled away a few seconds later, beginning to move off the bed. Impulse was strong, but there were moments that her conscience was stronger. There were also moments when she hated that her conscience was stronger. She shook her head fervently. "No. We can't."

"Mina--" Alan began, reaching out and grabbing her wrist.

"No!" Minako argued loudly, yanking her arm away. He merely grabbed the other one, and she would have removed that one as well if she'd thought it would do any good. "Alan, I have to go."

"Why?" he asked, and Minako very much wanted to hit him for asking her that.

"Because you're married!" she shouted. "You're married to my big sister! And this is her bed and her flat and you're… her husband! You're wearing your ring and your picture is on the mantle and… God, the room smells like her, and I can't. I can't no matter how much I want to--"

Minako stopped abruptly, hating herself intensely for letting her mouth run away from her.

Alan blinked, looking a little surprised. "No matter what?"

Minako sighed, burying her hand in her hair and yanking on it. She wished that the rest of her could disappear like that, so she wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. "Alan, please don't be an idiot." She shut her eyes, deciding there was no sense in holding back now. "I was in love with you when I was thirteen. Do you understand that? It wasn't a crush; I didn't fancy you. I was head over... _fucking_ heels. And say what you want about the heart and absence, but proximity is what does me in. I've been spending nearly every waking moment with you, and I promised myself I wouldn't say it out loud. I promised that I wouldn't say that the feelings were coming back because that made them real, but then… Then you had to go and kiss me, and how am I supposed to pretend they're not real when you're kissing me and I'm kissing you back and I like it. Damn it, what am I supposed to--"

Alan pulled her forward again, kissing her roughly with his arm hooked around her waist. Something about could only be described as searing, making her feel as if her entire body was melting. As unpleasant an image as that was, it felt pleasant enough, and it was several more long, aching moments before she pulled back again.

"Alan--"

"No. Listen," Alan ordered harshly. "It doesn't matter."

Minako knew that he wasn't talking about her feelings, so that had to mean he was talking about Katarina. Minako found the suggestion appalling and tried to wriggle out of his arms. "Of course Katarina matters!"

"No," Alan repeated. "Don't you get it? She's never left before. It's…" he hung his head, the realization just falling on him. "It's over now."

Minako's heart didn't know whether to sink or skip a beat, and she felt rather nauseated at her dilemma. "You don't know that."

He shook his head. "I… I can't take this anymore, Mina." He let go over her arm, cupping her face with his hand. He smoothed over her cheek with his thumb and said, "I've remembered what being happy is because you're here. Please, please don't take that away now."

Slowly, very slowly, Alan's face began to inch towards Minako's. He'd said precisely the thing to break her down, and he'd probably known that, he knew her so well. But Minako didn't doubt his sincerity. She wouldn't want to spend her life on a sofa either. She knew Katarina would be devastated, just as Alan was clearly devastated. And she knew that she shouldn't have allowed herself to be Alan's distraction. The problem was that she wanted to be Alan's distraction.

"If Katarina ever finds out…" Minako said, her voice still vaguely protesting even as it became distant.

"She won't find out," Alan insisted.

"I love her," Minako maintained.

Alan nodded. "I know."

Minako shut her eyes, shaking her head, her last resistance gone. "I'm a horrible person."

"No," Alan said brusquely, even though the look in his eyes was gentle. "You're beautiful."

And then he kissed her again, and Minako found herself forcing any unwanted thoughts out of her head. She let down all of her defenses, not making a single noise of protest when he pushed his tongue into her mouth. He tasted unpleasantly of alcohol, but her inner thirteen-year-old wouldn't let her think about that, forced her to ignore it, because she'd only been thinking about this for the past five years now. Minako convinced herself that her heart was pounding too much for her to notice the taste; of course, that didn't make sense, but it didn't matter. She was kissing him. That's what mattered.

Eventually, Minako pulled away, opening her eyes slightly. She didn't look up completely, keeping her eyes trained to the bedspread. She opened her mouth to say something, and, though she wasn't entirely sure what it was she would have said, Alan didn't give her the chance.

"Don't talk," he whispered, moving his head forwards so that his lips brushing against her lips as he spoke and his fingers splaying out over her thighs. "Please, don't talk anymore."

Minako's breath hitched again, and she arched her back to bridge the gap between them. She cupped her hands around his face, her fingers slipping into the dark silk of his hair, and kissed him harder this time, pulling back only to nip at his bottom lip with her teeth.

Alan seemed to take that as some sort of signal, hurriedly sliding his hands underneath her skirt and taking hold of her hips. His touch wasn't as gentle as it could be, so she winced a bit when he pulled her forward, maneuvering her so that she was straddling his lap. He brushed his thumbs against her inner thighs, making her tip her head back. He leaned forward and bit at her throat, more like a dog than a lover. She gasped loudly when his teeth dug in too far. He seemed to take the hint and restricted himself to just kissing her neck, an act she found much more enjoyable.

After awhile, Minako ran her hands down the front of his chest until her fingers closed around the bottom of his shirt. It had become clear some time ago that there was only one way this was going to end, and she wasn't going to pass it up. After all, this was an opportunity that she had been for as long as she had known Alan, though at thirteen she'd been too innocent to think of the specifics. Still, Alan had been older and Minako had considered herself to be very sophisticated for her age at the time, so she had convinced herself that she would be ready, should things get to that point. But she was older now, and presumably wiser, and she wasn't going to run away like a scared little girl, no matter how young and scared she actually felt.

Perhaps that was another reason why she reached down to remove her shirt. The movement seemed to keep her hands from shaking quite so much. Alan leaned back after a moment to help her with the shirt. As soon as it was gone, Minako pushed her weight forward, leaving Alan flat on his back. His arms weren't long enough to keep holding her hips, so they slid upwards, flipping her skirt up until they came to rest on her waist. Then she was kissing his neck, her lips trailing over the area where she could feel his heart beat, something she found intensely erotic for some reason. Her fingers occasionally trailed down his chest, creating unknown patterns on his flesh.

Meanwhile, he was reaching forward to undo her blouse, though he had the extreme misfortune of having to deal with buttons. Alan might have been fairly coherent while intoxicated, but, as previously demonstrated, he wasn't quite as aware of her body. As a result, he handled the buttons a bit too roughly, popping one off in the process.

"Watch it," she hissed, biting his collarbone gently in retaliation.

Alan moaned quietly, apparently not taking the gesture as any sort of punishment. Still, he managed to get her blouse off without popping another button, she could be grateful for that much. She shifted upwards, kissing him again. It was even more frenzied than before, so that sometimes they scraped teeth or hit their noses.

His hand would occasionally move up to her back, his fingers sliding under the fabric of her bra, but never successfully managing to remove it. Eventually, Minako reached around and unhooked the garment, deciding that it was best if she didn't leave that up to Alan, as she wanted to keep it in mint condition. That done, she set it aside, resting her full weight on him. She sighed at the feeling of her breasts pushing against his bare chest and shifted around a bit, creating some friction between the two of them.

Several minutes later, he rolled over on top of her, pushing his hips into the air to remove his pants. This removal seemed to go much faster than any of her clothing had, and without her assistance. Alan was completely nude within seconds. He began to settle back down on top of her, prompting Minako to go for her skirt. She was surprised when his hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling it away.

"Leave it on," he breathed before moving back down to crush his lips against hers again. She decided not to argue, especially not when his fingers were hooked in her underwear, quickly pulling them down. A moment passed where his kissing seemed to get a bit distracted, until she realized that he was pulling something out of the nightstand. She heard plastic being torn open and some more rustling before Alan spread her legs apart. Minako barely had time to catch her breath before he moved again.

She cried out in pain when she felt him push inside her, her fingernails digging into his back. The reaction seemed to be painful for him as well, as his grip on her hips then briefly tightened to bruising force. She arched her back and held on to him, trying not to use too much strength. He continued to push into her, and the pain wasn't getting better, wasn't it supposed to get better? A tear rolled down her cheek as he began to increase his speed. Minako almost asked him to stop, but decided not to at the last minute, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly.

She wasn't sure whether or not that she was thankful when it ended shortly thereafter.

All too soon, Alan was asleep (or perhaps unconscious) beside her, his arm a weight on her bare stomach. As Minako looked down, she realised she was still wearing her skirt, and that she was dizzy with a combination of his proximity and dissatisfaction. She wanted to curl up on her side, but at first it was too painful to move. After about twenty minutes, Minako was able to roll over, moving Alan's arm enough so that he was almost holding her. She rested her forehead on his chest and forced herself to fall asleep.

She didn't want to think about what she'd just done yet. That could wait until the morning.

Coming Soon - Part Six: Découverte


	7. Part Six: Découverte

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Six: Découverte - The Trespasses Against Her  
7/10  
by Kihin Ranno

Sometimes, when people wake up in a strange room, they do not immediately know where they are. They are surprised, even confused by their unfamiliar surroundings. They sit up and try to remember where they were, how they got here, and what happened before they went to sleep. More often than not, they are successful at remembering, though sometimes they wished they hadn't. Still, for a few moments, these people have no recollection of whatever transpired the day before, and these moments are likely the best they will experience for some time.

Minako did not get those few moments.

She woke up in the same position she'd fallen asleep in, Alan's breath hot in her ear. She tried not to inhale too deeply, though she didn't see how his morning breath could do any serious damage to what promised to be a very bad day. She began to sit up, trying not to wake him up, but stopped suddenly when she felt an uncomfortable pain between her legs. Tears pricked at her eyes almost immediately as she began to wake up enough to fully appreciate what she had done.

She'd slept with one of her best friends. He happened to be married to another of her best friends. And if their marriage hadn't been ruined before, it certainly was now.

Before she could stop herself, she let out a strangled sob. It was obviously louder than she would have liked it to be, as Alan stirred at the sound. She'd thought that it would be best to leave before he woke up. It was likely in very bad form, but then having sex with him hadn't been the most polite thing to do either. Now that he was waking up, Minako felt no qualms about shoving his arm off of her and scrambling out of the bed. She found her underwear and her blouse on the floor almost immediately, but her bra was not within her field of vision. That only made her feel worse, so she moved faster to circumvent her emotion.

"Mina?" Alan mumbled sleepily, groaning in pain. He was probably hung over, but she couldn't help but be resentful of any indication that he was in pain. She felt that she should at least be allowed the monopoly on that, though she didn't deserve anything else. "Where are you--"

"Away," Minako answered, her voice trembling and already on the verge of hysteria. Her underwear was on, but she still couldn't remember where her bra was. She felt even more humiliated and exposed just standing there, but the last thing she wanted to do was leave it behind. She covered her chest with her blouse and began to tear through the covers on the bed to locate it. "Away from you, from this flat from this... bed, everything."

Alan looked at her for a moment before holding up his hand. "Mina, calm down."

"Calm down?" she said, nearly shouting. She mouthed at him for a moment before she managed to force out, "You want me to calm down!"

"Yes," Alan said simply, his tone infuriatingly rational.

Minako stared at him. She'd often felt that he unintentionally flaunted his superiority when she was younger, though he hadn't done that at all during her present trip, not that she could see. But she felt like he was doing it now, though a part of her knew she was just upset and irrational. Still she couldn't stop herself from yelling at him. "Alan, we had sex!"

He swallowed, finally having the decency to look guilty, dropping his gaze for a minute. "I know," he whispered.

"And you're married! To Katarina-onee-sama!" Minako shouted desperately, momentarily falling into the Japanese honorific. She couldn't say that it had been intentional because she couldn't remember ever wanting to feel so nauseous before. She swallowed as a precaution before continuing. "I slept with my best friend's husband!" She shook her head, turning back to the bed and tearing it apart as much as she could without exposing any of Alan's body. She didn't think she could handle seeing that. "I am the worst sort of woman imaginable."

Alan looked pained at her insult, which Minako would have found quite hilarious in any other circumstance. "Mina--"

"I am the worst of the worst sort of woman," Minako went on, not paying Alan any attention. "I'm different from most people. I'm... a soldier. I'm supposed to be this champion of love and justice. I'm supposed to help people. I'm supposed to do the right thing. And... screwing you was not the right thing."

Alan seemed hurt by her words, though he was also clearly frustrated with himself for taking what she was saying to heart. "So you regret it?"

"No!" Minako shouted, throwing the covers back down on the bed with one hand while clutching her breasts and her shirt tightly with the other. "No, I don't regret it! And I should, because what I did was wrong, but I can't regret it because I wanted it! I wanted it even though I shouldn't have, and even though I've hurt Katarina in the worst way possible, and where the hell is my _fucking_ bra!"

Alan glanced around as she began to completely break down, tears streaming down her face. He found it quickly, as it was on his side of the room. He quickly handed it to her, hoping that would soothe her a little. All it really did was remind Minako of her humiliation and her transgression against Katarina. She whirled around, dropping her blouse and quickly attempting to put her bra back on. But it kept getting twisted in her haste and she couldn't find the hooks. She began to sob even harder in frustration, stamping her foot like a child.

She felt like a child. Only a child gave in to desires so easily. Alan had been wrong about her. She wasn't mature at all.

She heard Alan shift on the bed. "Do you want me to help you with--"

"No!" Minako shouted, and the idea of him touching her again seemed to be enough to steady her hands. She was afraid of what would happen if he got too close again. She sniffed and reached back down for her blouse. She didn't even pause to make sure the whole thing was closed properly before heading for the bedroom door. "I'm leaving."

Unfortunately, she walked a bit too briskly, and stopped to cry out in pain, bending at the waist. A few more tears fell out of her eyes as she realized that ache wasn't about to go any time soon. As if she wasn't mortified enough.

She heard Alan get up and pull on a pair of pants, rushing over to her. "Mina, what is it?" When he saw the look on her face, he seemed to understand, his face going white. "I hurt you."

"Yes," Minako said, sounding bitter, though not exactly angry at him. After all, it was just as much her fault. There was no sense blaming him. "Don't feel bad. I'm told that... happens the first time."

It was Alan's turn to look ill, as if somehow this made him more aware of what they had done. "It was your..." He couldn't quite get the rest of the sentence out.

"Yes," Minako repeated, sniffling.

Alan looked back towards the bed. "But there's no--"

"Oh, honestly, Alan. As if that means anything anymore," Minako muttered, glancing down at her blouse. The popped button was in quite possibly the worst place imaginable - right at the center of her cleavage. It puckered and exposed her even more, making her wish that it was not the middle of summer so that she could have brought a coat.

Alan swallowed hard, looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry, I... God, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Minako told him, wiping furiously at her eyes. "It's not entirely your fault. We were both complete idiots." That said, she stalked into the living room carefully, not wanting to aggravate any injuries unless she had to.

It was several moments before Alan followed her into the living room. "Mina, wait."

"No," Minako repeated gravely.

"How are you going to get back to the hotel?" Alan asked. "I should drive you--"

"I'll take the walk of shame, thank you," Minako said, moving closer to the door. "At least until I can hail a cab. I have enough money."

Alan sighed, coming to a halt in the middle of the room. "Minako, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh, I did plenty wrong, Alan," Minako countered.

"You just did what felt right!" Alan said. "You might have made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you did something terribly wrong!"

"I fail to see the distinction," Minako muttered, bending over and picking up her shoes and bag. "You know, back home, we're always going on about following our hearts. Now I see why Ami and Mamoru use their heads. The heart will lead you into the bed of your sister's husband."

Alan looked up, sucking on his bottom lip for a moment. "I meant what I said, Mina." He waited, probably expecting her to pause, but he wasn't rewarded. "About ending it with Katarina."

"I hope you'll be happy," Minako said sincerely, genuinely hoping both of them could be happy after the damage she had done. "But that doesn't mean you'll get a repeat performance."

Now Alan was genuinely insulted. "God, Mina! That wasn't what I meant at all! I was just trying to--"

"What?" Minako interrupted, her voice still raw from her continued crying. "Make me feel like less of a whore?" She shook her head, clutching at her purse. "Too late for that."

"You're not a whore!" Alan shouted.

Minako shook her head violently. "How can you be so rational! How can you sit there and tell me that I'm not a horrible person after what we did? We betrayed Katarina. You didn't even take your wedding ring off, and you're standing there telling me that there's nothing wrong with us having sex when--"

"It was a mistake!" Alan reiterated, the volume of his voice rising.

"No," Minako hissed through clenched teeth. "Breaking a window is a mistake. Ruining a marriage... that's beyond the pale."

Alan threw up his hands. "It was already ruined!" he said. "You didn't do anything but step on broken glass!"

"I should have tried to fix it," Minako answered, her voice tight. "But instead I made sure that it could never be mended."

Alan looked at her for a moment, searching for something that could be said to make her feel better. Eventually, he realized that such words did not exist. His lower lip jerked sharply. "I just wanted to be happy," Alan said softly, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. "Is that such a bad thing?"

Minako looked at him for a long moment before finally spitting out her answer.

"Yes."

Then she walked out the door, hoping she would never have to walk back in again.

-----

After leaving Alan's flat, Minako had a hell of a time hailing a cab. She'd never been particularly skilled at it to begin with, and it was made worse by the fact that she couldn't seem to stop crying and thus could neither see nor think straight. She eventually managed it, and when she got back to the hotel, Minako could think of nothing else she wanted to do but take an endless shower and crawl into bed.

Three days, seven showers, and some fifty hours of sleep later, she was still miserable, still dirty, and still entirely unsure of what she was going to do.

After all, she'd never paid attention to how the other woman reacted in the movies she'd seen. She'd been far too busy hating her for ruining everyone's life to connect with her emotionally. So, rather than try and puzzle it out for herself, Minako did absolutely nothing, wallowing in her guilt.

She did occasionally consider going back to Tokyo, but the thought of doing that seemed to be worse than any other idea she came up with during those three days.

Minako didn't know how she was going to face any of the girls again after what she'd done. Not only had she ruined her friendship with Alan and Katarina, but she also felt like she had done significant damage to her relationships in Tokyo. She knew that the others were going to be so disappointed in her. She didn't want to face Ami's embarrassment for her, Rei's anger, Makoto's disapproval, and worst of all, Usagi's pity. She didn't know how she was going to be able to look them or anyone else in the eye ever again. It would just be hardest with them.

To make matters worse, Alan had been calling a lot. Almost nonstop. She'd made the mistake of answering the first time, hanging up before he could get out three syllables. As a result, she hadn't dared to answer the phone since then. She knew that Usagi and the others were probably among the scads of calls she was getting. They were probably worried sick about her, but Minako was too afraid that it was Alan, or worse, Katarina on the other end. She couldn't handle hearing their voices, not after what had happened.

It wasn't that she had held herself up to an impossible standard or that she didn't expect herself to screw up from time to time. Minako had never considered herself a saint. She had done some pretty rotten things in her time when it came to love. She had two-timed, tried to sneak mutual crushes out from under Makoto's nose, and done any amount of underhanded things for the sake of attachment. She was all but ruthless in the love department, taking that adage she couldn't repeat correctly about love and war to heart.

But one thing she had always promised herself she would never do was become involved with a man in a serious, committed relationship. Especially if he was married. She had never wanted to intentionally become the other woman. It was destructive and malicious, and it went against everything she believed in about true love.

She had broken that promise to herself. She had done the worst thing she could to two of the best people she had ever known. She'd sensed vulnerability and opportunity, and she'd taken that opportunity even when she knew it was wrong. She had become the bad guy, the one person she had never wanted to become.

The problem was that Minako didn't feel hateful. She just felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and replaced with lead.

Following that insight, Minako was surprised to hear someone knocking at the door. She sat up in bed for a moment, staring at the entryway in bemusement. She'd left strict instructions with the desk to not send anyone up unless she called for room service or fresh towels. They'd heard from her considerably more concerning the latter than the former. She couldn't think of any reason for anyone from the hotel to knock on her door.

That left her with one possibility. "Alan," Minako muttered, narrowing her gaze. She almost yelled for him to go away, but she decided that it was probably best for her just to pretend that there was no one in the room. He might not actually believe it, but hopefully he would take the hint and go back to his home. She stretched back out on her bed and waited for him to leave.

He knocked again just as soon as she had settled down against the pillows.

Naturally, this was a bit more forceful than the first time. Once again, Minako gave no indication that anyone was there. She merely rolled over, turning her back to the front of her room. She curled up into a ball and whispered, "I'm not home."

A full five minutes of this passed. Alan seemed to be waiting every few seconds to knock, increasing his intensity each time. Finally, Minako became convinced that he was actually kicking the door. His stubborn streak was kicking in, and it seemed that he would stop at nothing in order to see her.

Rather than have to pay the hotel any damages, Minako jumped out of bed and stalked to the door, fully prepared to let him have it for bothering her and send him back to his wife. She would simultaneously be attempting not to go on another crying jag or be sick all over the place, so she wasn't quite sure how successful she would be.

Minako grabbed hold of the doorknob and undid the various and sundry locks on her door, trying to keep her hands from shaking. She sighed and pulled it open, glaring, "All right! What do you--"

It was at that moment that Minako realized that there was one other person who knew where she was staying, and that person was in an infinitely worse position than Alan was.

"Katarina," Minako forced out, hoping she didn't sound as guilty and panicked as she felt.

"What took you so long?" Katarina asked, putting a hand on her hip.

"I..." Minako started, staring at Katarina like she was looking into the headlights of an oncoming car. "Sorry. I was sleeping."

Katarina frowned, looking Minako up and down. "In the middle of the day? Are you sick?"

Minako wanted to say that she wasn't just sick, she was a vile excuse for a human being, but she decided that it wouldn't be appropriate. After a moment, Minako nodded, trying to force herself to look away from Katarina but still finding herself unable to. "I think so."

Now worried about her, Katarina pushed her way into the hotel room, the back of her hand flush against Minako's forehead. "Well, sweetie, why didn't you call me and let me know?"

Minako had thought that she couldn't possibly feel any guiltier about what had happened with Alan. She had even hoped that she couldn't feel guiltier about it because she was quite sure that any more of it would crush her like paper.

Unfortunately, having Katarina fret over her like a truly caring friend did manage to make Minako feel worse, though it didn't crush her quite as literally as she'd thought. She felt tears sting at her eyes, but she fought them back desperately. The last thing she needed was for Katarina to see and ask her why she was crying. Minako was afraid that in a moment of hysteria she might actually tell her what happened, and Minako didn't want to hurt Katarina that way.

Admittedly, Minako had been foolishly hoping that she would never have to actually face Katarina or Alan after what had happened. Of course, that would have been more effective if she had left Paris and gone back to Tokyo or moved on to some other French or English speaking country, but she had retained that dream nonetheless. Now that Katarina was there, Minako knew that Katarina could never know what had happened under her own roof. If her marriage was indeed over, Minako didn't want Katarina to know that she had played any part in it. Minako didn't want that on her friend's mind, and selfishly, Minako didn't want to lose her as a friend. Surely she'd be able to look at her without crying eventually.

Thankfully, Katarina seemed to be paying more attention to her possible fever than Minako's eyes so it was of no consequence. "You've been busy, and I didn't want to bother you," Minako murmured after a moment.

"Alan could have helped," Katarina offered.

Minako closed her eyes, sniffing. "No, actually. I don't think he could have."

Katarina considered this for a moment before chuckling. "You're right. He is rather helpless at taking care of other people, isn't he?" Before Minako could answer, Katarina moved her hand, smoothing Minako's bangs down. "Well, I don't think you have a fever at any rate. Did you have a stomach bug?"

"I haven't had enough of an appetite for that," Minako admitted truthfully. She swallowed, wanting nothing more than to make Katarina go away. Perhaps Minako would be able to be around her at some point, but she couldn't possibly face Katarina then or any other time in the near future. Her stomach was in knots and she didn't know how she had been able to keep herself from crying for that long without Katarina noticing. She chewed her lip for a moment and said, "But you never know, I could still be contagious. You should probably--"

"Go? Oh, don't be ridiculous," Katarina interrupted smoothly. "You know my immune system. I haven't been sick since I was in primary school."

"Is that right?" Minako said uncomfortably.

"Yes, I'm the... picture of health," Katarina said, hesitating for a moment.

Minako knew exactly why she had paused. She clenched her fists at her sides, wanting to say something to comfort her friend but remaining silent. After all, she wasn't even supposed to know about what had happened with the baby or that Alan and Katarina were having any real problems. Besides, Katarina would not have wanted her comfort if she knew the truth.

"Well, I bet I know what's wrong with you," Katarina continued, her tone considerably brighter. Minako noticed that her smile was a bit strained and that her crow's feet seemed more pronounced than the last time she had seen Katarina. "I wouldn't have an appetite either with nothing but room service to choose from. Why don't we go out for a bit?"

Minako shook her head adamantly. She would have rather faced another apocalypse than an outing with Katarina. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

Katarina looked sad, reaching forward and grabbing Minako's wrists. The younger girl was slightly surprised that the touch didn't burn her flesh. "Oh, but this is my first day off in what feels like ages! And I've been missing you, terribly."

Minako looked down at the ground, taking deep breaths to relieve the pain in her chest. "I've missed you too," she whispered truthfully, wanting nothing more than to throw her arms around Katarina and cry like a baby.

"Well, that's it's settled then," Katarina said cheerfully. "You get changed and then we'll go out and get some real food in you. And maybe we'll do some window shopping as well. I'm sure Alan hasn't shown you anything that exciting."

Minako winced involuntarily, but Katarina didn't see as she turned Minako around, pushing her in the direction of her wardrobe. Minako quickly realized that she had absolutely no choice in what was going to happen. Like it or not, she was about to spend the afternoon with the woman she had betrayed.

She almost wondered if things could get worse, but she stopped herself just in time. The events that worsened such situations always coincided with such thoughts. Minako didn't think she could handle anything else without completely breaking down.

-----

Some time later, Minako and Katarina were sitting at one of Paris's small, corner cafés. Even though part of the reason to get Minako out was to make her eat, she still didn't have an appetite, so she declined anything more than water. Thankfully, it didn't stop Katarina from eating, and she didn't scold Minako about it for very long.

"You know," Katarina began after they had been sitting in somewhat awkward silence for a time. "I really can't thank you enough for getting Alan off of the sofa lately."

Minako clenched her first beneath the table, trying very hard not to wince. She wanted to look up and see if Katarina could tell that her heart was racing, threatening to break right out of her chest. Katarina didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, apparently too busy pushing her food around her plate. "I... don't think it's anything you need to be thanking me for."

"No, really," Katarina insisted. "He's been absolutely insufferable recently. I mean, you know how moody he can be." Katarina gestured at Minako with her free hand, prompting her for an answer.

"I have some idea," Minako said quietly, shifting in her seat.

"He's always been that way, but it's been worse since..." Katarina started to say something, but trailed off into silence quickly. Minako almost wished that Katarina would tell her about the miscarriage because then at least she would have an excuse for her gloominess. But a moment or two passed without Katarina admitting to that part of her history. She shook her head and said, "I don't know. It feels like forever now. I know that my getting transferred here made the situation worse."

Minako nodded, drumming her fingers on her kneecaps. In any other situation on any other day, Minako would have been able to at least attempt to cheerfully turn the conversation in another direction. However, she couldn't even muster up the energy or the courage for a fake smile. She couldn't handle that complex a charade. Not while she was feeling like this.

Katarina sighed, furrowing her brow. "I suppose it's partly my own fault. I accepted it without even speaking to him about it. I just... thought we could use the change." She frowned, leaning on her palm. "I suppose all I really did was make things worse." She glanced up at Minako, smiling grimly. "I'm sure you've noticed that things have been strained."

Minako had absolutely no idea what to say to that that wouldn't result in her crumbling. So she took a long sip of her water and shrugged her shoulders, hoping that would be enough.

"That's been going on for some time now," Katarina admitted, tucking some stray locks of hair behind her ear. "I started working more, seeing Alan less, and... Well, I haven't been wanting to see Alan much to be honest."

Minako winced and wrapped an arm around her stomach.

Again, Katarina didn't seem to notice. "I'm sorry to bring all of this up now. It's just... Well, we had a terrible row the other night. I walked out. Came back the next day, but even so. I'm... thinking that maybe it's time to throw in the towel."

"On your marriage?" Minako asked, her mouth working against her other instincts. She was the last person Katarina should be speaking to about this, but she didn't know how to impart that without revealing what had happened. So she could do nothing but try and act normally.

Katarina nodded sadly. "I know. I'm horrible, aren't I? He just needs more of my attention, but... I don't really want to give it to him."

Minako's eyes softened, her fingers playing with the hem of her skirt. She couldn't help but be a little frustrated with Katarina now that she was hearing all of this, but mostly she just felt sorry for the whole lot of them. Katarina wanted nothing to do with Alan, Alan just wanted attention from his wife, and when that failed, he'd turned to Minako, the girl who had loved him and given up her life in London just so he could be with Katarina in the first place. She thought that Shakespeare would probably very much enjoy watching this tragedy if he were able to.

"Do you need anything from him?" Minako asked.

Katarina seemed surprised by this question, as if she had never before considered it. After a moment, she said, "You know, I used to look forward to seeing him every day. He could be so funny and charming. And sweet. People used to be jealous of me because I had such an adoring husband, but now... Now I'm the one jealous of all the other couples." She paused, licking her lips. "I used to need that from him. The levity and the attention. But now he isn't happy and he doesn't seem to notice much, if anything."

Minako couldn't help but think that he might be happier if Katarina made the effort. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and said, "Have you tried talking to him about it? Or maybe... getting help?"

Katarina scoffed. "Marriage counselors. What do they know? I'm the one that's in the marriage."

"Are you?" Minako asked, slightly horrified at what she was saying. "Are either of you in it anymore?"

Katarina looked at her, surprised at the accusation. Then her face relaxed and she let out a quiet sigh. "I suppose we aren't. We're just... living under the same roof and there's a piece of paper that says we're husband and wife. But that doesn't make us married, does it?"

Minako looked up, her eyes bright with sincerity. A part of her thought that she should just keep quiet, but she didn't seem to be able to do that anymore.

"Katarina, I want you and Alan to be happy. More than anything. I know that you two were so desperately in love before. I could tell when I was thirteen, for crying out loud! When I was a... child." Minako's voice broke oddly, but she cleared her throat directly afterwards to mask the fact that she was feeling overwhelmed. "I don't want to believe that you've become... disinterested in him. I don't want to believe that you can be this apathetic."

Katarina stared at Minako now, her gaze alarmingly calm. A moment passed in silence before Katarina said, "Something happened, Minako. Something that I... don't want to talk about."

Minako nodded in understanding, prompting Katarina to continue.

"It ruined everything," Katarina said. "It completely destroyed us. He couldn't handle it, and I... disagreed with him on how I was taking it. It's just got worse over time, and since we've been here, it's become clear that there's nothing to be done about it."

Minako couldn't help but be alarmed at how completely detached Katarina sounded. She had been speaking in the same matter-of-fact tone all afternoon, but Minako was just beginning to notice how emotionless it sounded. It was like her friend had completely severed herself from emotion in order to cope. It scared her.

"So you're just going to give up like there's no hope?" Minako asked, feeling absolutely wretched.

Katarina glanced down. "I'm not sure I care enough to find out if there is."

Minako openly gaped at Katarina, and in that moment, a lot of her anger about what had happened dissolved away. She felt intense sympathy for Alan. She couldn't imagine how it must have felt to have his wife act like a distant acquaintance, if that. Especially considering how affectionate and kind both of them had been before any of this had happened.

And she felt the same for Katarina as well. The woman had always been so self-sufficient, so collected, so completely under control, and all of those attributes had conspired to harm her. She had lost a child and now she was losing her marriage, but for the sake of seeming strong, she refused to acknowledge that it upset her.

Minako had taken it for granted that Alan and Katarina would always be together. Now she could see that there was no way their relationship could survive. And whether or not the information of Minako and Alan's tryst came out, nothing was going to change. The three of them were never going to be the same again.

"Excuse me," Minako whispered suddenly, pushing her chair back.

Katarina looked up, a little startled by the movement. "Aren't you feeling well?"

"I'm fine," Minako lied, struggling to keep her voice steady. "The water just... runs right through me."

With that, Minako got to her feet and walked inside the café to locate the bathroom. She walked towards the back and was relieved to find that it would only house one person. She stepped in, locked the door behind her, and immediately dropped to the ground, feeling that her legs could not hold her up anymore. She covered her mouth immediately to muffle the sound of her crying.

She mourned on that bathroom floor for what must have been ten minutes before

Katarina came to find her. She mourned the death of a marriage, the death of a baby, and the death of three friendships she had played a hand in destroying.

-----

Afterwards, Katarina didn't believe that Minako was in good health and all but dragged Minako back into the apartment in hopes of cheering her up or curing her or something along those lines. Minako had tried to convince her that she was fine or that she should at least be left alone at her hotel, but Katarina seemed to think that being alone was the last thing Minako needed at that moment. While that might have been true, Katarina's flat was the last place Minako needed to be. And Alan was the last person she needed to talk to.

Minako didn't know how she kept herself from being violently ill as she crossed the threshold, but she managed it somehow. She locked her elbows to keep her arms and hands from shaking, straining to remain steady on her feet. She also kept her mouth closed just in case.

"Alan!" Katarina called out, attempting to induce some warmth into the announcement and failing. "We're home!"

He sat up from his usual position on the couch, confused by her use of the word 'we.' His eyes widened in shock when they focused on Minako. She didn't know if it was because he hadn't expected to see her again or because he'd wanted to see her again. She didn't want to know.

"I'm going to go see if we have anything to settle your stomach," Katarina said kindly, not noticing or perhaps subconsciously ignoring the tension in the room. "I'll be back in a moment. Don't get into trouble while I'm gone!" she joked.

Neither Alan nor Minako turned to watch Katarina leave the room, far too absorbed with studying the other party. Minako's stomach was doing its usual flip-flopping at the sight of him, though it wasn't nearly as pleasant as she recalled. Minako noticed that Alan was letting his beard grow back in, and she was quite sure that he hadn't moved from the couch for quite some time. She also thought that he looked very tired and very sad. And while looking at him did make her more sympathetic, it also brought back the anger she had pushed aside over lunch with Katarina.

"You're sick?" he asked, somewhat awkwardly.

"You're surprised at that?" she countered, her voice tight.

He glanced down, swallowing. "I didn't think you would come back after--"

"I didn't have a choice," Minako hissed, feeling a little panicky. "And keep your voice down if you insist on talking about this."

Alan pulled himself up from the couch and walked over to her. "Mina, I've been calling you."

"I know," Minako replied. "I almost disconnected the phone yesterday."

"I was worried!" Alan whispered loudly, his eyes wide.

Minako knew that he was telling the truth, but she couldn't bring herself to apologize. "I didn't want to talk to you, I didn't want to talk to anyone! I thought it was you at the door when Katarina knocked."

"I thought about it, but I assumed you'd throw me out," Alan said.

"I would have," Minako responded, her voice trembling. "Alan, I have never felt so badly about anything in my life."

Alan sighed and ran a hand through his unwashed hair. "How do you think I feel?"

"I think you're accustomed to misery," Minako spat, dabbing at her eyes in frustration. "And I think you still don't understand what we've done. I'm not sure you ever will."

Alan was about to respond, perhaps try and soothe her again, when they suddenly heard an outraged scream in the bedroom. They both turned in the direction of the cry, fervently hoping that the cause was a dead rat.

They weren't that lucky. Katarina emerged from the bedroom moments later, absolutely white with rage. She held out something in her outstretched hand and spat, "Alan, what the **hell** is this?"

It took Minako a minute to realize what it was, but judging by the look on Alan's face, he knew right off. She had to squint for a minute, but it eventually dawned on her.

It was a torn open condom wrapper.

"You'd better have a bloody good explanation for this," Katarina said, her voice shaking with anger.

And for the third time in Minako's life, her heart came to a complete stop.

Coming Soon - Part Seven: Les Vies Brisées


	8. Part Seven: Les Vies Brisées

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Seven: Les Vies Brisées - The Bonds that Should Not Break  
8/10  
by Kihin Ranno

Minako was very glad that she wasn't holding anything breakable. The entire apartment had hard floors, and if she had been holding anything breakable, she was quite sure that she would have dropped it. She didn't want to be responsible for ruining anything else under Katarina's roof.

Alan moved away from Minako, being very careful not to look back at her while he was walking towards Katarina. He held up both of his hands, doing everything very slowly, as if his wife were some wild beast who would leap upon him if he made a wrong move. Minako had to admit that it was probably a rather apt comparison. After all, this was the most passion Katarina had shown in quite some time. She had been cold up to that moment, and while Minako couldn't help but feel some relief that Katarina could still feel, it did nothing to make her feel better.

Minako also couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a trace of grief in Katarina's aspect. There was nothing but righteous indignation, and while Minako was hardly an expert at this sort of thing, she thought that such a reaction was… wrong somehow. Then again, maybe Katarina had already done her grieving for her marriage. Maybe anger was the only thing left that she could feel. And maybe it was better that way.

"Katarina," Alan began. "I--"

"Who is she?" Katarina demanded, her grey-blue eyes frosting over until they resembled how Minako thought the world would look when it froze over.

Minako felt her stomach tighten in panic. She hadn't wanted Katarina to find out about that night at all, but now she knew that something had happened, Minako didn't want to think her reaction if it somehow came out that it had been Minako, one of her best friends. Minako didn't know if Katarina would become an emotional wreck or if she would cut herself off from it again. All Minako knew was that she didn't want to find out.

She wanted to drop dead on their kitchen floor and have her body spontaneously explode in a shower of dust. It was as much as she deserved. Maybe it was more than she deserved after what she'd done. She couldn't be certain of exactly what "the other woman" deserved in these types of situations. All she could be sure of was that her lungs seemed to be getting smaller while her heart got heavier.

Alan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. It was probably to calm himself down, but it only seemed to make Katarina more upset. It was likely the same thing he had done before he suggested she go see a counselor. "It doesn't matter who it was. It--"

"It doesn't mater?" Katarina repeated, her teeth clenched. "The hell it doesn't! I want to know who you brought into our home and... slept with in **our bed**!"

Minako stared at the two of them in disbelief, though her eyes were almost exclusively focused on Alan. He was actually protecting her. He wasn't going to tell Katarina who it was. He'd made his decision, and he was going to stand by it no matter what Katarina threatened him with. Even in the chaos, Minako couldn't help but be touched. After all, no one had ever protected her before.

_Our_ bed?" Alan asked, sounding genuinely surprised and breaking Minako out of her reverie. "I've never slept in that bed while you were in it, Katarina. You've had me on the sofa ever since we came here, and for the better part of a year while we were still in London; but when I sleep with someone else, suddenly it's _our_ bed?"

Katarina curled her fists at her sides. "Well, I wouldn't have had to kick you out if you'd managed to keep your hands to yourself!"

Minako winced, knowing that she should have offered to leave, but she couldn't move. She was frozen in place so thoroughly that she wasn't sure if a sudden earthquake would have managed to knock her over. It was like watching a train wreck, but even more morbidly fascinating, because she'd caused it.

"I never tried to force you into anything," Alan said, obviously insulted. "If I ever laid a hand on you it was because I was trying to comfort you."

"I didn't want your comfort," Katarina snapped. "And I didn't need it, either."

"Would it have been so horrible to just admit that you were in pain and you needed help?" Alan asked, though Minako was sure that he had posed this question to his wife on several occasions before.

Katarina glared and said, "Yes. It would have."

"Why?" Alan asked, his temper rising. "Why is it so terrible to admit that you're human, that you're vulnerable?"

"Because I'm not vulnerable, Alan!" Katarina shouted. "I've never been one of those weak-minded sobbing idiots who need to depend on other people for support. I'm perfectly capable of coping on my own."

"That doesn't make you weak!" Alan countered.

"The hell it doesn't!" Katarina snapped back.

"For God's sake, Katarina! You're my wife! You're allowed to turn to your husband on occasion!" Alan cried out in disbelief.

"What good would that have done?" Katarina asked, her voice like acid. "You were the one who got sullen and depressed when it happened, just like you always do. How could you have possibly helped me?"

Alan was hurt, and Minako could tell from his posture that he was trying very hard not to show it. "Of course I was upset, Katarina! Of course I was depressed! You'd just lost a baby! What the hell was I supposed to do? Act like nothing had happened? Completely disconnect from everything and everyone, like you did? No, _I_ behaved normally. You were the one who didn't handle it!"

Katarina tore her gaze away from Alan and looked back at Minako in horror. She stammered for a moment, her face paling as if embarrassed at being exposed.

And even though she had no right to feel it, Minako couldn't help but be hurt by the knowledge that Katarina had never wanted her to know what happened. If she had been told earlier, she might have been able to help. Katarina might not have thought so, obviously still thinking of Minako as a child no matter what terms they had come to four years earlier, but she could have tried. At least then someone would have been there for her, and maybe then she would have accepted what had happened.

Minako glanced down at the ground in shame. Regardless of when she had found out, she should have tried to help. She'd done nothing but make matters worse and she didn't know how anyone she knew, least of all herself, could ever forgive that.

"Don't bother," Alan said before Katarina could force any words from her lips. "She knows."

Katarina's eyes widened, shooting back over to Alan. "You told her?" She glanced back at Minako and asked, "You knew? You knew what I was talking about, and you didn't say anything?"

"Yes," Alan said harshly, preventing Minako from having to panic about having to talk to Katarina about their conversation. For that, she was grateful. "Just like I should have done when it happened. I should have told her and made her talk some sense into you. You might have actually listened to her. You don't think _she's_ weak."

Minako bit her lip so hard that she was afraid her teeth might pierce the skin. She didn't want to be witness to this, but now she had no choice. Now Katarina knew she was a part of it, though she had no idea just how big it was.

"I don't think you're weak," Katarina snapped.

"But you do think you're stronger than I am," Alan responded. "You think that you're better than I am."

Katarina closed her eyes, annoyed that she was being attacked in a situation where she ought to have been faultless. "Alan--"

"No, you do," Alan interrupted. "I don't know if you've always felt that way, but that's certainly how you feel now. I can see it when you look at me. Every time you look at me." He shook his head, his pain evident in his voice. "I always knew that I didn't deserve you, Katarina. But that doesn't mean that I enjoyed being treated like dirt."

Katarina shook her head adamantly and shouted at him with her full voice, taking both Minako and Alan by surprise. "I just wanted to be left alone! And you wouldn't! You just... you kept insisting that I was crazy, that something was wrong with me when I was--"

"You are not 'fine'!" Alan insisted. "You were not fine when it happened, and just because you kept saying that, it did not make it true."

"I kept going," Katarina retorted. "I picked up the pieces and I moved on with my life. That does not mean I was insane."

"I never said that you were," Alan replied, sounding very tired.

Katarina didn't believe him. "You kept trying to ship me off to some shrink. Like I couldn't handle it by myself. But I could!"

"You didn't handle anything!" Alan exploded. "You just ignored it, Katarina! You never acknowledged that an issue existed; you just pushed it aside and worked, because you refuse to admit when you need help. God forbid that you actually show emotion once in awhile."

Katarina glared and hissed, "Well, acting on emotion is precisely the thing the sort of thing that leads to falling into bed with nameless women!"

Alan's hands curled into fists and Minako saw that his entire body was beginning to shake. Even Katarina seemed startled by the sight, jumping a bit when he finally let loose. "Well, what the hell do you expect, Katarina! You haven't let me touch you for the better part of a year! Are you actually surprised that I went looking for it elsewhere?"

Minako closed her eyes and felt them start to burn again. She knew he didn't mean that callously. He was just angry, and she really had no business being hurt by it. But it didn't change the fact that now she felt even worse than she had before.

Katarina seemed to be unsure whether she should be shocked, disgusted, or furious. She tried to find a balance between the three, but she was definitely leaning more towards the third option. "I cannot believe you are actually expecting me to sympathize with you when--"

"I am not asking for your pity!" Alan yelled, throwing out his arms. "I made a mistake, Katarina. And I've hurt you, and I'm sorry about that. All I am asking you to do is accept some responsibility for this."

"For your infidelity?" Katarina asked, outraged.

"For this... hell that we've disguised as a marriage!" Alan corrected, his ears coloring.

Katarina stared at him for a moment, her fingers curling up to form fists. She swallowed tightly and said, "Oh. I see. I've made your life hell, have I?"

Alan sighed, his shoulders sagging in defeat. "Katarina, that is not what I--"

"If I made your life so terrible, why did you stick around?" Katarina asked, throwing the wrapper at him. "You could have stayed in London. You could have filed for divorce."

"I didn't leave because..." Alan trailed off, perhaps trying to come up with a good reason himself. Minako couldn't know for sure since his back was to her. "Because I was hoping that maybe I could help for once, instead of always being the one to need help."

Now Katarina decided to show a great deal of disgust. "You wanted to **fix** me?"

"No!" Alan yelled. "I wanted not to feel completely useless around you!"

Katarina shook her head, looking a bit green. "And you saw my... my miscarriage as an opportunity."

Alan growled in frustration, burying his hands in his hair. "Why are you putting words into my mouth? That isn't what I said! That isn't what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?" Katarina demanded.

"I mean that I didn't want to abandon you after what happened," Alan snapped. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Katarina continued scowling, pursing her lips. "Did... 'doing the right thing' include doing some slut in our apartment?"

Minako folded her arms across her chest, looking down at the floor. She could not remember the last time she had felt so small. Nor could she remember ever feeling so guilty about the way she was feeling.

She noticed once again that Alan did not look at her. "Katarina, I didn't go and pick up some hooker off the street."

"Do you really expect me to believe that, Alan?" Katarina asked incredulously. "You don't know anyone around here. The only person who even knows your name is--" She gestured at Minako and stopped.

And at that moment, everyone was suddenly on the same page.

Minako's eyes shut as her shoulders sagged in defeat. Now Katarina knew. She knew what Minako had done, and any hope she might have had for things returning to normal was gone forever. She could feel Katarina's disappointment and her disbelief weighing down on her, and Minako wished that it would flatten her so that she wouldn't have to look up and see it in a few moments.

"Oh, my God," Katarina whispered in a broken voice, staring at Minako. She seemed more hurt by that realization than by finding out about Alan, which only made Minako feel worse. Not only for what that meant to her but what it meant to Alan. If his wife's feelings for him hadn't been clear to him before, they certainly were now. "Oh my... Oh, my God."

Alan turned around, apparently not having realized what his sentence had implied until it was too late. "Mina, I'm sorry, I--" Alan started, sounding about as guilty as Minako felt, and that was saying something.

Minako nodded, her fingers tightening around her forearms. She couldn't bring herself to speak with him. She didn't even want to look at him for fear of what might happen if she were confronted with his pain as well as her own.

"Minako..." Katarina said, her voice crack. "How... How could you?"

Minako stepped forward and tried to drag her gaze up from the floor, but she couldn't quite manage it, feeling the same fear for looking at her that she felt for looking at Alan. The anguish in the room was palpable and Minako felt like she was choking on it, like it was sucking all of the oxygen from the room. She blinked rapidly and said, "Katarina, I..." She sighed and forced out. "Please don't blame Alan."

She heard Alan move towards her, prompting Minako to take a step back again. "Mina, don't--"

"No," Minako said forcefully, stopping him with her voice. "You can say all you like about it being both of our faults, and maybe that's true. But I should be the one that she and everyone else gets to blame. You were... You were drunk and vulnerable, and I should have been responsible. I should have been the one to say no, and I didn't. So I should be the one to blame."

"I don't believe this," Katarina whispered, obviously trying not to cry. She would appear strong to the very last moment, no matter how much things had been destroyed. "I can't believe that you of all people..."

Minako screwed her eyes shut, causing two tears to slide down either cheek. "I'm so sorry, Katarina. I'm... so, _so_ sorry."

"You're sorry?" Katarina echoed, her voice quaking.

"Yes," Minako repeated so quietly that she was surprised Katarina didn't ask her to say it once more.

Katarina shook her head, not wanting to believe that all of the chaos that was going on around her was actually happening. Minako understood her feelings. It would be nice to suddenly wake up and discover that the past few days had been nothing but a horrible nightmare. But Minako wasn't sure that even nightmares could be this cruel.

"Why is this happening?" Katarina asked aloud, though she was posing the question to no one in particular. "Why did you do this to me?"

Minako licked her lips, hugging herself even tighter. "I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I--"

"If you didn't want to hurt me then you wouldn't have slept with my husband," Katarina said, still trying to keep her voice steady.

Minako nodded, knowing she was right. "It was a mistake, and it was wrong. I know that."

"Didn't you know that then?" Katarina demanded. "Or did you just refuse to think of me at all? Did you ignore your better judgment and just go ahead and do what felt good?"

Minako winced. "Katarina--"

"No, this is just like back in London!" Katarina hissed. "You compartmentalize. You go ahead and do things that you know are stupid and wrong and sometimes deadly, because you refuse to acknowledge that there will be consequences for your actions. And then yes, you feel terrible about what you did afterwards, but what does that matter? You still did it and you still ignored any part of you that told you to stop. I know you, Minako." Katarina stopped, pushing her lips together so tightly that they were as white as her face. "I know you."

Minako didn't know what to say to her after that. She knew that Katarina was right. She might have thought about Katarina initially, but the minute she had become engaged in what she was doing, she'd banished all thought of her. She'd told herself that she would think about Katarina later or maybe not at all, because if she had thought about it, she would have to stop. And she hadn't wanted to do that.

Then Alan, who had been wisely staying out of the women's conversation at that point, spoke up. "Katarina, why don't you calm down?"

Minako could hear Katarina's head snap in Alan's direction. "You want me to calm down? After what she's done?"

"She is your friend."

Katarina considered this statement for a moment before ultimately shaking her head in denial. "No. She isn't."

Minako's shoulders jerked but she held the tears back, though she would never be sure how. It was the worst thing Katarina could say or do to her, and the other woman knew it. Why else would she have said it?

"Katarina, don't be like this," Alan said gravely.

"Why not?" Katarina asked. "She brought this on herself. She knew better and she slept with you anyway. Am I supposed to just forgive and forget that?"

Alan knew better than to agree with that sentiment. "I'm just saying that she obviously feels terrible about it. There's no reason to rub it in."

Katarina scoffed, sniffling as discreetly as she could. "There is plenty of reason to rub it in."

"Don't you think she feels bad enough already? She loves you, Katarina," Alan said compellingly. "Don't throw that away just because she made a mistake."

"No, Alan. She doesn't love me," Katarina denied angrily. "She loves _you_. Or else she wouldn't have been so anxious to forget about me and fuck you."

Minako whimpered and cried out. "That isn't true! I love both of you! You know that!"

"Don't lie!" Katarina exclaimed. "You're still in love with him after all of these years, aren't you?"

Minako didn't know what to say to that. She didn't know whether or not it was actually true, but she certainly cared a great deal about Alan. And she had allowed herself to feel the way she'd felt when she was thirteen, childish as it had been. She'd been nervous and anxious around him, and things had felt right for the first time in what felt like years. She couldn't say she knew what any of that meant anymore, not when it was all mixed up with shame and guilt and anger and so many other feelings that were quickly getting out of control.

"I don't know," Minako finally admitted. "I don't know."

That seemed to signal an end to the conversation. Katarina offered no more accusations and Alan could not come to her defence any more. The three of them stood there in the middle of the mess with only the sound of Minako's labored breathing to prevent complete quiet. For a minute, no one knew what to do or say to the others. There was too potent a mix of love and hatred in the room to be certain of any action.

"Get out," Katarina finally said, breaking the silence.

"Katarina--" Alan started.

"Get out of my house, Minako," Katarina repeated coldly.

Minako waited a moment before nodding; then she turned to go, trembling. She had expected nothing less from Katarina. She could tell that Alan reached out for her at one point, but Minako was too quick for him. She spurned his comfort, just like his wife had done, though Minako's motivations were vastly different. She wasn't trying to be strong; she knew she was weak. Just like she knew she didn't deserve the solace.

And as quickly as she had wrecked it, Minako left their home. This time she knew it was for good.

Coming Soon - Part Eight: La Connaissance


	9. Part Eight: La Connaissance

La Lumière d'Amour  
Part Eight: La Connaissance - The Home that Waits  
9/10  
by Kihin Ranno

When Minako got back to her hotel room, she walked straight into the bathroom. She didn't even have time to pull the door closed behind her before she began to vomit violently. There wasn't much in her stomach, so much of it was dry heaving, but it still left her feeling drained and hollow by the time she was finished. Then she lay down on the tiles and didn't move for a very long time.

She wasn't sure whether or not she fell asleep, but she knew that she fell into some sort of unconscious state at that time. She could be certain of this only because of how she was brought out of it. She suddenly became cognizant of the sound of her phone ringing filling the small space of her room.

Minako wasn't sure what exactly prompted her to pick herself up off the floor and walk into the main room to answer it, but she did. She didn't even croak out a hoarse greeting before the person on the other end began talking, speaking in a language Minako hadn't heard in weeks.

"Minako? Minako are you there?"

"Usagi..." Minako whispered in disbelief, almost too softly for the other girl to hear it across the sea. She didn't know whether she was relieved or dismayed by the sound of Usagi's voice. She didn't know if she could feel anything at all.

Usagi breathed a sigh of relief, her anxious tone no longer present. "Minako, thank goodness! We've been trying to reach you for the past couple days, but you haven't been answering your phone. Was it broken or something? Oh, well. It doesn't really matter. It's just nice to hear your voice so that we know you're all right. Makoto and Rei were talking about booking a flight to come find you if we didn't hear from you soon. I can't wait to tell them that everything's okay. So, what have you been up to lately? Are you still having fun with Alan?"

Minako didn't know at what point during Usagi's monologue that she'd started crying again, but pretty soon she was curled up on her floor again, sobbing hysterically into the mouthpiece with Usagi's voice trying to soothe her on the other end. Any numbness she had forced upon herself fell away. Within moments, all of her grief was pouring out of her uncontrollably, like a river breaking down a dam. Minako didn't know how she was going to block it again.

"Minako, please tell me what's wrong," Usagi insisted after trying to calm her down for several minutes, sounding as if she was about to start crying herself.

"Oh, Usagi..." Minako choked out, clenching her knees to her chest. She was gasping, trying to fill her lungs with much needed air and having minimal success. "I've done something terrible."

"It couldn't have been that bad, Minako," Usagi soothed. "You're overreacting."

Minako shook her head vehemently, forgetting for a moment that Usagi couldn't see her. When she realized that, her shoulders jerked a few more times. "No, I'm not. Not at all. I... I'm horrible, I--"

"Minako, please stop it," Usagi begged, her own voice shaking. "You're scaring me. Besides, you're my friend and I know you. You wouldn't do anything--"

"Don't you see? That's why I don't want to tell you," Minako sobbed, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand. "Because you don't think I could."

Usagi paused for a moment, probably collecting herself. A few seconds later, her voice came over the line again, steady as iron and gentle as a breeze. "Minako, I know that you feel awful. And I also know that you're not going to feel better unless you tell me what's wrong so that I can help you. You don't have to face this alone. I know that I'm not there, but that doesn't mean that I'm powerless. Please, tell me what happened."

Minako swallowed and sobbed again, tangling her fingers in her hair. Before she knew it, she was telling Usagi everything, unable to keep it in any longer. She told her about her feelings for Alan, and Katarina's miscarriage, and the night she'd spent with him and the fight that afternoon. Minako didn't leave out a single detail, though sometimes she elaborated a bit too much on her own motivations and shortcomings in the situation. By the time she'd finished, Minako was almost completely cried out with only the occasional tear coursing down her soaked cheeks.

Usagi let her tell the entire story without interruption, occasionally making noises just to reassure Minako that the connection hadn't been lost. When Minako was finished, Usagi didn't immediate respond, which Minako thought was the worst reaction she could have. "You hate me, don't you?" she asked.

"Of course I don't," Usagi said gently. "I'm just... God, Minako, I am so sorry."

"Don't be," Minako sniffed, rubbing her eyes on her bare arm. "I'm the one that screwed up. You shouldn't be sorry for me."

"No," Usagi answered. "I'm sorry that I can't be there for you right now. It must be horrible, being alone like this after everything that's happened."

Minako had to admit that Usagi was right. She had never so desperately wanted a hug in her entire life, and considering that she was something of a glutton for physical contact, that was saying something. Still, she shook her head and said, "I don't deserve any sympathy, Usagi. Katarina hates me and Alan's even more miserable and--"

"Minako," Usagi interrupted. "Stop."

"But I--" Minako started.

"No," Usagi said firmly. "Stop."

Minako didn't know why, but she did.

Usagi let out a puff of air that Minako somehow knew was not a sigh. "Minako, I want – no, I need you to listen to me right now. Are you listening?"

Minako nodded, forgetting again. "Yes," she said after a moment.

"I know that you feel wretched after what happened," Usagi said, her voice so kind that Minako almost started crying again. "And that's okay. You know that you made a mistake. You're more than allowed to feel guilty. Just like you're allowed to be hurt about how Katarina feels and just like you're allowed to be upset with Alan for how he's behaved. And just like you were and even are allowed to have feelings for him."

Minako shook her head, disagreeing. "He's married. I had no business to feel that way."

"Minako, you can't help how you felt about him," Usagi insisted gently. "He was your first love, and that sort of thing is very powerful. It's no wonder he still had a hold over you after all this time. Especially given how things ended."

Minako sniffled, fumbling around for a box of tissues. "What do you mean?"

"You didn't get closure," Usagi reminded her. "You left London before you could tell Alan and Katarina how you felt. Even though you saw Katarina a year later and smoothed things out with her, you never settled your issues with Alan. And you're shouldn't blame yourself for that, either. You didn't just run away from London. You left to go back to Tokyo, where you were needed."

Minako sighed, finding the box of tissues and pulling the phone away to blow her nose. "I let him go. I thought I let him go on the docks."

"I think you did," Usagi said. "Maybe you just… started holding on again once you saw him."

Minako shook her head, leaning her forehead on the heel of her hand. "I shouldn't have let myself do this. I'm supposed to be a good person. I thought I was one." She sniffled again. "You know?"

"You made a mistake," Usagi repeated. "That doesn't mean you're a bad person."

"I don't feel like a good one," Minako admitted quietly.

Usagi paused again before speaking. "Minako, why don't you come home?"

Minako flinched, bowing her head. "I don't know if I can."

"What's left for you in Paris but grief?" Usagi asked tenderly. "We're all here for you, Minako. We'll do whatever you want. We'll… help you gorge on ice cream and watch the sappiest movies ever made and do anything else you need us to. But we can't do that while you're over there, so please. Come home."

Minako thought about it for a moment. Usagi was right. There was no point in wallowing in Paris. There was no point in wallowing in any foreign city, period. She wanted someone to hug her and someone to talk to while she could look them in the face. She wanted Usagi's comfort and Makoto's cookies and Ami's rationality and Rei's rantings about Alan's idiocy, even if it wasn't true. She wanted all of that, and she could only get that in Tokyo.

"Promise that you won't tell the others?" Minako asked after a moment. "I'm not saying that we hide it, but... if they're going to be told, I want to be the one to tell them. Okay?"

"Whatever you want," Usagi said, her voice becoming lighter. "Does this mean you'll come back?"

"Yes. I'm coming home."

-----

Minako had booked her flight back to Japan almost immediately after hanging up the phone. She had taken the earliest flight she could get, which meant that she was leaving the next day at mid-morning. She had to transfer a few times to get the cheapest rate, but it was worth the aggravation to get out of Paris and go back to Tokyo.

Minako spent her time packing trying not to think about the catastrophe she had helped to create, but naturally that only drew her attention to it. After talking with Usagi, she was able to look at everything with a slightly more objective eye. Since she was no longer falling to pieces every few minutes, she was able to notice some things that she hadn't been aware of before. None of her realizations were particularly pleasant, but she was able to handle them since she knew that she was going to be back home before too long.

Not surprisingly, Minako had bought enough souvenirs to fill another suitcase. It was a good thing that Katarina had anticipated this and loaned her one fairly early on in the trip. She'd told Minako that she would get it back when she and Alan got around to visiting Tokyo at some point in time.

Minako supposed now she was going to have to mail it back.

Before thinking about that could upset her, Minako gathered up her three pieces of luggage and went downstairs to the lobby. She'd arranged for a cab to pick her up at the hotel and take her to the airport with the front desk the night before. She wasn't looking forward to spending the money as it would leave her almost completely without cash, but it would have to be done.

Minako walked out of the main doors and spotted her cab. She also spotted a very familiar face leaning against it. She frowned, walking forward. He didn't so much as flinch. She was having a hard time doing the same.

"What are you doing here, Alan?" she asked softly. He was quite possibly the last person she wanted to see. She had been counting on slipping out of the country without having to see or speak with this man again, and seeing him standing there was like him standing on her already broken heart. She didn't want it, and she didn't want him, but she had a feeling that she wasn't going to have much of a choice in either category.

Alan straightened up, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I knew that you'd leave as quickly as you could after what happened."

Minako smiled grimly. "I suppose it is my _modus operandi_," she admitted. She closed her eyes, suddenly remembering times when things had been good between all three of them, and not wanting those memories. Perhaps someday she could look on them fondly again, but right now they could give her nothing but pain. And the last thing Minako needed was more pain. She opened her eyes. "But that doesn't explain what you're doing here," she pointed out.

Alan glanced down at the ground. He shuffled his feet a bit, having the decency to look sheepish at last. "I wanted to see you. Before you left."

Minako looked at him for a moment. She pursed her lips tightly enough to taste her lip gloss. "Is that all you want?"

Alan hesitated, knowing full well what she meant. "I would like to talk to you."

"I'm not so sure--" Minako started, shaking her head.

"Mina, the last time everything fell apart, you left and I spent a year thinking you were dead," Alan said suddenly, his voice tight. "We never got closure, and then you came here and..."

Minako stared at him, marveling at how he was repeating what she and Usagi had discussed the night before. "You want closure on our infidelity?"

Alan shut his eyes, running a hand through his hair. "Please don't make this more difficult than it needs to be. It's already meant to be... bloody hard enough."

She kept looking at him, still unsure about whether or not this was a good idea. On the one hand, she couldn't say there was anything wrong with closure. Not getting it had certainly contributed to what had occurred between them. Additionally, there were some things she should clear up with him, and it was likely the same with him.

On the other hand, her first instinct was to get away. She wanted to run away just like she had when she was thirteen and distract herself from thinking about him. He was right. Talking would be hard. She didn't want to put up with the difficulty. She wanted to go back to Tokyo and move on with her life and never have to think about it again.

"I need to get to the airport," she said neutrally.

"I can drive you," he answered.

Minako looked at him for another long moment, before glancing away, singling out his car amongst the others. She nodded, handing him two of her bags before turning and sending the cab driver away, paying him a modest amount for the trouble of driving out to the hotel.

Running away was something the thirteen year-old Minako had done. It was childish, and she couldn't do that. If there was anything this experience had taught her, she could no longer act like a child.

She got into the car and glanced over at his seat. She noticed that he had adjusted it that time. She guessed he didn't care about upsetting Katarina anymore.

They drove for awhile in silence, neither willing to begin what they both knew would be a difficult conversation. But unlike their old silences, Minako couldn't say that she found it comfortable. It was of little surprise or consequence to her when she spoke up.

"I _am_ sorry," she said quietly.

Alan shook his head, looking out at the road. "You shouldn't be. I'm just as much at fault as you are."

"Maybe," she said, finding that she couldn't believe that yet, even if it did turn out to be true. "But I'm still sorry."

"Why?" he asked.

Minako heaved a quiet sigh, leaning her head on the back of the seat. "For not being stronger."

Alan glanced over at her, perhaps to try and find some words to comfort her. The words never came, and Minako was glad of it. She wasn't going to be soothed after what had happened. She would accept support if it was offered to her, but not from him. This was something she was going to have to come to grips with on her own, and she was going to do it in Tokyo. There was nothing left for her in Paris.

They drove for a little while longer before she spoke again. "I suppose this is a rather idiotic question, but... How is Katarina?"

Alan's eyes darkened, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel. "She kicked me out."

Minako nodded. "I would have assumed that much."

"I think..." Alan said, his voice just a bit too loud. "I think that she's going to look into getting a divorce."

Minako looked over at him, her eyes sympathetic. She knew that she could now file herself under the home-wrecker category, but she also understood that Alan and Usagi had been right. She might not have tried to help their marriage, but she had only kicked a dead tree. "How are you handling that?"

"I'm not," Alan admitted. "Not yet. I'm just sort of... numb at the moment."

Minako chewed on the inside of her cheek, looking down at the floor of the car, which was in serious need of vacuuming. "Are you going back to London?"

Alan sighed, apparently not having even thought that far ahead. "I don't know yet."

"Your family could help you, Alan," Minako told him seriously.

"Are you so sure they'd be willing?" Alan asked. "After I... ruined my marriage?"

"We're all at fault," Minako said sadly, taking care not to say that the blame was evenly distributed. "You know that."

Alan nodded, knowing she was right. "I'm just not sure other people will see it that way. Katarina's going to come out looking the best in all this."

Minako couldn't quite decide if she heard a trace of bitterness in his tone. She suspected that she did. "That's probably for the best. Help and support will be forced on her whether she likes it or not. She'll get better that way."

Alan blinked, probably not having thought of that. His features softened considerably and if that bitterness had indeed been there before, it was gone now. "I hope you're right," he said softly.

A few more moments passed before he suddenly spoke again. "She doesn't want to see you. I tried to help that, but… She said that she never wants to hear from you again." He paused. "She told me to tell you that if I saw you."

Minako sighed, closing her eyes. "I had figured on that."

He glanced over at her, looking worried. "Are you all right with that?"

"No," Minako answered. "I'm not. But I just... I just knew it was coming."

Alan swallowed, his voice brightening in an attempt at optimism. "She may change her mind you know. I mean, she's stubborn and everything, but--"

"She's not going to change her mind," Minako said forcefully. "We both know that."

She could feel Alan looking at her and it made her fidget in her seat. "I think she still loves you."

"The problem is that she also can't stand to look at me," Minako added. "I highly doubt that that's going to change any time soon."

Alan didn't respond immediately. She could tell that he was scowling, like a heat radiating from his seat in the car. She could also hear it when he did speak, as if it was coming out through clenched teeth. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"We let it happen," Minako said, perhaps in a tone that could be interpreted as being cold.

"I didn't want it to happen," Alan amended.

Minako straightened in her seat, shaking her head. She felt wetness begin to form beneath her eyelids, but she didn't open them for fear of them spilling over. "Oh, Alan... Please don't lie."

A few moments later, they had pulled up in front of the airport. He turned to her, looking as though she had slapped him. "I didn't want to ruin my marriage or make Katarina hate you."

"Then say that," Minako instructed, reaching for her bags in the back seat. "Don't say you didn't want it to happen because you did. And so did I." She paused, struggling to push her door open. Once she managed it, she looked back at him and said, "That's why it's hurt Katarina so much."

Alan obviously didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything at all.

"Goodbye, Alan," Minako said after a moment, the finality of her statement shaking her a bit.

"We'll see each other again," Alan said, his voice hopeful. "Won't we?"

Minako looked at him skeptically and shook her head, climbing out of the car. "No, I don't think we will, Alan."

Alan sighed, his jaw clenching. "I don't mean--"

"I know," Minako interrupted gently. "But that doesn't change my mind."

"Why not?" he asked, his eyes going wide with grief. "I've already lost my wife. Why do I have to lose my friend too?"

She couldn't help but feel sympathetic for him in that moment. It was clear to her now that Alan was troubled, maybe even clinically depressed. He had had a tendency to brood even when she first knew him, so maybe it had been going on since before she even met him. Katarina losing the baby and pushing Alan out of her life had simply been the last straw that sent him on a downward spiral. And Minako knew that losing two important people in his life was going to have a horrible effect on him.

But she still had to leave him.

"Because something occurred to me, Alan," Minako sighed, picking her bag up and settling at on her shoulder. She looked into her old friend's eyes, her gaze serious and laden down with sadness and a little disappointment. "You said you haven't slept in that bed with Katarina there. So how did you have condoms in the night stand? Better yet, why did you have condoms at all? Even if you and Katarina were... passionate, I don't know many married couples who use them."

Alan closed his eyes, guilt evident all over his face. His head bowed a bit, his chin barely hovering over his chest. "Mina, I..." he trailed off, apparently not sure what to say to her now.

Minako shook her head, tightening her grip on the strap of her bag. "How could you do that, Alan? To me and to Katarina?"

"I didn't go out and buy them when I knew you were here," Alan said hoarsely. "I've had them for awhile. I... I didn't plan for it to be you."

"I believe you," Minako said softly. "Up to a point."

Alan straightened and looked over at her, his eyes desperate. "Mina--"

"I don't think you've been plotting to get me into bed since I showed up," Minako interrupted smoothly, somehow keeping her voice steady. "But I do think that you notice more than people give you credit for. I may have tried to keep myself in check around you, but I didn't do a perfect job. You knew I still had feelings for you, and that... affected you." She paused, biting her lip. "I don't want to think that you're a horrible person, Alan. And I don't. You didn't force me to do what I did, and I'm just as accountable as you are. I saw that night as a chance to fulfill a childhood dream, and I think that you... saw me as a chance for happiness. Is that right?"

Alan opened his mouth to try and say something, but he couldn't even make sound come out. After a moment, he nodded, his shoulders slumping as his hands curled into fists.

Minako nodded in return, her suspicions confirmed. She took a deep breath, pushed some wayward hair behind her ear, and said, "Try Prozac next time. It has fewer side effects than adultery."

Alan winced.

Minako softened her gaze for a moment and reached out to take his hand. She gave it a comforting squeeze before repeating what she had told him earlier. "Goodbye, Alan."

He swallowed and nodded after a moment. "Goodbye."

With that, Minako turned on her heel and walked out of Alan's and Katarina's lives for good. She would have liked to believe that she could see them again, but she knew better than to entertain that fantasy. Katarina would never forgive her, not after what she'd done, and Minako couldn't say she blamed her. It was painful, but it was realistic.

As for Alan, Minako had no desire to see him again. That might change one day, but for the moment, she had no hopes for that. She did hope that someday she would be able to forget how much she had built him up in her head, making him a better person than he actually was. Or if not that, she hoped that she could forget how much it hurt now that he had torn it down. Perhaps that was just as foolish as entertaining the hope that a scorned wife could ever love her again, but she couldn't help it.

He had been her first love, after all.

Coming Soon - Epilogue: La Paix Intérieure


	10. Epilogue: La Paix Intérieure

La Lumière d'Amour  
Epilogue: La Paix Intérieure – The Place Where She Belongs  
10/10  
by Kihin Ranno

Many, many hours later (too many to count and she wasn't sure how to factor in the time changes besides), Minako was standing on the jetway at the airport, watching as the other passengers that had been on her airplane disembarked and walked out to meet their families or to catch a cab to drive them to their business meeting or to start their exotic vacation. The trip back to Tokyo had been a long one, and she probably should have been anxious to meet her friends at the Gate. After all, she did want to see them. It had been almost a month now, and she missed them terribly.

But she couldn't quite make herself walk out to meet them.

Minako didn't know whether or not it was ridiculous to feel this way, but she still couldn't help but dread the moment when she would tell them about what happened. Maybe things would eventually get back to normal, but Minako was certain that there would at least be a few moments where her friends looked at her as if they had never known her. She'd done the unthinkable, and even if she hadn't hurt them, she had shown just what she could be capable of. She didn't know how she was going to cope with the disappointment and the disapproval.

Minako sighed, resting the back of her head against the wall. She should have put it out of mind for the time being. She should just go and face them and get it over with. It couldn't possibly be worse than the confrontation with Alan and Katarina after all. Nothing could be worse than that.

Knowing that didn't seem to make her feet want to cooperate. In fact she didn't move at all save to twirl her hair around her index finger. Minako pursed her lips and looked out at the opening, picturing her friends standing there waiting for one Minako. And then she pictured them listening to her story some time later and wondering where that first Minako had gone or if she had ever really existed at all.

Minako shook her head. She couldn't help but draw a parallel to her life prior to going to France. She had been afraid to let them know about her failures and her mother kicking her out and her questionable financial situation and a lot else. She hadn't wanted to burden them. She hadn't wanted them to see who she really was for fear of them thinking there was something wrong with her. Or that she was useless. Or that she was weak.

Minako stopped twirling her hair around her finger, finally seeing something for the first time.

She had been doing exactly what Katarina had done. Minako had pushed her friends away like she had pushed her husband away in order to appear strong and together when she had been anything but. It had only made her more miserable rather than do anything to solve the problem. And in an attempt to make herself feel better, she'd run away. Just like she'd done so many times before. If she had only faced them, if she had only told them about the trouble she was having, they would have been able to help her.

That was it. That was the light she had been searching for all along. And she hadn't needed to go anywhere to find it. All she'd had to do was speak up.

That realization could have very well made her feel worse, but it didn't. Minako could only feel relieved because she finally understood what she had been feeling and why she had been feeling so down for what felt like ages. And a part of her already knew that she never would have been able to figure that out if she hadn't left, if she hadn't made so many mistakes in Paris, and if she hadn't learned from them and from Alan and Katarina.

Minako straightened her carry on bag and turned on her heel, following the last person out of the jetway. She almost thought about pushing past the other people, but she held herself back. She was excited to see them now, no longer dreading what would happen when she'd told them what she had done. They were her friends, and closer ones than Katarina and Alan had ever been. They would help her get through this and through everything else. She knew that now.

The trek up the walkway seemed endless, but it was really only a few seconds. Minako caught sight of Usagi immediately, which wasn't that difficult considering she was hopping up and down anxiously, using Rei's shoulders as leverage. Rei had just about had enough when Minako jumped up and waved at them. "Usagi!"

Usagi stopped, practically sitting on Rei's shoulders, which did nothing to improve her mood. She squealed before Rei could yell at her and bounded away, running up to the gate. "Minako!"

The bag Ami was holding suddenly jerked. As the other girls started to move forward, a white blur bounded out of the purse, zipping between the legs of various disembarking passengers. It leapt into Minako's open arms a few seconds before Usagi reached her side.

"Artemis!" Minako cried happily, hugging the cat to her chest as tears began to prick at her eyes. Artemis purred obnoxiously but said nothing for fear of being overheard.

Usagi threw her arms around Minako's neck, burying her face in Minako's sleeve and thoroughly soaking it within seconds. "Minako!" she cried somewhat pathetically. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too," Minako said earnestly, trying very hard not to start bawling again.

A few moments later, Makoto, Rei, and Ami had joined in the hug. Minako was now lost in a sea of arms, hair, and tears, and she couldn't think of where else she'd rather be. They somehow managed to maneuver themselves away in the huddle, pulling apart all too soon.

Minako wiped at her eyes, setting a slightly smushed Artemis on her shoulder. "You all made me cry."

"We missed you," Makoto repeated for what might as well have been the hundredth time. "And then we didn't hear from you for a few days."

"Yeah," Rei said, darkening as if just remembering. She reached out and hit Minako lightly on the back of the head. She would have looked quite menacing if her nose hadn't been red. "Where did you go anyway? We were worried sick."

"I almost booked a flight to come find you," Ami admitted, pulling out a pocket pack of tissues and distributing them to the group. She jumped a bit when Usagi blew her nose, loud enough to attract the attention of some passers by.

Minako glanced over at Usagi, grabbing her hand and squeezing it gratefully. She hadn't doubted that the girl would keep her promise, but seeing it first hand was just what Minako needed. Then she looked at the group of them and said, "There's a lot that I need to explain to you girls. Not just about what happened in France, but... Well, I've come to realize something about friendship and..."

Minako closed her eyes, knowing she was rambling. She took a deep breath, still smiling, and said, "Why don't we get my bags and then go back to my place? I can explain it all there."

Artemis looked at her strangely, knowing how big of a step that was.

Ami furrowed her brow in concern, reaching forward and laying a hand on Minako's forearm. "Is everything all right, Minako?"

"No," Minako said honestly. "But it will be."

--fin--

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Holy crap. It's done.

I have to say that I'm sort of in shock about that. This fic has just always been "in progress" in my head, and now I can officially label it as being complete. It's really surreal actually. I've been sitting here just staring at this epilogue for what feels like ages. I am so surprised and so happy and so relieved to have this done and off my plate.

I am now going to thank all of the people who made this fic possible, so I apologize for the Oscarish speech that follows.

First, I must thank my fantastic beta-reader Starsea. She Brit-picked where Brit-picking was needed and she helped with my minimal French speaking skills as well. She's been an absolute angel in editing and encouraging me since day one. I could not have done this without her help and without the occasional "Exiles" snippet that always makes my day. So I thank you, and I thank Takehiko, for both of you make all things possible.

I also need to thank Kate for writing "The Ripple Effect" and for posting the unedited chapters when I whined about it. That story is what gave me the inspiration to carry on with this one when I otherwise would have abandoned it. There's actually little resemblance between the two with the exception of the infidelity, but I was able to connect with "The Ripple Effect" and her magnificent prose was of more help than she'll ever know since she no longer frequents the fandom. Woe to us all.

I'm also grateful to Dejana for .moon, Andrea and George for ASMR, Bunny for SM Fanfiction, and the maintainers of for creating fantastic websites for me to post this and other stories.

And finally, I thank all of the reviewers and the people who expressed an interest in wanting this to be continued. Thank you Yumeko, Anya-06, Angry Girl, Soleil-Lune, GB Keeper, Jade Stellar, Blue Drgnfly, ice dyaty, Becx, aku-neko2, Seijachan88, fallenmad, Siry pop, becxfok01, luvsailormoon, Francis, Natsudori Lina, and of course, Aphrael for the Highlight. You guys made my day on many an occasion, and appreciate you taking the time to even read this little story. May there be many more for all of us.


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